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Trans and relationships with men

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by WhiteRaven, Sep 28, 2014.

  1. WhiteRaven

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    Hey there Empty Closet peeps,
    It has been a while since I was on here, but anyway... I am FtM trans (pre everything, hopefully soon to change) and bi, but preferring guys.
    However I am pretty anxious about... how do I fit in as a transguy? I am very afraid I will get judged by the fact that I don't have a dick (and right now also look and sound rather feminine. Though that's not forever. I will NEVER have a real dick, however), as I feel like that's a big point for many gay men. They like dicks, and I am a dude without a dick... oh fuck. (and yes, I hate that myself too. Guys, imagine you lost yours and were dumped into a female body and you get what I go through every day)
    I am also afraid that IF a gay dude is ok with me being trans he actually sees it as a fetish or "interesting experience" and will make advantage of my sexual and emotional vulnerability.
    Maybe I'm just overanxious, and that's why I came here to ask: is this right? Is there a possibility I will find a nice and accepting gay guy who likes me regardless of my... physical deficiencies? (yes, of course I can also go with a girl, as I'm bi, but like I said, I PREFER guys over girls)
    How do you guys think about dating (and possibly getting a relationship with) a transguy, either pre hormones and/or post hormones?

    Thanks!
    White Raven
     
  2. SeaSalt

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    Personally I dont really care, I actually think some Trans guys are more attractive than normal guys and to me its not a fetish. I spose it would depend on the guy in question and the position you would take in the bedroom. Topping without a dick could be problemetic but there are ways around that.

    As for dating, you wouldnt want my advice....Im shit.
     
  3. WhiteRaven

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    Yeah you got a good point there. I'm not even sure if I'm top or bottom, as I never had experience before, lol. So if I'd *magically* get a partner I'd ofc like to try both.
    Maybe it also helps that you're bi? Cause I know quite some gay guys who are actually SCARED of pussies, which kinda worries me... cause... no matter how much I hate that thing... I still have one.
    My main issue with LOOKS right now is that I totally don't look my age. I look like 15-17 at best, which is kinda sad if you're 19. Also I wouldn't dare to go to, say, a gay bar for example, out of fear to be seen as a lesbian. Though that will change in about a year or so when I get hormones.

    And offtopic, but my eyes spot a Game of Thrones refference! Huzzah! I'm a huge fan, lol :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  4. SeaSalt

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    The night is dark and full of terrors!

    Yes it probably is partially due to me being Bi, I also like to think that I am open minded. Its worth pointing out that as far as surgery is concerned I think that FtM have the better end result. I too dont know which position I would take in the sack, Idealy bottom but probably versatile. I also avoid gay bars simply because they are the gay version of a normal bar which as far as im aware is a place for people to pick up one night stands and act like morons both of which I have no interest in. If I am to meet my future beloved whoever they may be I would rather meet them at some sort of Convention. I can picture it now, Making out with a Varian Wrynn cosplayer while in my Arthas costume driving all the Yaoi fangirls/boys crazy :lol:
     
  5. WhiteRaven

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    Valar morghulis.
    *more GoT quotes!*

    I'd be fine with a bi/pan guy, as long as they also see me as a guy, regardless of my... eh... plumbing. Maybe you are right I, and other transguys, have bigger chances in the bi/pan groups rather than the proud "gold-star-gays" who are even scared of being seen as "straight" n all.
    I personally think it's the other way around, and phallo results look rather... unrealistic. But that could also just be me. I am not certain whether I'll get it or not though.
    And yeah, you're right on the gay bars, lol. I don't like normal bars either anyways, so I probably just shouldn't go to the gay ones, LOL. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
    Whahahaha :grin: that's just genius, lol. And yeah, I'm not a cosplayer myself, but I'm a larper and fantasy geek, and my future partner at least has to be a bit like that too (they don't necasserily have to larp, just like geeky stuff, fantasy, etc.)
    But yeah, I guess it IS possible to find someone... just a bit harder than when being cis.
     
  6. Starfleet

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    WhiteRaven, I'm Bi/Pan and finding out I'm Genderfluid too. I find myself more attracted to *a* person, then what kind of person.

