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HELP! Very confused...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by mlansing, Oct 11, 2014.

  1. mlansing

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    So I've been attracted to boys ever since I was a kid (late 20s now), but I refused to accept it. I became a Jesus freak in college, read all the ex-gay literature and went to reparative therapy, abstained from porn and even stopped masturbating for a whole year. I just recently got out of a relationship with a girl I thought I was going to marry. We had sex, but prior to her I never had any sex with boys or girls. I'm at a point now where I'm trying to maybe, possibly, potentially accept that I'm gay but I have a lot of fears standing in my way. For one I'm afraid it would create a barrier between me and my male friends, and the neurotic side of me is afraid of going to Hell, even though I don't believe in a God who would do that (my rational mind doesn't believe it, but my neurotic side is like but what if??????? :bang:slight_smile:. Also, I wouldn't even know where or how to start dating men. I'm frankly disgusted by the high promiscuity in the gay community. I don't mean to offend anyone with my comments, I'm just trying to be honest and hopefully get some honest feedback :help:
     
  2. SpaceSuit

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    lol. The "high promiscuity" is a ridiculous statement considering half the comments on this site are about people unable to find a relationship. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:. That said, I understand exactly where you are coming from. I was raised in a very conservative religion (SDA) and was taught all the anti-gay stuff, etc. Because it was shown as such a negative thing, I didn't even think I was gay, because I wasn't doing all those "evil, godless" things that kept being brought up whenever homosexuality was discussed. Anyway, I finally accepted that I was gay for a very simple reason: Because I'm gay. I am attracted exclusively to women. There's no beating around that bush. There is nothing wrong with being gay, despite what your pastors and those bible tracts might have to say on the matter.

    I understand that it is way scary to go straight from "I'm going to marry this woman" to "dude, am I really gay?", but from the sounds of things you know that you're gay and you're just having a hard time accepting it. That's normal. I don't actually know anyone from a religious background who didn't struggle with coming out to themselves. Guilt and fear are definitely problems, but you can get past them if you come to accept yourself and love yourself for who and what you are. There is nothing wrong with you.

    As for your sexuality getting in the way of your male friendships...well, if they let that change the way they feel about you then they aren't very accepting friends. I had to lose some friends when I came out, because they just couldn't accept this part of me and looking back, I know that it was for the best, because they would have created a toxic environment. There's nothing wrong with trimming some friends out of your life if they aren't going to accept you.

    Basically, get to know yourself and learn to be okay with who you are. It might take time, but there's nothing wrong with that. :slight_smile:.

    Also, I did find your "disgusted by the high promiscuity in the gay community" comment offensive. No worries though. Just...generalizing like that kind of hits a nerve for me.

    I hope you are able to accept yourself and come to appreciate this part of yourself that causes you fear and apprehension. It sounds like you believe in a loving god. There's no reason why you should torment yourself over something that makes you, you.
     
    #2 SpaceSuit, Oct 11, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2014
  3. mlansing

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    Wow, thank you so much. Your reply is really helpful. I apologize about the promiscuity comment. I think that's more a reflection of how little exposed I am to gay culture/life/etc. Thank you, you've given me some good things to think about.
     
  4. SpaceSuit

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    That's good. :slight_smile:. Contemplation and analysis are two very powerful tools when it comes to self-realizations.