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Just need to talk. Advice if felt lead.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by questions1, Oct 10, 2014.

  1. questions1

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    I have come to the conclusion that I am indeed a lesbian. I was questioning myself for a very long time, and now I'm quite positive. I just can't see myself ever being with a guy. Maybe because I've been both physically and mentally hurt. Touch for me is quite off limits when it comes to guys. With girls? I am much more at ease.
    What makes me sick is the fact that I really don't want to be a lesbian. I am a Pastor's kid, and from the very beginning, I have been taught that homosexuality is very wrong. What I mean is acting on the impulse, is wrong. People can be attracted to the opposite sex, it just becomes a sin if you dwell on it and God forbid, act on it. My parents would probably disown me if I told them I was gay. My older brother would probably still talk to me. The only one who would support me all the way is my cousin. But I don't want to come out. I don't want to be this way.
    All I want is a friend. Someone to turn to for any and everything, and when I need closeness will give it to me.
    What also stresses me out is the fact that quite a few of my friends have told me that I just need to come out already. How did they know before I did that I'm gay?
    One of my best friends is a lesbian. She used to be on my college's rowing team, so we have been placed in the same hotel room. I've woken up as the little spoon, and it didn't bother me at all. No, I wasn't turned on, I just felt safe. This friend knows my story, and said she will always be there if I need her.
    Anyways, if anybody got this far, maybe what I'm wanting is advice on how to accept myself? Or just live guilt free. I don't know.
     
    #1 questions1, Oct 10, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2014
  2. Chiroptera

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    Hey :slight_smile:

    You were brave to come to that conclusion. That's a huge step, congratulations.

    Why would God forbid homosexuality? It is just a different kind of love, and, just like heterosexuality, as long as it isn't hurting anyone and it is making two people happy together, why it would be a sin?

    God wants you to be happy. As long as you aren't doing anything that hurts another person, it is fine.
     
  3. Blossom85

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    Congratulations on getting to that point.. It sounds like it is a very hard thing for you to come to terms with.. I think a lot of it with religion is to do with an individuals interpretation of the bible.. I am sorry you are in this place where your family is overly religious and are a preachers kid, cause I am guessing you feel you need to be doing it better then the rest of them.. You need to be a good example.. Am I right? And you feel being a lesbian would totally ruin that perception to everyone.

    I am not a really religious person, but I do believe in God and I agree that God just wants you to be happy and feel free to express yourself in any way you wish to. Love is love.. No matter who it is.. A man and a woman, or a man and a man or a woman and a woman.. The feelings are all the same, expression of love and care is the same, there is nothing wrong with it at all.. You need to figure out that although you might be religious and live in that world, you can still be your own person.. You can still be whoever you want to be.. Just focus on the fact that God created all humans, and being gay is something that you are born being.. Now thinking about that.. Why would God create gay people if he thought it was wrong? Just a little thing to think about..
     
  4. questions1

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    Yes, people with who they want to be with is happiness. I wish I could be happy. I haven't seen or felt anything for anyone. I just know what I'm attracted to.
    I could be that obnoxious person and quote Bible verses. I don't want to though. I was taught that the Bible is inerrant. I know I believe it too, because I've tried to not believe it, and I always come back to it.

    and yes.
    I feel as if I need to be a good example. Thats what I hate about being a Pastor's kid. Yes, I'm out of the house, but having grown up in the spotlight of the church, where all eyes are on me, watching for any slip ups, well. I haven't been able to shake that feeling of being under scrutiny. Obviously, the only scrutiny is only coming from my family.
    Maybe i'm just being paranoid.
    Thank you so much for your support.
     
  5. Blossom85

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    You are welcome, just know you have people here who wanna be here for you and support you so don't be shy or scared to keep posting. Just knowing someone is listening and not judging is often enough to help us through even if it's just a little bit.
     
  6. Chiroptera

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    I confess i'm not an expert on the Bible, but i don't remember any verses that really condemn homossexuality, if you consider all the context. There is just one, if i recall correctly, but it is the opinion of the prophet, not the words of God, in that specific part.

    I may be wrong thought, but i have LGBT-religious friends that agree with that.

    The Bible may be misinterpreted sometimes. But remember its biggets message: God loves everyone, and God wants everyone to be happy, as long as we don't hurt anyone else.
     
  7. PatrickUK

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    If you've grown up believing The Bible to be innerant, infallible and unchanging and you truly think that way yourself my comments will probably have little impact on your thoughts or feelings, but I'm still going to give it a try anyway. I'm not going to go down a blind alley and quote any of the contentious passages from scripture though as it makes little difference to the point I'm about to make, which is more to do with the heritage of The Bible - something all Christians and non-Christians should understand, but few seem to.

    The Bible, as we know it today seems rather rigid and inflexible, with strong words of condemnation on all manner of subjects, including homosexuality (a term unknown to the original authors of the Bible), but it hasn't always been so.

    If you were to compare a modern, printed Bible against a number of ancient hand written Bibles you would encounter very significant differences. Ancient copies of the Christian Bible were always handwritten and more fluid than you might believe. It was only the introduction of mechanical printers that brought uniformity. This is one of the most significant reasons for exercising caution when reading the Bible now. Placing too much weight on the precise wording or syntax of a particular phrase or passage takes you into a kind of no mans land.

    The ancient scribes didn't preserve original copies of Biblical manuscripts, so what we have today is undoubtedly based on translations of hand written copies of copies, with all of the imprefections that go with it. Most conservative Christians never even pause to consider that most basic and undeniable fact, preferring to put the Bible on a pedestal and claim inerrancy and infallibility. Quite simply, it isn't and it just cannot be.

    Another interesting point is that our understanding and interpretation of scripture has not always been so inflexible. For example, from late antiquity to the medieval period there was a multi-layered approach to biblical interpretation, focusing on the literal word, allegorical and symbolic meaning, moral meaning and analogical significance. The rigid line taken by some Churches today is in response to critical thinking and a percieved attack on the Bible and Christian faith.

    Of course, I can't make you believe any of this and I'm not going lambast your understanding or faith either as I'm a Christian myself. For me the Bible has many qualities and I do take it seriously, despite what I have said above, but the Bible is not the object of my worship and personal devotion and nor for that matter is the Church.

    All of this is relevant to LGBT Christians, because if we can set aside the idea that the Bible curses us for being human, we can break the chains of religious fundamentalism and live happy and contented lives, walking hand in hand with the God who we love so much. If we idolise the Bible though and accept every line as infallible we will be enslaved by it and never accept our true selves.

    I hope this hasn't offended. I really do hope you will be able to take something from my words and see that you can live a full life as a Lesbian and a Christian.

    ---------- Post added 11th Oct 2014 at 05:39 PM ----------

    I thought you might like to look at this thread from a different part of EC. It includes a link to an article that may encourage you:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...n-pastor-promises-do-if-his-children-gay.html
     
  8. questions1

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    Thank you.
    I realize that I need to live my life without feeling the need to be perfect. Let people judge if they want. I am made just the way I am for a reason. I will never be able to come out to my family though. The saying Ignorance is Bliss will most definitely work for their benefit. I have a lot of self evaluation and personal growth to do before I even think about a relationship.