How can I get up and accomplish with low energy/anxiety/fear

im having a hard time taking steps to improve my life, im making lists of
new hobbies from swimming, going to the gym, acting classes, vocal lessons and things to help myself improve such as my low self esteem and low confidence and to enhance my communication skills to talk to people and keep a conversation flowing with people esp with guys and I want to and i know it will require work. However when i think about it, i feel like something is draining my energy. Also having thoughts that nothing will really change if I try to change. Also my anxiety is getting in the way too!

Also I dont know how to start for example I would like to start working out in the gym but I have anxiety, which i dont know how im going to do this, not to mention i dont have anybody else to go with me.
The reason why the gym is because im too skinny my grandmother tells me that i need to gain weight and then she told me that I can find a potential guy as a date.

Maybe I should make an appointment with my therapist, however my money has been extremely tight I cant afford a session even though its really cheap too. To be honest its $25 for my therapist session and $25 for my psychiatrist meds check up. I havent seen them in 4 months now. However I have 2 jobs and my hours are very poor barely have enough money for food gas and my medications. For example right now I have $13 in my account Im trying to look for another job and plan on going to a temp agency to find me a better job!
I have ADHD-Inattentive, chronic unspecified depression, and anxiety disorder.
One of my managers says to me stop writing down lists and just do it, its easier said than done, im worried when it comes to hobbies to try that im interested that i will fail miserably and disappoint myself of the things that i have interest in.

So I dont know really when i have a list of things that i would like to achieve it seems like an energy makes me not want to do it and just want to lay in bed with my pajamas on with cold air blasting cause of my fans and curl in a ball listening to music.

I brought this up before that im interested in Video Production TV/Film again however i took high school classes etc and plan to continue my college degree in TV production, one thing i am VERY VERY concern is if i even have the natural skills and talent to work for TV production.

Im just trying to tap in spiritually (praying) to God and the Universe to help guide me of what Im suppose to be doing on this earth.

 

@DarkestDream Thank You

 

@LadyRedRover
Oh okay! I think for cardio Im going to stick with jumping jacks, because I am skinny! lol I use to be fat but im pretty skinny and I do need to gain a little weight my dad says that I need to eat when i came by their house! I use to be 210 when i was 16 then I lost weight by exercising and eating right and then weighed 174! However I was going through issues emotionally and I was put on a medication an antidepressant for my ADD and my depression symptoms I took it for 6 months within those months I dropped to 148lbs! Im still on the medication now and im right now mid150s I use to be 160lbs a couple weeks ago but im down to 150s


When it comes to acting classes and vocal lessons I really wasnt doing for self confidence but just to try out new hobbies to see if im talented at something or have the potential to be really great at something for once so acting is one of the hobbies I plan to try.

When it comes to volunteering I would like to do something like feeding the homeless and do something for the LGBT community!

Whats sad about my money is that im barely getting by with the necessity!
At my 1st job I work one day a week from 12pm-4pm so 8hrs every 2 weeks at $9.50 (there store is very small family own and I worked there for 2 1/2 years) My 2nd job which I dont like at all and want to quit asap is my janitorial job I work 22 hours in 2 weeks $8.00 an hour!

I have to pay rent which is $450 a month plus gas and food! Right now I have $13 in my account and i just paid 6 days ago! Thank goodness I have a credit card but I cant get to crazy about that though.

Thanks Lady Red

---------- Post added 22nd Oct 2014 at 01:20 AM ----------

@Spacesuit I also take a anti anxiety medication too Buspirone!
Honestly positive talk really doesnt help me that much. I tried but its like whom am I kidding? With me if I think of something negative then it would be somewhat negative and I think that its typical, however at times I am wrong and something good happens and that makes me feel better because I didnt expect it which give me a little hope. If Im going through a bad time and think positive, something negative would happen, and Im just like "great"! So I tend to stay away from positive thoughts because I dont want to be disappointed, all the time! So now usually I dont think about anything when any situation comes up, and just have the element of surprise, which I think kind of sucks too! I wonder how people who are so positive have most things done to them that are positive and having good luck. Then you have me who is going through something negative and trying to think positive thoughts but it doesnt work, for me most of the time, and its very frustrating. "I can do this" "Things will go well" I cant believe those because the opposite happens and its depressing to me! Which makes me thankful and humble, at times I just think what do I have that others dont, and I make a list what im thankful for, from making it another day to be able to walk to having all of my fingers and toes, to having a bed to sleep on, those types of things. Also the thought that there is someone always going through worse than me, I think about that too.

---------- Post added 22nd Oct 2014 at 01:21 AM ----------

@Spacesuit I also take a anti anxiety medication too Buspirone!
Honestly positive talk really doesnt help me that much. I tried but its like whom am I kidding? With me if I think of something negative then it would be somewhat negative and I think that its typical, however at times I am wrong and something good happens and that makes me feel better because I didnt expect it which give me a little hope. If Im going through a bad time and think positive, something negative would happen, and Im just like "great"! So I tend to stay away from positive thoughts because I dont want to be disappointed, all the time! So now usually I dont think about anything when any situation comes up, and just have the element of surprise, which I think kind of sucks too! I wonder how people who are so positive have most things done to them that are positive and having good luck. Then you have me who is going through something negative and trying to think positive thoughts but it doesnt work, for me most of the time, and its very frustrating. "I can do this" "Things will go well" I cant believe those because the opposite happens and its depressing to me! Which makes me thankful and humble, at times I just think what do I have that others dont, and I make a list what im thankful for, from making it another day to be able to walk to having all of my fingers and toes, to having a bed to sleep on, those types of things. Also the thought that there is someone always going through worse than me, I think about that too.