Should I just end it all?

To start off, sorry about your cousin And obviously you're not a pos for not talking out the trash or whatever.

So you've already spent the money on the accounting. Whether you got pressured into it or thought it was your thing, you've spent the money and figured out it was not your thing. Either stick the course out, quit it, or quit it and see if you can get a partial return.

Your 21, there are people in my classes who are 40 and older, you're not too old. And a taxi driver told you you're too old. A random taxi driver. Unless some important details are missing, I wouldn't take advice from some random taxi driver.

And also fuck whoever told you you're too young and inexperienced to be a councilor. Some people go through more by the time they're 20 than others do in they're life. What are you going to do? Putter around until you're the magical age? If it's your thing, get going buddy

 

I am sorry that you are feeling this way, I really do understand. From what I am reading, the problem is summed up with your final words: 'What should I do with myself?'. Throughout your thread you have continuously told us what other people tell you that you should/ shouldn't be doing. What do you want to do with your life? Don't worry what everyone else says or if you're too young to be counsellor. And you're certainly not too late to be taking the other course. If you want to be a counsellor than find out what you need to do to accomplish that and do it. Don't listen to everyone else. And you don't need other people to validate you. Be who you want, look out for yourself, and discover what you enjoy and do it. You have the power to bring happiness into your life so take control of it and do that. I hope I'm not being too harsh and I apologize if I am, it's not my intention. My intention is to get the message across that your opinion of yourself and what you want to do is all that matters. Forget everyone else and when you follow your path, others will come to you.

 

I have spent the last 12 years or so doing and becoming what everyone else wanted me to and I have completely lost myself. I know it's hard not to listen to them and you may be told you're being selfish for being true to you, but that is their problem, not yours. I know how hard it is not to listen and to have one obstacle after another thrown at you. I just recently began to realize this and the most difficult part is not to listen to others, but to listen to myself. It's easy to get stuck in that pattern, I know. Stop listening to them, and you will discover what you want to do with yourself.

 

Lifes a bitch, we all know that, but you can either be lifes bitch or make it your bitch.

I dont believe you are too old to do a course, im 16 and there is several people who are older than me on my course, infact theres more older than there is same age. And i have stared death in the face several times when i have been depressed but take it from me, you may not think so, but something little will make you happy again. ^.^

 

I know what you are going through. I was just there not that long ago.

Your never to old to learn something new or to start a new carrier just start a new carrier a year and a half ago, after finishing school that took 5 years part time. The entire time battling with depression off and on.

In my last episode I found a You tube pastor that shook my whole world of understanding. He said if you are going to kill your self, Go ahead, then he stops & says don't kill yourself kill what ever is causing you to feel that way. If you have outside influences making you feel that way get them out of your life. Get ride of the bad habit or what ever it is that is causing you the pain. Long story short, use the depression as sign that you NEED to make your life BETTER. WE can all do it. WE are not alone.

PS I graduated with a Lady that was in her 60's. If she can go back to school so can you. Just do it because it is something that you want to do.

 

It is so easy to get down on yourself and feel like you are worthless. Someone I knew committed suicide yesterday and everyone who knew him was a complete mess today. Even people who barely knew him and had never talked to him are upset and wishing he would have told someone. There are so many people that care about you and would be willing to talk to you and a lot of times we dont even realize it. You affect so many people and I am positive there are people who love you and care about you even if youve never talked to them. If you want to be a counselor I say go for it you are never too young to achieve your dreams. I hope you feel better soon.

 

You shouldn't have to apologize for typing out a 'long post'. See, I have never understood that. Is displaying fine literary ability a shameful thing?

Lol...

Okay, time to get serious...

We all have our moments, I assure you, where we feel less than stable. Hell, as of late, I've been experiencing what you could call, a semi-life crisis. Nothing too major, but enough to make me question some things, about my path and myself. I'm sure, as of late, that I've been grinding people with that. But it is better to let it out, than to let it fester inside, where it becomes almost unbearable.

