Recently I have been bothered by a few things that happened to me a long time ago. I think it's because when I recently saw a gender psychiatrist, she seemed under the impression that I have been sexually abused at some point and that's what's behind my gender dysphoria. I haven't. However, I have had a long standing fear of being sexually abused and have always been disgusted by the idea of anyone being attracted to me. Anyway, this question about sexual abuse made me think back to a couple of things that happened to me over 10 years ago now when I was in my early teens, perhaps younger. I'm not sure what to make of it. I think I am probably over-exaggerating but I can't help how angry, humiliated and disgusted I feel about it. I just wanted some feedback. When I was entering puberty, my younger brother and sister were always pestering me about my body. They were always trying to sneak a peak. It made me feel sick. My sister would get my bras out of my wardrobe when her friends came over and they would be looking at them. My brother and sister would also be checking the sanitary bin in the bathroom for evidence that I had my period and before I bought a loft bed when I was 13, my brother would come into our bedroom in the morning, climb on top of me and hump me. I know it sounds disgusting but it was like they got off on it. One evening, I was in my pajamas (trousers and a camisole top) talking to my sister when all of a sudden, she pulled my top down so she could see my chest. Again, it was like she got off on it. She screamed and shouted to my brother 'I saw them! I saw them!' Another time, I was in the kitchen fully dressed pouring myself a drink and my brother came in and stuck his fingers between my legs. Luckily, I was wearing trousers but he still managed to cop a good feel. For quite a while after, I couldn't erase the awful feeling of his fingers being there. I felt violated. I know these things are no way near anything like sexual abuse and I don't doubt that wouldn't be trans if these things hadn't happened. The problem is I buried my feelings about these things and now they have been brought back up. My mum knew about all these things that went on yet dismissed them as childish behaviors but now, more than 10 years down the line, I'm still struggling with the consequences.
I disagree with your therapist. I was abused when I was a child, and if anything it caused me to disregard my gender dysphoria for far too long because I thought any issues I had with my gender or sexuality were due to the abuse. It comes from the premise that being transgendered is something that's abnormal. As for your siblings ... no one can cause embarrassment and distress like a younger sibling. They know exactly which buttons to push to cause the maximum discomfort. Mine never tried to touch me, but when they found something to tease me about that made me squirm, they were relentless. Kids are a-holes. Of course we can't condemn children for their actions like we do the adults who abuse children, but I think the effect of abuse/bullying by peers tends to be downplayed a lot.
what your siblings did was a form of abuse or at least bullying/ humiliation. It is difficult to assess how they really figure in your development - but they clearly impacted on you at the time maybe you can discuss more with your therapist ??
