I'm not sure if the title fits the thread. Anyhow, I've been suffering from homophobic outbursts and thoughts for the past three years. I am unsure of what started it as I have been openly gay for about 5 years. It seems that I only get upset when the discussion is about sex, and not anything to do with homosexuality itself. I'm not just disgusted with homosexual sex, I am disgusted with heterosexual sex as well if it is done for fun and not for reproduction. I know this is a common argument from deeply religious people, but for me, the issue isn't based around religion. It's just something I feel. I would like to stop being a homophobe and just be happy for other people, as well as myself. My outbursts have cost me a lot of stress as well as trust from others. It resembles something like Pure O homosexual obsession, but I do not believe that I qualify for that. Any advice, tips, tricks, whatever is welcomed.
I think I understand this..let me give it a shot.. Having sex just to have sex, not caring about how someone's feelings, being flippant about it..? For myself, sex isn't the 'be all end all- of a relationship. I don't need it. Perhaps when I was younger, maybe...but not at this point in my life. Sometimes I get perturbed when people may act like all that's important is the sex, and they don't care about the person, they just want to have sex with them. I don't know if I'm making sense, or if what I'm saying has anything to do with what you mean here...
What I mean is the very idea that anyone has sex outside of trying to reproduce disgusts me. The reason I believe I'm less hard on heterosexuals is because there is a chance with most of them to reproduce, but trust me, they bother me just as much. This isn't the focus though. That was just some background information. I'm just looking for advice on how to be more accepting of myself and other homosexual men. I find myself being very angry and unfair towards them and myself.
Are your homophobic tendencies purely because of gut feelings, or because you think there's some real reason why people shouldn't have non-reproductive sex? Could it just be that you don't think the act should be done without reproduction in mind? Because that's hardly homophobia, but an entirely different kind of problem you'd be better off getting rid of. Sex is pleasurable, and when done responsibly, harmless and even helpful for building intimate feelings in couples. Even devout religious couples are allowed to do it for fun as long as they're married.
I'm not saying that me thinking non-reproductive sex is homophobic. It's the fact that I verbally lash out at homosexuals. I will call someone every name in the book. I think it is fueled by my thoughts on sex, but that is just a guess. I just think sex is reserved for reproduction. Nothing more than that.
Well I won't tell you how to live, so there's no real problem with that. As far as lashing out at gays, I think that's just an exercise in respecting other people. Their behavior isn't harmful so deserves no ill treatment in return. And to a point, even harmful behavior could be left alone assuming that the harm doesn't come to anyone innocent or otherwise not involved. Not sure how helpful all of this is :/ but I guess it boils down to inner peace. If you are comfortable with yourself and your choices, the actions of others don't often get to you.
I know it's not harmful. But I tend to lash out compulsively. Not just at others, but myself included. There seems to be no self control when doing it. I know I'm not helping. I know I make issues worse. But I have the worst time holding back on it. I'm never satisfied from doing it. I don't exactly know how to fix it. All that was recommended to me was to surround myself with members of the LGTB and prevent myself from getting upset over them.
You've never had sex for pleasure? Rather have you ever felt love for someone so great you had to hug them? Think of a family member you love deeply, a parent or sibling or close friend, and imagine loving someone so much you want them to experience the most intense pleasure you know how to deliver. (Not a parent or sibling though. A stranger with no family connections) Some people are asexual and can understand sexual reproduction and the attempt/failure of trying to conceive as the only stimulus for sex or that level of intimacy, but it's important to remember people are all kinds and enjoy life in many ways. If it isn't harming anyone why not let them enjoy life as they wish? Their choice in sex as a form of pleasure is no different than your choice of coffee over tea for some people. Dunno if that makes sense
