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is my best friend into me? I can't tell because I might be over-assuming

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by jonmous, Oct 3, 2014.

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  1. jonmous

    jonmous
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    I'm bi, and my best friend is straight. we're both guys. btw.

    I just came out to my parents about my sexuality a year ago, and my parents, especially my mom who is religious, accepted me for what I am. also I came out to my best friend whom I love like he was my own brother (*hug*) . thankfully, he accepted my sexuality as well.

    About my best friend, he seems like an on-off touchy-feely person. For example, our knees would touch if we sit beside each other. Sometimes he won't care if it's the skin of our knee touching. Sometimes, he would rest his elbow on my knee. If he's had a few drinks, he would put his hand, or head on my shoulder (*hug*) . Also, he has a strong body heat, which is why I sleep beside him, especially when the room is cold LOL

    We have also played gay jokes with each other. Like asking each other to tickle one's butt-cheeks, of course with pants on LOL, holding hands for a few seconds, telling gay jokes about each other, etc.

    Me and my best friend are total fools. we play gay jokes with each other and just have a good laugh about it. We even make weird jokes and noises that only us could understand. Before I came out, there was one time where he went too far with his gay jokes. He put his hand on my mouth and he kissed his hand. shocked by what happened, I lightly punched him in the face :tantrum: , but I apologized to him afterwards.

    So there was this one time where my best friend and his other friend were drinking beers, talking about life, girls, and stuff. He was binge drinking because his crush-friend suddenly ignored him for no apparent reason, and he doesn't when know why she did so. we were both tipsy, he went to a place where he could smoke cigarettes. I accompanied him.

    after smoking, he suddenly took my hand in an intertwining manner for 10 seconds, I was getting...excited. (!) He then thanked me for being such a good friend to him. I thanked him too.

    the strange thing is when I let go of his hand, I accidentally brushed my hand on his crotch area. I could feel his...thing. it was HARD! (!) yes, I could feel it because he was wearing thin short pants! I wanted to touch it again but didnt want to because there were lots of people! and I didn't want to disgust him.

    so the question is, is my best friend secretly into me? despite showing disgust on gay stuff? I'm getting frustrated here LOL...
     
    #1 jonmous, Oct 3, 2014
  2. gzman02

    gzman02
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    There is a guy I've been working with for a few years now. We flirt, talk dirty to each other. Touch occasionally (he really likes my back rubs). My wife and kids refer to him as my boyfriend. People at work assume we are a couple even though I'm married. They even gave us a couple's nickname.
    He's fooled around with guys before, as have I, and we've talked about it. I don't want to lose what we have though.
    Your friend might be into you, or you just might be helping him work through some curiosity. I was in the army and what you described happened all the time between guys. Straight guys don't always handle it well if they find themselves attracted to another guy.
    Just be careful and take it slow. Also, I wouldn't do anything while anyone is drunk.
     
    #2 gzman02, Oct 3, 2014
  3. Tai

    Tai
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    Remember that when you've had alcohol, people act strange... But there's definitely a possibility there.
     
    #3 Tai, Oct 3, 2014
  4. Sepina

    Sepina
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    Alcohols a loosen up thingy. It makes you do things on impulse. Which means you don't second guess your actions. I'm saying this from experience. But I'm probably wrong. What I'm saying alcohol is not an excuse I guess. You should talk to him about it.
     
    #4 Sepina, Oct 3, 2014
  5. jonmous

    jonmous
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    Oh, didn't I forget that when he was in high school, he had a gay friend, and....you know, HIGH SCHOOL, where you're curious to do weird stuff. he was curious what it's like to get his dick sucked by a guy. so he did get his dick sucked by his gay friend....and didn't like it. probably why he's a little homophobic today, but strange, because he accepts LGBT people (like me, a bisexual guy) for what they are, as long as they don't molest him.

    Recently though where we slept beside each other, we were both shirtless. I remembered before we had a sleepover at my house, he told me and another friend of mine he likes his back tickled because it "helps him sleep". so we were both drunk, and I did just that, while spooning with him. while doing that, it seemed to calm him down...and of course his strong body heat kinda turned me on as well :-D
     
    #5 jonmous, Oct 3, 2014
  6. wardrobeescaper

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    how old are both of you and how long have you been out to him?
     
    #6 wardrobeescaper, Oct 4, 2014
  7. jonmous

    jonmous
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    we're both 20, but I have been out to him and to my parents for almost 2 years.
     
    #7 jonmous, Oct 4, 2014
  8. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! From what you have mentioned, it's hard to say whether your friend is into you. It seems that most of the things happen when the both of you or your friend had something to drink or are tipsy. On the whole, I would be careful in reading too much into things.

    That said, you mentioned a lot of things about him. But what about you? What kind of feelings do you have for him?
     
    #8 Mirko, Oct 4, 2014
  9. Yossarian

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    Your friend seems to enjoy knowing that you are gay (the gay side of your sexuality anyway) and that he can play around with you and touch you and be casually affectionate with you when both of you are drinking, and you will not freak out or go all homophobic on him when he acts playfully gay. That does not mean he is "into you" in the sense of having a crush on you, nor does it specifically prove anything about his own basic orientation or how he intends to live out his life as hetero or homo. Just enjoy that you can also fool around playfully with him, particularly while both of you are drinking and free of inhibitions, and he isn't going to freak out either, because he is comfortable sleeping in the same bed with you with things as they currently are. That is a pretty unique and special friendship between two guys, so enjoy it while it lasts, but look for a soul mate or girl friend among the people who have already figured out who they are, and who match up explicitly with who you are.
     
