Life is really starting to take me for a ride, and its testing and pushing my boundaries. Today was a terrible day, I went to another therapist in hope to find someone who understood what I was going through, but today was a terrible day because I did not find a person to trust or believe, I found someone looking for their next paycheck, someone who did not take me seriously and believed I was another textbook problem. As an underage minor, I am sick of being treated like crap. I will not be going back because if I go back, I will have to sit in a room and listen to things that I have listened to thousands of times, but I am not sure what to do anymore. My hope is nothing these days, I have very little hope for where I am going to be. I do not believe I will get better, I don't believe that I will find anyone who can understand, and I wish I didn't have to hurt so much in between every session and every search. Its been two months of searching for someone who is willing to listen, to understand, who can understand any sense of the suffering or pain I'm going through, but I can't even get that. It is always, "You need more sleep" when I sleep all day and through the night and never want to wake up. It is always, "You need to exercise more," when there have been days where I have run so far and so much, I have collapsed because I don't know what to do anymore. "You need to just watch a sunset, stop being so negative, find your way through things," and I am sick of listening to these empty words and phrases that mean nothing to me because in case you didn't know, I don't want to do anything because I have no hope, and I can't find anyone who can help me find it because everyone is so terrible it feels like. I hate therapy, I wish I didn't have to go, but my parents are forcing me for the benefit of the doubt. I hate Depression. There is no understanding of it unless you have experienced it. Stop trying to cure me of something by throwing crap at a fan and telling me to follow it to wherever it goes.