I'd say, if you need to, keep posting and venting. Better to do something than nothing, in this case, I'd say. Besides, if you do bring anybody down, they were probably looking for a reason to be brought down.

I didn't get my driver's license until I was nearly 19. Before then, I just drove, without it, illegally. Not being able to drive isn't something, in my opinion, that makes you a success or failure. I'm pretty sure Jesus Christ and Socrates, didn't ride around in a BMW, but they both made their marks on the world (and I'm not trying to open up a debate here; the point is more important). Yes, it can be a little discouraging, but you can manage.

I have a job, but it is only one day a week, for 3-4 hours. I was fortunate to get the gig I have, because it pays well, but there are others out there, with no job. Some are older than you, and have no work experience. To any potential employers, you'd be the more likely-to-be-hired, since you haven't fallen into that 'what the fuck is wrong with this person, if they're ___ years old and never worked'. Trust me, being 21 and unemployed, is fairly common. Most individuals are still in school at that age, and many choose to be full-time students.

I can relate to the no friends. I have individuals I know of, and that I can mingle with, but it is very rarely, if at all, deep or with significant meaning. A lot of this has to do with my past, but some of it has to do with, my personality. I'm considered eccentric and helpful, and people don't like to get too close, because they worry they'll lose that. While this is going to easier said than done, you should look at your isolation as a sort of blessing.

Use this alone time to focus on you. Meditate, work out, write or draw. Build yourself up, be it for your own well being, or for a future job/career. Do something, or else you'll wind up as, and with, nothing. There will come a time in your life, when, you are so busy with work and associates, you'll be wishing for this alone time you had.

Well, first of all... your father is being a fucking idiot. Anyone who talks to their child like that, deserves to be backhanded. That isn't exactly healthy, nor does it set the self-esteem bar very high. Your father, if he does indeed get 'angry over nonsense all the time', sounds like he has his own personal demons to deal with. While this doesn't excuse his behavior, it does at least explain it.

Let me pose to you, something I had to pose to myself, years ago. My father used to (actually, the few times we still see one another, he still kind of does) put me down, but in a very joking manner. He never knew when to stop. At times, this would get to me, and I'd just sour up my mood.

Eventually, though, I posed this question to myself:

Why am I letting my father mold me into the person they are? I know they are, and I am better than this!​

Basically, don't let your father influence you. Don't get sucked into the same trap of a life, he has, because you are capable of more. Often times, others put us down, because it is easier to fall than it is to stand up. If we bring others down with us, we don't have to work on ourselves, yet can still feel superior or confident. It's petty and harmful, but folks do that -- I used to do that, so, I know how this works.

Easier said than done, I know.

You're never too old to do anything, except underage individuals, LOL.

Next time somebody tells you, you are too old to be doing something, you tell them:

" Aren't you too ignorant for me to listen to? "​

If being 21 in a course, primarily consisting of 19 year olds, is the bane of your existence, you're fortunate. I wouldn't even worry about the age-thing. Now, if you don't enjoy the course, because of the material itself, well, that is different. You don't need to force yourself into something, if you don't enjoy it/do it naturally, because it is going to cause more problems down the road. Is there other avenues or fields of interest, that you would like to pursue, or are good at? Like the counselor-thing.

Now you're too young to do something, while before, you felt you were too old. I didn't know ageism was alive and well in our young adults! Jesus Christ, do I need to backhand some folks, LOL.

If it helps, I've been told I could never be a psychologist (you only need to take a quick look around here, to know that is total bullshit), a teacher (same), a historian; or really, anything I wanted to be at one time, has been shot down. Either by my family, my teachers, or other people. I don't know all their reasons for shooting me down, but if I would have listened to all of them, you know where I would be right now?

Probably in a ditch, sweating or freezing to death, while cars drive past and pay no attention to that homeless, jobless, worthless bum.

