Since this doesn't fit..

I've written about this here before, I think...but I need to talk about it, because it's driving me nuts.

I deal with bipolar disorder, PTSD, agoraphobia, and a host of different things, due to a lifetime of abuse. I've been hospitalized, gone to counseling, been on meds, all that. I'm staying with my family right now because even though that's where all the problems I'm having originated, at least I still have a place to stay while I get help. We all get along, except that once in awhile, Mother Dearest likes to sit and talk about things, most likely for the company.

This normally wouldn't be a problem, because what's wrong with keeping someone company, engaging in seemingly innocent conversation, right? Well, for ME..it's not.

Anything can be a 'trigger' to me, anything at all can set me off, make me go off in a direction that I never meant to go, and I feel like I'm back where I was long ago. I feel angry, confused, vulnerable...I get lost in the conversation as it takes a path it wasn't intended for. I start feeling like I'm not safe. I don't think this necessarily has to do with my family, because I know they don't INTENTIONALLY want to hurt me. Mother Dearest is homophobic, but that topic only came up once since I came to stay there, and I think I wrote about that on this forum, too.

I'm slowly making the connections again with doctors and people I need to see, and hopefully soon I'll be in a better place. I guess I just want to maybe...hear from anyone that might be going through the same things....

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense here. I've lost time somewhere, and I was hoping by writing this out I'd feel less lost.

Thanks for reading this.

 

Thank you Blossom85! It's encouraging to hear from you. It helps to know that there are people who care. (*hug*)