I feel really down right now, I'm gay bisexual and two years ago I was at the deepest point of depression and I asked out a girl I had liked for about a year. Since then I have been happy in life but recently I've started to realize that even though I love her I really want to date a guy but even though I'm only 19 and still young I've never really had the chance to date a guy. No one has really ever shown interest in me before, sure quite a few girls have, that's not what I'm interested in. I would love to be with a guy but as I'm starting to become depressed again I feel as though that would never happen. Like I feel as though I'm alone even though when I'm with my girlfriend I'm the happiest I've ever been. All I can think when I see gay couples that's something I'll never get to experience. I feel so alone and like I should just give up on life, I see cute guys in public and immediately shut down those thought and try to bury them away deep inside. I've thought about breaking up with my girlfriend to try to find a boyfriend but I couldn't do that because it would crush her and I'd be completely alone with no light in my life. Also if I broke up with her it would just be another fuck up to add to the list. To me its a stupid problem that I shouldn't worry about but it eating me from the inside because I've been suppressing my feelings for so long. I guess I'm just venting about my problems and I don't really expect anyone to have any advice for me. I've been feeling this way for for a few months now and I feel like I should just suppress my feelings of the issue until I forget about it all together. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm just at a lose
No, I wouldn't suggest suppressing your feelings, because they won't go away. Rather, have you thought of bringing up your feelings with your gf? Maybe gradually introducing it, you can work some of these feelings out. Not saying you have to break up with your gf, but just so you have someone you care for on your side.
I've thought about talking to her about it but recently one of our old friend got in touch with her in one of his dick moods and said a bunch of shit to her and ended it with "he probably doesn't even want to be with you because he's gay, he probably feels like he's trapped in a relation ship with you." And she is a really insecure with herself and feels like she doesn't deserve me and I feel like if I brought this up she would feel worse about it. Like I'd really love to let her in but I just feel like it would make things worse. With the point I'm at I feel as though I can't let even my friends in because I would just feel like I'm complaining to them about my stupid problems. Thus why I'm on here to try and get some advice to just feel better about myself. It makes me feel absolutely worthless and I'm trying my hardest not to start cutting again and I feel like braking down. Even this makes me feel like I'm just complaining...
Your in a situation that is not sustainable. You have your own curiosities that are unresolved and you percieve your girlfriend to be unable to support you if your honest with her. That's a no win situation and a good explination why you feel the way you do. The good news is, you recognize why, and you can now do something about it. By taking action, you will help yourself and I would suspect feel much better. What it seems to me you now need to do is to figure out when the right time is for you to be open with her and allow yourself the chance to explore and come to terms with your own curiosities. Have you gotten engage? You did not say so. Are you married? no, she is a girlfriend. Is your situation fixable? Absolutely! You know what the path is, it's your decision to embark on it. You hold the key to your happiness. Not your girlfriend, not your friend (and do not let what your friend say distract you from what you know you need to do).
I really appreciate advice but i feel as though if I take action and pursue guys I'll just end up being alone because I not very outgoing and I don't think anyone else would want me anyway. What I have now is probably the best I ever will have, and if I did find what I'm looking for in life I'd probably end up fucking it up anyway so I really don't see the point of it unfortunately. I just don't know, I really feel like I don't have that much fight in me anymore and to me there's really no point in trying to be happy when I'm so worthless..
