I was thinking of posting this in the anon section but then I thought: nah, screw it. I am fed up. I am sick of working at a dead end job with people that harass me CONSTANTLY! I am fed up of the fact that my f*cking dad died and has bestowed the 'man of the house' title I mean I didn't even get to grow up properly. I am sick of this f*cking mortgage that's f*cked my mums life. Maybe if I waited, and been more patient, my dad wouldn't have died which ultimately led to my grandparents deaths. I just don't care anymore
~big hugs~ I know the feeling.. I get a little fed up and over it every now and then as well, so you aren't alone. I hope you feel a little better soon.
(*hug*) I am sorry you've got so much responsibility weighing you down. I know how that feels and it sucks big time. Hang in there. Have you tried talking to therapist? Sometimes just having someone there to listen to all the harsh realities makes it easier to bear them since you have some way of releasing a bit of the frustration, anger, and stress. I wish I could do something to help you that would make an actual difference. . Just be kind to yourself. You didn't ask for all this to happen and it is not your fault. (*hug*).
Don't go there, to 'what if'/'maybe if' land. You can't change the past, you can only try to make an impact on the future. I lost my partner a year ago. He had a heart attack while jogging. Just before he went, I had this 'last chance' of... Of what?! Of stopping him?! ... Maybe, or maybe not. Maybe I stopped him and he didn't had this heart attack, but the next day, or a week after... I can spend the rest of my life thinking about all that could have happened... Long hours, days, years... And it won't change a thing! The fact is that he is gone now, and I have to carry on. What my parents did, or tried to do won't forever f* up my life, because I won't allow it. Sometimes they did a terrific job, sometimes they didn't... They are human too, they made mistakes and they were perfectly fine by doing mistakes... Everybody does them, it's human nature... As I've said, you didn't had the control back then, you've got it now. It's your life, not your parent's. We make the best possible choice with the information we have at a point in life. Back then maybe you didn't thought that things would turn out the way they did, so in that sense you can't be 'guilty' of anything.
Awe, I am so sorry (*hug*) I wish I could say something to make you feel better but just know I am here if you ever wanna talk.