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My sucktastic summer...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by CrazyAwkward, Sep 27, 2014.

  1. CrazyAwkward

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    This summer kinda sucked. The fact that last summer was one of the best in my life makes the suckiness stand out even more.

    I guess I'll start with last summer. I was very open about my sexuality with the summer help at work when the subject came up. Because of that I made the first good friend I've had in a very long time. Life was good and I felt like a real person rather than the shell of a person.

    Then summer ended. Everyone left. I became very depressed and withdrawn as I usually do during the winter, probably due to some sort of seasonal depression (which I plan on finding vitamin supplements for this winter). It got really bad, and didn't end with the change of seasons like it normally does. I got a little less depressed over time, but I was still very withdrawn and it was like I had a little black cloud hovering over me.

    Summer came around again and a new crew of summer help along with it. They were all great and I liked them a lot. They were all cool when it came to LGBT people, and one was gay themselves. But I did a complete 180 from last summer. It wasn't intentional, and I wasn't even aware that it was happening until maybe their last week here. Then I finally understood why there was something of a barrier between me and them, even though we were all on friendly terms. But so much time had gone by it felt weird to say anything. So I didn't, and I've been disappointed in myself ever since.

    I really hate when I withdraw like that. I doubt I can cure myself of that problem right away. That will take some time and effort. But I've been trying to think of ways I can keep that issue from inadvertently sticking me back in the closet again. While I was cleaning out my car I found a pride flag keychain I bought awhile back. I never stuck it on my car keys because I was nervous about it maybe starting an awkward conversation with my grandma (which I'm still a little leery of), but I'm thinking of using it now. And maybe a rainbow bracelet/ring. At least then I can make a statement without actually making a statement if I lose myself again. To anyone who'd understand the meaning anyway. Is that a good idea? Do you think it might help?
     
  2. Starfleet

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    Hey, I really hear on withdrawl and similar. I do that too.

    I do think a bracelet or ring is a good idea, it'll be like a reminder to you, too, that you want to connect. :slight_smile:
     
  3. CrazyAwkward

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    That's a good point. I didn't consider it might also be a good way to remind myself to stay on track. It would be extra helpful in that case. Thank you :slight_smile:
     
  4. Starfleet

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    :slight_smile: I'd like to get something myself, I saw a rainbow bracelet on Amazon that I like.

    Don't be too down on yourself about non connecting this time. We all do the best we can at the time.
     
  5. CrazyAwkward

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    You should totally get that bracelet. You deserve something nice :slight_smile:

    And that's true. There's always next summer! I'll do better then, after I've worked through some of my problems.
     
  6. Starfleet

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    Thanks. :slight_smile: I know about the season moods too, except Fall is usually an "up" time for me. I know that certain scents can help my winter moods, for example Lavender, Apple, Pumpkin.
     
  7. CrazyAwkward

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    Ahhh yeah I love fall as well! Even the winter wouldn't be so bad if it didn't last so long. Christmas-y scents usually help me feel a little bit better, but after the holidays I'm pretty much stuck without mood boosters.
     
  8. Starfleet

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    Deep winter is hard. I often just withdraw, hunker down, and wait for Spring.
     
  9. CrazyAwkward

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    Same here. If I didn't have to work I'd probably never leave the house. But I'm hopeful that this winter will be better :slight_smile:
     
  10. Starfleet

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    Me too. :slight_smile: Hey, we can encourage each other.
     
  11. CrazyAwkward

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    Yes, definitely! If you ever need to talk or need an internet hug I'll be here :slight_smile:
     
  12. AsheTheHuman

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    That's what I do- keep little reminders with me of the things that make me me. I have a Persona background on my phone, am getting a Kingdom Hearts necklace and am getting a rainbow bracelet as well. Just little things that can take me away from where I am currently and remind me of who I am. As for withdrawing, it's not going to stop- not immediately. But if you just do small things, a couple steps at a time it will eventually. Even if it's just to go to the store to rent a movie instead of downloading one. Start small and work your way up, you can do it! ~<3

    P.S. Your avatar is awesome. Adventure Time is my favorite cartoon and I ship both BubbleGum X Marceline and Marshall Lee X Gumball. :slight_smile:
     
  13. CrazyAwkward

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    Thank you :slight_smile: I'm definitely going to try my best to work through it little by little. Maybe sit at a coffee shop one day a week instead of alone at home. Just to get out a little.

    And thanks! Adventure Time is my favorite too :slight_smile:
     
  14. AsheTheHuman

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    Exactly! Just little stuff like that. Who knows? Maybe you'll even meet a friend eventually.
     
  15. CrazyAwkward

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    Anything is possible I suppose :slight_smile: I hope that happens at some point.
     
  16. Water lover

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    I really hate when I withdraw like that. I doubt I can cure myself of that problem right away. That will take some time and effort. But I've been trying to think of ways I can keep that issue from inadvertently sticking me back in the closet again. While I was cleaning out my car I found a pride flag keychain I bought awhile back. I never stuck it on my car keys because I was nervous about it maybe starting an awkward conversation with my grandma (which I'm still a little leery of), but I'm thinking of using it now. And maybe a rainbow bracelet/ring. At least then I can make a statement without actually making a statement if I lose myself again. To anyone who'd understand the meaning anyway. Is that a good idea? Do you think it might help?


    I withdraw when I am stressed it sucks. In my times I need the people closeted me to help is when I push them away the most. What I so to try to stem this is just forcing myself to stay in touch with everyone around me at first it is hard but pretty soon you forget you forced yourself to and realize how much fun it is to be around people.
     
  17. CrazyAwkward

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    I also tend to push people away when I need them most. It can be difficult to stay in touch, but I've been working at it. And so far so good this time :slight_smile: Life is starting to look much better.
     
  18. Starfleet

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    Hey, Water lover. I think many of us isolate when things are hard. I'm getting back out there for the 1st time in a year.

    I think a little pride symbol is a cool idea. I love jewelry, so I want the bracelet. :slight_smile:
     
  19. WannaBeMe

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    Actually I think that Water Lover was trying to quote something. But yeah I have actually made a bunch of rainbow bracelets to wear around at school.