Can I ask my therapist if she is a lesbian? Would that strain our relationship or offend her? The only reason I want to know is that I thought if she is gay she may have more understanding of what is going on inside my head. If she is straight that is okay too.
That's probably too personal. Unless a therapist volunteers that information or says it's okay to ask questions, a therapist generally avoids discussing his or her personal life with their clients. Most therapists are trained to help gay and lesbian clients and I'm pretty sure every therapist I've had was straight, and yet the ones I stuck with were very, very helpful. If she's not getting it done for you, you can always ask for a referral to a therapist that specializes in LGBT issues. They are out there and if you do your homework, you should be able to find one.
If you're worried about offending her maybe framing the question a different way might minimize the chances of that. Maybe try asking if she's ever wondered if she were anything other than straight? Since she knows you're questioning yourself wondering if someone else ever has wouldn't be too unexpected.
It isn't a very appropriate question. Therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists are trained to be very cautious when giving out information to clients for a variety of reasons. There are times when volunteering personal information and experiences can be useful in therapy, especially with establishing trust and familiarity; however, that information is best left up to the professional to disclose as they please. Otherwise, addressing questions personal questions can bring a feeling of uneasiness because they will often feel as though they have to be very tactical in the information they disclose as to not set off triggers, bring on attachments, etc. A better approach to discovery whether a therapist is knowledgeable on LGBTQ topics in general is to ask general questions. "I have always felt this way. Is this normal for people who are questioning? Sometimes I _____________. Have you heard of this before?" Ask about her knowledge about other people in regards to sexuality, rather than asking about her.
I was leaning towards inappropriate as well. I won't ask but I would like to know what qualifications she has to deal with lgbt individuals and questioning.
ask if she is familiar with queer issues, then specify lesbian issues specifically. if they get weirded out by or offended by that then they are a bad fit.
I would have to agree that it seems a little too inappropriate and to personal a question to ask someone whom you are paying to help you, I think most therapists are trained in many different subject areas and are there to simply help you, so even if she is straight, I think she still is trained enough to deal with whatever issues a patient comes in with, otherwise she wouldn't be practicing.. It could make your sessions awkward and uncomfortable if she feels you are getting too personal. If it is something you have spoken about, you questioning your sexuality, maybe ask her general questions or Phrase questions in the approach like Gen has mentioned.
Does your therapist know you're questioning your sexuality? My therapist told me she is gay, herself, when I kept phrasing my thoughts on my sexuality as "blah blah blah... does that make sense?" I don't think I meant anything by it, it's just a bit of a "tic" of mine when trying to explain my feelings. But at a certain point she said "You know I'm gay, right? You keep asking if what you're saying makes sense, and I am sitting here thinking 'YES'" :lol: . In her case, however, she'd made references to her partner in the past, so she'd assumed I knew her orientation. I thought she might be lesbian, but wasn't absolutely sure because "partner" can mean a lot of things and sometimes for some reason straight people use it, too. I think Gen's suggestions are great, keep it more general with your questions, and your therapist will offer personal information if she feels it's relevant or helpful. I wouldn't ask her directly, though, that may cross a bit of the patient/doctor line, and it puts her on the spot.
Different therapists have different views on self disclosure. You will never offend your therapist by asking such a question (assuming the therapist is competent), but she may deflect or ask you why it's important for you to know. But there should be no harm in asking if it is important to you.
