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Stress piling up on more stress

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by artist92, Oct 8, 2014.

  1. artist92

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    I cant even focus on one of my stress problems. Ive tried everything. I havent done anything to make an impact, nothing to be remembered by. Just a stupid dream that somehow by making videos maybe it would make me feel at least worth something. But truth is, if I died, nothing changes. The only thing I do is draw, make videos, and try to make a living. Nobody needs those drawings. Nobody needs the videos. Life would go on. If I make a hype video, whoopee. Hours of work so for 2 minutes somebody has something to watch. It changes nothing at all. The game plays out, and the video changes nothing. So why even do it? After a whole lot of thinking, the only person that needed the videos... was me. It gave me a sense of worth. Thinking that maybe I could do something that in some way would make a difference, or at least make me feel like my life had a point. My dream is completely dead, my hopes are smashed, and nobody understands why it hurts so much. This was my life, not just some hobby. And now... its gone. If I wasn't just a stupid pile of shit, I would have kept my mouth shut and never said anything... but no I go and screw up what Ive wanted to do since I was young.
     
  2. DarkestDream

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    Hi, artist92 :slight_smile:
    First of all...I do understand getting frustrated...but listen to me carefully...

    You're NOT...a stupid pile of shit....got it?

    Lemme tell you something that I like to do. It has to do with graphic design. I'm trying to teach myself..how to make art using programs like GIMP. I make pictures..banners...stuff like that...just for me. I also have sorta learned how to make videos using windows movie maker. I want to get better, though. I get frustrated because I can't quite get certain things, so I put it aside for awhile.

    That's not my dream, it's just a hobby. Yet I still strive for it.

    I don't know what made your hopes come crashing down, but your dream, whatever it is, DOESN'T HAVE TO DIE. There are people (like myself) who are encouraged, and inspired...by people like you. We take a look at what others have accomplished and we go...'if THEY can do it, so can I'. THAT'S what I look for around me. THAT'S what keeps me going.

    So I want you to remember this; just when you think you haven't made any difference whatsoever, there's someone somewhere who is encouraged by you...and you don't have to do a thing...just be YOU. (*hug*)


     
  3. artist92

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    Thanks, I wish it wasn't dead but it is. I was having a horrendous day, in fact it was the day the police sent me to a crisis center because of a failed suicide. And I said somewhere on a Facebook group that I didn't like the coach (I worked for a major football team). I had to take my anger out somehow and I guess I wasn't thinking. Then because of it Im not working there, lost my sideline passes, and even the videos I did as a hobby are gone. This is not something where I can just make videos for another team. This is something Ive dreamed of since I was little. I care nothing about anything else. Ive been nearly hospitalized from lack of sleep after a loss, thats how much I love the team. Anyone with one ounce of sense would have stopped themselves before posting something idiotic like that. Its not really the money. It was just a contract job. It was because I could stand there on the field with the people Ive watched all my life, watching my work being played in front of 60,000 people. And the worst part is, had I just had one friend... someone I could actually see and just talk and cry with, I never would have said anything. But I have a bad habit of bottling things up s much until I let it out in unhealthy ways. Ive never had a friend. Or at least not one in my state. The closest friend Ive eve had lived on the other side of the country, so online is still my only option. But its just not enough. This job problem, depression, and just feeling like the only trans person in the state is killing me.
     
  4. DarkestDream

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    I'm sorry that happened to you, and yes, it most likely WOULD have helped if you had at least one friend you could relate to. It's okay to feel this way, but don't keep yourself there forever, okay? We all make mistakes, and some of them can be real BIG ones. The best part about making mistakes is that we can learn from them. Another GOOD thing to remember is that we don't know what the future will bring us, and that gives us something to look forward to, right? You have talent, all you need to do is reorganize your goals, and set a new course. You don't HAVE to feel defeated! I BELIEVE IN YOU. :thumbsup:
     
  5. SeaSalt

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    This is completely useless advice but maybe you havent found your new dream yet, Dreams can change. It was my dream to become a Games Developer, I never wanted anything else and I am still working on that. Recently however, I realised that my real dream is to travel. I dont know where I want to travel to or even who with but I just dream of escaping and seeing the world. I dont need an escape like you do, my family is loving and understanding (or they try to be) but I do desperately need to escape from myself and I guess I see traveling as the best way to do that. This isnt really advice as it is....Well I dont know what the hell it is. Just soldier on and all the fog will clear eventually and you may end up somewhere you never even dreamed of.