Receiving praise from somebody in a field, that you like or wish to pursue, is a very high compliment. I would take that, and run with it. If you really wish to be a counselor, do so. Simplistically complex as that really.

That sounds rough, but there is some good to be had from this, if you are willing to look for it.

Your cousin sounds like, a pretty ideal fellow, so, like I told you before, take that and run with it. Instill the sort of ideas and behaviors your cousin engaged in, or indulged in, and keep the idea and memory alive. This may be just the sparking motivation you need, to move forward.

Sometimes the good fall, so that the better may rise in their place.

Getting back to the counselor-thing, for a moment... I think that is an admirable path, and I wish you the best of luck. I want to say something, though, and I hope this reaches you in the way I intend it to:

You want to be a counselor, yes? I can safely assume, a good deal of this is to help others, to be there for them, and provide them a genuine and non-biased shoulder to lean on, right?

If this is indeed true, then ask yourself: If I off myself, how will I ever be able to do that? Better yet, if I -- a genuine and naturally exceptional individual -- will not face a few trials, several hurdles, to be able to bring comfort to others, how can I expect the world/the system to change?

I've not attempted to kill myself, but I have entertained the idea. Logically, me being gone, wouldn't change anything. The world would still keep on turning, and I'd be forgotten in a while. However, it is precisely that reason, that I do not take my own life. My ego, a typical curse, is also a blessing, because it refuses to allow me to settle, to be perceived as 'just another tally mark'. I like to think, with the right preparation and the willpower, I can achieve practically anything I set out for.

Is it delusional? Some say so. It is pointless? Some say so. Is it likely to fail? Some say so. But see, if I listened to those people, I'd be just as fucking miserable as them. I'm not falling into the spiderweb of mediocrity, because I want to believe -- need to believe -- I am worth more, and can do more.

The same applies to you, robotman. Do you, and fuck anyone who would derail you -- because it is those people, that will gain, when you call it quits and walk away. The world will still operate like they do, and good folks, like yourself, will have their cries fall on deaf ears, and their desires to be loved fall on cold hearts.

If you can't bring yourself to do for yourself, then, do it for those who are not as strong, as capable, or as fortunate, as you are.

Without challenge, there is no gained strength. Without effort, there is no obtained change. Without I/you, there is no qualified deliverer.

 

You heard what the counsellor said you'd make a fine counsellor. My advice to you is to try and pursue that line of work. And please don't kill yourself you are NOT a pile of ****. No one in their right mind calls someone that.

 

Honey I feel just like you but ur so young u have so much to offer why don't u register for access? It's a program helping young adults in their lives achieve nd thrive .

 

I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful. Honestly I've felt similar, and for the record I'm 26 and only just learned to drive and am starting to get my life on track (I'm gonna train to be a counsellor too! Starting next year). It's never too late, I promise you.

I also got into loads of debt starting university at 22 and then dropping out after my depression and anxiety got too much. Dropping out is a lot more common than you think, and it isn't the end of the world You live and you learn - it's all experience, which is exactly what you need as a counsellor, right?

Please don't feel like your life is worthless (and don't feel guilty for surviving where your cousin couldn't, they wouldn't want that for you). You aren't happy right now but that doesn't mean you can never be happy. Make a list of things you want to change and start working on them, one thing at a time. If you wanna ditch your course, do that. If you wanna drive, save up and start having lessons. If you want to be a counsellor - hell with what anyone else thinks, start doing some reading, apply for courses and see if you can get yourself an interview. You can build the life you want, don't let your past set-backs make you think you can't!

Aside from the age thing, you have to take care of yourself and work through your own issues before you are strong enough to take on the burden of someone else's. When you reach the other side you'll be in an amazing position to help others do the same, so I would focus on getting the help you need to get yourself into a happier, healthier place than you're in right now
I'm based in the UK too, shout if you ever need anything, whether it's to talk about how you're feeling, interest in counselling and how to go about getting into it, whatever ^^

 

(*hug*)

 

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