    If I was into a cool person, I wouldn't care what parts they had, if I find them sexy then it would be intriguing to see how to make them happy.

    You'll just have to find the right guy, but isn't that true for everyone? :slight_smile:
     
  7. ChameleonSoul

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    I consider myself pretty open minded, but I wouldn't mind dating a FtM person. I have actually had a crush on transgendered male, but unfortunately, he was straight, so I never bothered making any advances.
     
  8. RainbowGreen

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    I only started to live as stealth and it's the first time a GUY approached me. Only a month in and he wanted to be my boyfriend, said I was cute and all. I told him I'm trans and... he says he wants a cis guy. (At the same time, that same guy said he thought that I might be trans and he still went through the trouble of flirting with me, weird).

    I, too, hope that guys who wouldn't be too bothered by it are not too rare, because I hate that I never had a single relationship in my life :\
     
  9. I don't think that is something that can be answered in general of gay men. People and preferences vary so much, you could find some gay men who are indifferent, some who definitely want a cisgender male, and some who find you so attractive they slowly come to appreciate what you have. Regardless, I wouldn't take it personally if someone doesn't want to date you and is gay, because for that one person who isn't interested in dating a trans person, their are others who are.



    Also, just to let you know, a lot of the phalloplasty results you're seeing on google aren't finished but are the first step of the procedure; that's why they look unrealistic and like a coke can lol. If you do some digging people have posted their actual finished results. (Also, I'm not saying you have to get this, I'm just letting you know the pictures you see when you first search phalloplasty are usually mid surgery pictures).
     
  10. WhiteRaven

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    Thanks guys. I suppose it's normal there are gay guys who just aint into transmen, just like there are straight girls who aren't. But glad to hear there are also people who ARE okay with it, and not everything is lost (okay, that was kinda expected, but still :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)
    I am not yet entirely sure whether I'm actually gay or bi, that is why I really want to try it with a guy sometime. Also I have had three "almost relationships" with girls in the past year, but stopped them all before it became "serious" because I didn't actually feel love-y-dove-y things for them, and didn't want to hurt them even more by breaking up much later. Could be I was just "unlucky" three times and had "the wrong girls", but also since gay porn does a lot more for me and gay guys just always awe me... I think I could very well just be gay.

    And Vermillion, maybe I just always saw the wrong pics... but these are both in mid progress (kinda gory) and post-op when you don't even see the stitches anymore, and those just look... WTF. FUCKING UGLY. It are... huge rolls of deformed arm skin in your crotch, looking like, well... huge rolls of deformed arm skin in your crotch.
    (FTM Phalloplasty Pictures - Phalloplasty Photos (just posting the link only. I gotto note these pics should not be viewed by anyone who does NOT want to see dicks AND blood/surgery))
     
  11. SeaSalt

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    Yeah some of those look wierd, Some of them look like potatos and some of them just look fun!
     
  12. WhiteRaven

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    Yeah, well peace to anyone who gets phalloplasty, but I don't want a weird potato in my crotch vaguely resembling a dick, thanks. I just hope the techniques progress in such a way the results get better. More dick, less "potato". Lol :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  13. Munyal

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    I'd be totally down with dating a transgender guy. If someone calls it a fetish, they're really being the nicest kind of transphobic. Basically they're saying it's weird to be attracted to transpeople, which is rude. If I'm not attracted to someone, it is much more likely due to them being a bad person rather than their physical characteristics.
     
  14. WhiteRaven

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    Yeah, that's right. I also wouldn't want to date someone who sees it as a 'fetish' thing, because that person won't love me for who I am but just sees it as "kinky" to date a man without a dick. I think, however, that the group suffering more from this is MtF's, as the "fetish-appeal" of a woman WITH a dick appears to be higher than that of a man WITHOUT one.

    I'm glad to hear there are plenty of bi/pan/gay guys who are perfectly okay with dating/having a relationship with a transguy, gives me some hope, lol. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I actually think dysphoria, in the long run, can be much more destructive in a relationship than the lack of the right genitals or a body still sort of resembling the other gender.