...I have no one in my life right now. All of my friends and family I am either not as close with or have shut out to prevent them from getting close to me. This leaves me with no one except for myself. ...
Even if that is the case right now, which it really may not be.. you may be in people's thoughts more than you realize, you do have those people in your life and therefore can take this opportunity to reach out to them. Just because you aren't close now doesn't mean you can't become closer to them in the future if that is what you want. I was in a place several years ago where I had some friends but I was always the afterthought, I had distanced myself and pulled away so much that they just stopped asking me to do much of anything with them. I was alone most of the time and felt disconnected from everyone. I'm an introvert and at first I didn't mind, but as time wore on I began to feel very isolated and lonely, and sunk further into depression. Fortunately I've learned from that experience and have been able to forge better bonds now in my life, even though at times it is still difficult for me to maintain them I recognize the importance of doing so.
I'm not sure how I can reach out to any of them...last time I did they were busy and were dealing with their own problems and decided that I wasn't important enough...now I feel like I'd just be a nuisance if I tried to reach out to them again...I'm not sure they like me much anyway... Gah, I'm not really sure why I made this topic...just ignore it if you guys want. I probably would too to be honest
Well, what happened? Is there a reason you pushed them away/they pushed you away? Talking about it would help, I promise If you really don't want to though, I'm here as just a friend too. I'd be happy to just talk to you about whatever if you're looking for a friend
It's a good topic, not talked about much. I have this theory that most people don't hate actually being alone, they just dread the fear of loneliness and often involve themselves in endless meaningless relationships to make sure they never end up lonely. I think embracing the idea that it is sometimes okay to end up alone in the natural course of life, empowers us to build relationships out of desire instead of need. I think deep down you already know this, if you really desired it you would find a way to reach out. It's okay to be alone, just wait and act when your heart is really in it.
Thanks that's really good to know Um in answer to your question I guess I was just worrying that I was becoming a burden to them? My friends have their own problems and I've noticed when I came to them for help they kinda just acted like "omg this is just one more thing to worry about thanks a lot >:/". Like they never really said it but I could feel it. I mean I can't really blame them, my problems were kind of petty...I was just feeling lonely I guess. Like, I've never been heavily important in anyone's life. There was always a whole list of people others were closer to, and then there was me. I was just kind of the person they kept around, and they liked fine for the most part, but I didn't stand a chance compared to any of their other friends or relationships. Whenever I think that I think it's selfish, but it saddens me a little that I've never been the most important person in anyone's life. I've never had a best friend. Even people I wanted to be my best friend had another best friend. So I guess to answer your question after that ramble, I pushed them away because I didn't feel like I was good enough to be their friend. I still talk with them occasionally, but I think they notice that something is different. Sorry, my mind's all jumbled right now...I hope that was a cohesive thought... ---------- Post added 30th Sep 2014 at 11:50 PM ---------- Yeah...I've kind of been alone all my life. For a brief period last year I felt like I wasn't...but now I'm back to being alone...part of me thinks it might be best that way but another part isn't too sure...gah I'm such a mess. :dry:
(*hug*) I'm sorry you have to feel this way. I've lost a lot of friends lately as well. Are you sure you're not mistaking their emotions for that of concern? You seem very nice. I have a hard time believing you're not good enough to be their friends. I think you're good enough to be mine
Well, it's hard to become a best friend to someone, or close to someone if you are pushing them away. It's possible these people just aren't good friends, or that you just don't click with them. And if that's the case nothing is stopping you from seeking out new relationships. I know it's not that easy, but it's something to keep in mind. If you do feel like you click with those people but because you withdrew you grew further apart I think you can still try again to be friends. I think sometimes if you don't have a certain "level" of friendship with someone it can seem awkward to sort of divulge your problems to them. Some people are also just really not good with dealing with serious topics or problems. In my group of friends I've learned who I can talk things through with and who would want to pretend they aren't home if someone had an emotional issue :lol: . So maybe start a bit lighter this time, just focus on things you have in common and do activities based on that or chat about those things. Then see where it goes from there? Do you think that's something you could try?
I agree with this. Very insightful. i think the differenece between building relationships out of desire rather than need make a big difference. Even with my ex-husband, now that we are not together I recognize that he isn't the type of person I would normally be just friends with, but I married him because I felt pressure not to be alone. I did care about him, but I see now why it would never have lasted ( besides the fact I'm gay). I have been forming friendships with people in the past year and have been very selective. I don't need people in my life, I want the ones here who belong in my life and are right for me.
I think its a good topic too. Because some people isolate themselves purposefully - when in the closet - to protect themselves from the fear/ discomfort/ awkwardness of having to come out/ being forced out. To watch out for .. because it is not healthy. Can lead to stress and depression. We are social animals. So did you push them away, avoid them or did they do it to you ???
Aww thanks (*hug*) That makes me feel better. I hope I can be a half-decent friend.. ---------- Post added 1st Oct 2014 at 10:07 PM ---------- Yeah I guess I could try...although in response to another of your points, I do think that we were at that "level" of friendship...I mean she shared her problems to me like ALL THE TIME. I always listened, even if I was dealing with some stuff too. She sometimes listened to me, but other times she was too caught up with her own things and didn't want to deal with it. I don't know...my friendship with her was complicated... ---------- Post added 1st Oct 2014 at 10:09 PM ---------- Honestly, I did it to them. And now we hardly ever talk. We do some, but not nearly as much. And I don't text them at all anymore, when I used to do it every day.
Maybe she's just not such a great friend :/ . Or maybe she's a cool person to hang out with but doesn't know how to deal with other people's problems. Not everyone is a good person to confide in. Like I said I have a couple friends who would rather run and hide than talk about personal issues with someone, but I enjoy hanging out with them for other reasons so it's ok, and I just don't go to them when I need someone to talk to. Do you have other friends you've distanced yourself from that you could reach out to? Or is there anyone at school/work that seems like you have some things in common with?
I mean she was a good friend and did legitimately care about what I was going through. But near the end of last year there might have been too much going on that whenever I had a problem she really brushed me off, and that kind of made me feel less about myself. As for anyone else, to be honest I've distanced myself from one other person, but I don't really like him anymore...the more I think about it the more I think he never really liked me at all. And I mean I have some other friends that I hang out with and are cool, but none that I'd really share anything personal with. It's more just a casual friendship, not really anything more. We mainly just joke around which I don't have a problem with...in fact, I like it. I have fun with them and I feel good. However, that means that I don't have anyone to talk to about stuff when I'm feeling kinda down.
Well you always have this site, right? Even though we're not in the same world as you are, we can still offer some means of friendship ;3. I honestly think that though you are distant, and don't feel like you belong there, go for it. Go interact with peeps, say hello to someone from time to time. You've got to start somewhere right? I mean yes this is a huge burden, but please try when you are in the mood. ;D
