So I started seeing a therapist a week ago (questioning my sexuality and severely depressed) and today was my second visit. I'd never been to therapy before now. Do therapists generally care? I sometimes think that my therapist's "poor you" face is just for show. Is it? Also, I told her something today that I thought might disgust her. She told me that she doesn't hide her emotion well and if she was disgusted or didn't like me I'd know. Isn't it there job to act like they like you? Because they're supposed to be non-judgmental and everything. Just wondering about everyone else's past experiences/thoughts about therapy.
Well... I've never been in therapy but I think, for one thing, they're therapists because they want to help people. So there's that type of caring but I think if they let themselves care like a loved one does, they'd be emotional wrecks in no time at all. Secondly, I think you'd be able to tell pretty quick if she was disgusted. There would be at least some tension in her face. I don't know how many years she's been practicing but she's probably heard lots of potentially disturbing stuff. Try not to focus on her feelings. Just see if what she says helps clarify things for you and makes you feel better. if you find you're not comfortable with her, try another.
The whole point of therapy is for you to have essentially a blank slate that you can project your concerns onto, without fear of judgment. And for a therapist to be any good, s/he must be capable of really being in your shoes and being able to access what it's like to feel what you feel, which is the basis for empathy. So the therapist, to be able to do that, needs to stay out of judgment, and most genuinely do, at least most of the time. Empathy failures -- moments of judgment or misfiring responses -- happen every day, to almost every therapist, but the good ones not only recover, but do their best to use the opportunity to deepen connection with the client. So, in short, therapists are -- for the most part -- very genuine people. They aren't acting, they do genuinely care, and they do really want to see you succeed and be happy.
I have been to many therapists and generally the ones who are able to stay non-biased while being supportive have always been the best. The ones that get too invested in your emotions and your problems (these have generally been new therapists just out of college) are not as helpful. So, the therapist is not "acting" because they genuinely do care about you and your problems, but they have to keep a kind of distance in the relationship if they are to be helpful to you. I hope that made sense. ---------- Post added 7th Oct 2014 at 02:09 AM ---------- Just like you get to choose if your therapist is right for you, the therapist can choose to not see a client if they feel that they are not a good fit. Their job is to help, yes, but they cannot do that properly if they can't connect with you as a client. I think that being non-judgmental is different from being able to feel comfortable within the session. So, the fact that she is seeing you repeatedly is evidence that she really wants to help you feels that she is capable of providing the support that you need right now.
I've been to therapy, I was fine with my sexuality but I am quite the recluse so having someone to talk is quite nice, and they do care. Cynthia, my first therapist, cared but you can't expect them to be your friend. They will be friendly and help you through some stuff, but they will not be your friend. It might be a bit hard to understand. Try group therapy, having others in the same room is nice as well.
I agree with Alt. Group therapy was one of the best things that ever happened to me. The people were so understanding, supportive, and kind. Unfortunately, a few years ago I moved to a new state and my current city doesn't have group therapy available, but maybe yours does. . It would be an excellent thing to check out. Doing group in addition to one-on-one is a great way to work things through.
Many of the therapists I know personally are highly empathic people. I have had a few duds going through therapy myself, but on the whole I think they are caring. Keep in mind that therapists deal with so many people going through so much they have to keep some distance in order to function. It can be brutal to deal with such suffering on a daily basis. Therapists are not there to be your friend. They can help and guide you but it is also a job. I am not sure how true this is, but my mom pointed out to me that many people go into the profession because they have dealt with issues themselves.
I unfortunately have no experience with receiving therapy, but my mum is a counsellor and she *does* care about her "girls" (she only works with women), and I know her coworkers also care about their "clients" very much, too.
It really depends what you mean by ''care'' and the approach to therapy involved.The age,gender and how long the therapist has been in practise for also plays some role.A certain therapist might be a good idea for some and a complete waste of time for others,so it is important that you feel more or less comfortable opening up to the person,particularly because opening about about emotions and situations is a VERY personal thing to do (I would not be able to open up to someone too conventional for instance,I pretty much need an unconventional approach,but everyone is different).I think its important to test the waters for awhile before making a firm decision about whether the therapist is right for you or not though (unless the answer is 100 percent clear in the beginning). There are different types of ''caring'' and to remain objective in such a job there has to be some form of distancing.That can be a good thing most of the time.Some therapists become more involved than others but at the end of the day you want someone that can stay more or less objective.At the end of the day they want the same thing as you:to make a positive difference.Besides understanding tends to be more productive than sympathy. There are of course all kinds of things related to therapy (CBT,Counselling,Support groups) and some mediums work better for some than others. Since you have only had 2 visits so far,I think you should first see how things proceed before making any hasty decisions (but that is of course up to you).The trust relationship is important,so see how things go (its still early days) and take things from there.