    #9 Yossarian, Oct 4, 2014
  10. shinji

    shinji Guest

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    Read the thread, too lazy to contribute a wall of text.

    Basically, if i had to bet on it, i'd say he's bi curious and is gravitation towards you because he "knows" you like him.

    I'd just become more flirty with him, and see where that goes. Don't just, up and say... "hey let's be bff's".
     
    #10 shinji, Oct 4, 2014
  11. Andrew99

    Andrew99
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    Aww :slight_smile: that's so sweet! Honestly it's a possibility he has feelings for you.
    Good luck :thumbsup:
     
    #11 Andrew99, Oct 4, 2014
  12. jonmous

    jonmous
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    when our best-friendship bloomed, I began treating him like he was my own brother. I have 2 older brothers, but I never felt their love, that's why I look for a brother-figure outside of my bloodline. But as the years pass, this "loving my best friend like a brother" thing seemed to have developed. Slightly though.

    ---------- Post added 5th Oct 2014 at 10:47 AM ----------
    Ever since I came out, he jokingly asks me "are you in love with me? we're friends anyway, so please be honest". WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL HIM?! I'm SLIGHTLY in love with him, and I'm afraid this might be a trick question to end the friendship if I say "yes" :icon_sad:

    ---------- Post added 5th Oct 2014 at 10:53 AM ----------
    we've had a few fights and misunderstandings (like friends always do) but we usually just set them aside and laugh how stupid we were during those times.

    we also give each other backrubs as well. sometimes he refuses but sometimes he would be willing to give each other backrubs.
     
    #12 jonmous, Oct 4, 2014
  13. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! Just reading through your response, it might be good to think about whether or not laying down some healthy boundaries would be worthwhile - at least until you have figured out what your feelings are for him.

    In some respects, you could be setting yourself up for quite the disappointment if you ever find yourself in the situation of having answered a question that he asked jokingly, and he responds with a negative. Every time something happens that feed your feelings for him, or let you believe that there might be more than there is, the higher your own expectations of what it all could mean will be.

    Perhaps something to think about.
     
    #13 Mirko, Oct 4, 2014
  14. shinji

    shinji Guest

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    What is stopping you from saying "yes" in a somewhat sarcastic and joking (but not too much) way and then, if things go sideways, just tell him you were joking. Just pick a not so serious moment to tell him, next time he asks. Also, yeah he's defo into you!

    The sooner you have your "answer" the sooner you can move on.
     
    #14 shinji, Oct 5, 2014
  15. jonmous

    jonmous
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    also, when other friends tease us that we look like lovers (because we hang out a lot), he gets mad deep inside. While I just shake my head and laugh.

    and I admit I can be clingy at times, but I do give him some time for himself LOL. but my clingyness isn't because I'm horny for him LOL...I'm clingy because I needed someone to look up to during those times that I was depressed from family problems, unmet expectations, etc...

    BTW, what does this mean when he gets mad when we get teased that we look like lovers? Is he frustrated that he has a hard time expressing his feelings towards me? Or frustrated because he might feel self-guilt or "less manly" when he expresses his feelings towards me?

    But then again, I don't wanna over-assume. Has someone had this experience? If yes, please help me. And thank you
     
    #15 jonmous, Oct 5, 2014
  16. Andrew99

    Andrew99
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    Maybe both? He seems to have feelings for u and Idk is he super macho?
     
    #16 Andrew99, Oct 5, 2014
  17. Rawrzilla

    Rawrzilla Guest

    There was a time when people used to (jokingly) say the same thing about me and my best friend. Much like yourself she would laugh it off and I did too at first but people kept pestering us with that and I started to get incredibly upset every time someone brought up the subject until I had a little meltdown and everyone finally let it rest. I used to get upset because I see my best friend as a sister and the constant insinuation that there could be something more between us was... Well, upsetting lol since it would be like hooking up with my sister (yuck). It just made me mad that people were kinda forcing me to look at her in a sexual/romantic way since it was making our once goofy and carefree interactions a lot more uncomfortable (with all the subtext people were reading into it).

    Anyway, I don't know if your friend is anything like me but I thought I would share my similar experience if anything to give you some insight in to why he may be getting mad at those insinuations. Of course he could also be totally into you and he may be angry that others are getting to that conclusion before he is ready to make a move. I dunno, if you two are close I would say it's safe for you to ask him about it without him reading too much into it.

    Best of luck.
     
    #17 Rawrzilla, Oct 6, 2014
  18. jonmous

    jonmous
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    he is masculine yes, but not really macho (at least body wise). we kinda have the same body type, tall, chubby and fit, but he is slightly shorter by 2 inches, and slightly more muscular than me.

    he also doesn't like it when male friends (including me) say "I love you" to him when they mean it (in a non-sexual way of course). When said in a joking manner, he's fine with it. But when I say "I love you like a brother" to him even in a no-homo way, he still gets pissed off.
     
    #18 jonmous, Oct 6, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2014
  19. Andrew99

    Andrew99
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    Ok then he either really really likes you, is in denial, or is just a very nice masculine hetero.
    I hope it's number 1 :thumbsup:
    Good luck (*hug*)
     
    #19 Andrew99, Oct 6, 2014
  20. jonmous

    jonmous
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    and he usually is more affectionate towards me when we're alone, or when he's drunk
     
    #20 jonmous, Oct 6, 2014
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