Me and my brother are identical twins. We're pretty close. We used to do everything together but now we live in different cities so live different lives to an extent. I had suspicions for a while that something was going on with my brother and thought that he might be seeing a guy. However, a couple of days ago I hacked into his fb and read these messages between him and this guy. I know it was wrong of me to hack his profile. I regret doing it. I'm happy that he has a boyfriend. However, I also feel extremely upset and pissed off at the same time. I feel like I've lost my best friend. He is my biggest ally and together we have this support system. I suddenly feel like I've been replaced. It's really stupid and I feel really bad for feeling like this. Also it was me that came out to our parents and family. I bore that responsibility. I was the one that took my Mum's tears. It seems unfair that he has a boyfriend and I'm stuck in our shitty home town alone. God I sound bitter! I guess its his private life but I also thought he would have told me. Maybe he thinks I'd react like this?
Try not to be bitter... you don't know his reasoning without having a conversation with him. Just because you were ready to come out doesn't mean that he is... no matter how similar the two of you are. I wouldn't be upset at all... you haven't lost him... blood is thicker than water... and he will always be your brother... All you do now... is nothing... carry on... support him... maybe have a keener eye to clues he might give, so that you can say something and encourage him to come out to you. Just be a good brother!
I agree. Wait for him tell you what's going on or else he may feel "violated" for lack of a better term. I can pretty much guarantee that he still feels equally as close to you as ever and that your relationship won't suffer as a result of him finding someone. Same way it wouldn't suffer if he was straight and found a girlfriend. With regards to your mom. You should be happy that you made it easier for him and that because of you he will find acceptance and peace much easier. Coming from someone who had a family member come out just 2 years before me, I can tell you it made my life 100 times easier and I couldn't be more appreciative for that person. Im sure he will feel the same and you should be proud that you did that for him. No need to feel bitter.
Another vote for "not a terrible brother". OK, that spying on his account was wrong, and you should definitely not do that ever again. But... being annoyed or jealous happens in the best and closest of relationships. My situation isn't exactly the same as ours, but I did feel something much similar towards my brother. We were (and still are) very close. He's one of the few people that I am always totally honest with. We even share most of our friends. ...and somehow, I felt robbed when, in the course of events, he ended up moving out earlier than I did, getting a career faster than I did, getting a girlfriend before I even managed to come out, and all that while I was still living at home like a hermit (long story there, but I had my reasons for that). He's 3 years younger than I am! How dare he do all of those things first, while I'm putting away my hopes and dreams for the sake of my family! What you should bear in mind, though, is that it's probably not so much being mad at him for being first, than it is being mad at yourself for not having made a change as well. It's awesome that you came out first and set things in motion, but it's not his responsability to wait on you in all the other steps. And in the case of my brother, it ended up actually giving me the push I needed to make a change myself. I actually like his girlfriend (now wife) so much it sometimes feels like I got a sister out of the deal. And while I wouldn't say that he was any help in finding a boyfriend, once I got one, he did have some good relationship advice to share. Maybe what you should do is try to set up a visit. go and hang out with him for a weekend or so. Talk about life, the universe, and everything. Meet that boyfriend of his and discover he's only another human being with flaws. And who knows, maybe you'll come home with inspiration for finding one of your own!
Thanks for your advice My parents are totally on board with me being gay now so I reckon they'll react exactly the same with him. I think my Mum just got a shock. As for the relationship part I think you're right. I think its mainly jealousy I'm feeling ---------- Post added 23rd Oct 2014 at 04:26 PM ---------- I think you're right about being mad at myself. I'm the more introverted twin so I usually lag a bit behind my brother. However, this time I thought it was different after I came out. I'm just annoyed that I haven't been able to get a boyfriend. From stalking his boyfriends facebook page he does seem a nice guy. I'm sure I'd get a long with him really well if I gave him a chance.
