So my dad and I got into a big argument. I told him that I didn't like arguing with him when he is so angry because I get physically afraid of him. It stems from him hitting me when I was 11 years old across the face, and pushing me to the ground and calling me a son of a bitch. He did that because I dropped a big box that was too big and too heavy for me and I should have been more of a man. He said that day I was acting like a pansy. He never told me that before until today, and boy did that hurt. I mean it really hurt. Am I a pansy because I am sensitive, not strong, and I don't like manly things?
The reasons why he said it are irrelevant; and you should try and not concern yourself with it. Clearly your father has some issues he needs to get his head around and he is taking it out on you.
You're not a pansy. It sounds like your dad just has some serious anger issues. I'm sorry he's taking that out on you.
Just like Usx and Crazy said, you have done nothing wrong here; nor are you any sort of pansy. Your father obviously has some personal issues to face.
yea, it's not your fault. don't always put the blame on yourself in situations like that. my dad also said things like that at one point and it is pretty damaging. your father has a lot of issues to work through and someone needs to help him with that. it might be even more deep rooted then you might think. i never got close to my father until i got out of college, then when we started talking, i began to understand a bit more of why he acted the way he did and it was somewhat of a generational difference, different location, and how he was bought up. mines a bit different but i can understand and relate what you're going through. i can only tell you to try to understand him, maybe he wants you to become a stronger person and don't mean any other things. a father's bond with his son is stronger then any relationship you have.
These guys are right. There's nothing wrong with the way you act. There was, however, something wrong with the way your dad acted if he hit a 11 year old in the face. You may love him and respect him, but I don't think you can trust his judgement on this one. I'm sorry you have to listen to that hurtful stuff, but try not to take it to heart because it just isn't true.
According to me, your father is an paternalistic asshole! You should tell him he's lucky you didn't call the police on him for abuse. He should take some anger management course or something. Only cowardly bullies do this to children (or other people physically weaker than them). It is totally unacceptable, no question. This really makes my blood boil, and I would probably give him a good taste of his own medicine if I was there.
My father and I don't get along too well, and part of it, has to do with his perceptions of the world, and with me. He didn't really pay attention to me, unless I was doing something he was interested in, like sports. If I did well, 'that was expected', and nothing else. I did well, because that is what you do. You get no special praise. If I failed at something, he'd often make some smart ass remark, or insist I 'do/get/try better'. He may as well called me 'a failure' or 'a pansy'. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. Your father, if he is a decent man, will prefer to have a relationship with his child, exactly as you are, instead of wanting the ideal offspring. In the meantime, just acknowledge what he says and does, and think to yourself why he says or does this. Then, tell yourself, this is all just reminders of what not to become, later on in life. You can be better. You are better.
He thinks you should have been physically stronger because that's what he thinks makes a man? Sorry, your dad has a high school mentality. That also goes for if you were to accidentally break something expensive and he lost his cool. He needs professional help and that isn't your responsibility. I would consider somehow gaining evidence and reporting him and/or moving out. You know the situation much better, and have to consider many possible consequences. Quite often, bullies can dish it out, but they can't take it on equal terms. Now, this isn't me saying you should attack him, rather, I'm telling you that you're much stronger than you might think. Taking it is much braver than dishing it out. It should never have happened in the first place, but it does disqualify you from being a pansy. It's perfectly fine if you aren't a macho guy! I'm not as secure with my masculinity as I want to be. I've done silly things to earn 'man points' to gain approval and admiration from my peers. And all I got was this lousy concussion LOL. I think it's more important to focus on being a decent person.
Just to let you know he hit me 17 years ago, and my mother took him to court for it. The fact is it wasn't until the other day that I fully realized why he did what he did, and realizing that to him I was a pansy growing up as a teenager. He never missed a baseball game when I played at the age of 7 to 11, and then out of 11 theatre performances he came to 1 when I started pursuing acting in high school.
As hard as it is to swallow, you need to remember that you don't live for your father's approval. He may have given you food and shelter, but that's not worth much without love and affection. Don't let him haunt your life. The past can't be changed. Talk to friends, a counselor, anyone, so that you can recognize what he said was out of his own internal pain. Besides, pansies are quite beautiful flowers, and their name comes from the root for "thought" (cf. "pensive").
You aren't a pansy, being more sensitive about certain things does not make you weak or a pansy. I am sorry your father has made you question yourself and who you are. No parent should treat their child this way and I agree with the others.. Especially resu's reply.. You don't owe him anything and you shouldn't let him haunt you and make you feel bad. Just trust your own instincts and lead the life you wanna live and be proud of who you are. (*hug*)
I feel your pain. My father for most of my life never spoke to me (if he did it was to put me down or tell me I'm not up to his standards and what a disappointment I was), was never there for me, never ever expressed any love for me. I don't necessarily hate him but I do not have any love for him (which I feel really horrible about).
are we talking about my father too?? because you know i get hit up until now for things like these even when i was as young as 7 like if i wear a bracelet he would be so mad that he would hit me saying that i'm acting like a girl and i should man up if i listen to music he also says the same thing he once broke my mp3 player and i admit they say that fathers should do that to make their male kids better men and real men and well i turned out to be a queen rather than a REAL MAN ! im sorry you have to go with all this im still going with this until now i feel for you if you ever need to talk about it im always here ^_#
Your father has no idea of what it is to be a man. His notions of manhood are part of a sick culture, unfortunately. No mature well-adjusted adult male would ever hit an 11 year-old child in the face for dropping a heavy box. This is not a man, he's a shadow-man, a man-child whose anger will do him in. You need to ask yourself why it hurt so much to be called a "pansy". You need to re-evaluate whatever it is that comes out of your father's mouth. If it hurt you, it's because you still value what he has to say. You need to ask yourself whether he still deserves that kind of respect.
