30 years old. Confused. Angry. Can't accept it. Still

You don't have to be alone, and you don't have to get over it, you just have to accept you for YOU. I tried to ignore it too, but I realized I couldn't ignore who I was, and I couldn't keep living my life the way everyone expected me to. I wasn't happy. Now that I've accepted myself, I expect others to accept me as well, and if they can't, well....I don't need them! :eusa_naug

I'm glad that you shared your feelings here! There are so many here that can relate, and are very supportive!

 

You are who you were meant to be.You KNOW who you are, and once you accept that, you will find peace. Your confusion and your anger are understandable, but please, love yourself as you are because you are worthy of it. Once you learn to love yourself, your anger and your confusion will dissipate.

Good luck to you!

 

Hi,

I can so relate to what you've mentioned.

But I'm gradually coming to terms with the way things stand.
I don't know if this helps, but this is what I did to feel a little better about myself.

I looked up for lesbian hangouts/bars around where I live.
I started meeting up with lesbians.
And trust me, it feels great doing this.

How would you feel when a hot chick (and a lesbian) starts talking to you, in fact asks you to meet up and mingle??!

That feeling, that excitement and exhilaration is something I just dont want to give up on.
The whole pressure you feel is because of parents and the societal trap that treats lgbt secondary. Please gather yourself, force yourself to be strong, grin and bear anything that comes your way(people poking fun calling you a lesbian).

Its just okay to be made fun of.
Have friends who're either gays or gay friendly.

Good luck

 

Oh I get you on this one I known for yrs I didn't like guys and like women and I'm 33 everyone in my town always called me a gay a lesbo I kept telling them there wrong and etc well all these years after that I'm open don't care what anyone thinks and from then to know I have 3 kids and a soon to be ex husband....it was him cheating on me 3 times made me accept it and now I have the best girlfriend every and I'm so glad I can accept it now....the hardest thing for me to accept it was my family was very well known high class family in a smaller town that everyone knew and I didn't want to ruin there rep. ..




Good luck

 

Such a relief to see posts like this because I feel the same way. Although I know that I'm attracted to guys, I just can't shake this feeling that I'm gross for it, or less of a man, or that my guy friends will be uncomfortable around me because they'll be thinking that I want to do them, and on and on. Even though I'm at a point where I think I might want to experiment with a guy, I keep imagining feeling like worthless, undisciplined, slutty, less than human scum afterwards. My God.....I have issues! I just realized this after writing this stuff....at any rate, you're not alone, and I hope we can both find a way to accept this aspect of ourselves. If you don't feel like loving yourself for right now, I send you my love in the meantime (*hug*)

 

I am glad that I read this posts. I am also in denial. I got married and have 3 kids. I am not happy with my relationship now and in the past. I messaged one of the admins and they shed some light on my very confusing life. I also reseached about LGBQT and it helped me a lot. I am in transition now. I am starting to wokout and build some muscles and cutting my hair really short to make it feel right. No body knows about my situation but my youngest sister, but I do not think she is taking it seriously. I feel so relieved. Right now I feel less angry and depressed. I am glad I found this site. I am free to talk about my gender. I would like to find bisexuals like me in our area but our country is homophobic. I am accepting who I am right now, and I am hoping that it will turn everything right.

 

Hi life,
I'm so sorry you feel so unsettled. Can you pinpoint what part of being gay upsets you so much? I think once you come to grips with it, you'll actually be ahead of the game. Your friends accept you, your parents will be fine and you're already getting hit on!

Maybe read some of the other stories here from women who didn't realize until later in life and actually find it fantastic. So, guess what? You get to be fantastic now!

Take a bit of time to not think about this, do something nice for yourself. And next time a girl chats you up, simply smile and let her do the talking for a bit while you calm yourself enough to respond with your normal lovely self.

 

I can also relate. I am 39, known I was a lesbian since I was a teenager, and am just now given up on ignoring it because it's becoming obvious that approach isn't working.

 

Ok. First off. You're not a loser. It's normal to feel you've wasted time not embracing this earlier but, you know what? It's just how life has unfolded for you. And many others here so you're not alone. You have no control over this but the stars are starting to align and things are looking up. Promise.

As for feeling out of your depth interacting with women while sober - I think that's the same for everyone, not just people who've used drink in the past.

How does it come up with your friends that you're uncomfortable with your sexuality? Do they ask you? I'm a big proponent of the silent smile. If you're uncomfortable, there's no need to share anything. When you're ready, you'll be ready. Practice your Mona Lisa smile.

 

Honestly, If you don't mind me saying this, I think you are beating yourself up about how you feel because of the negative stigma that straight people have attached homosexuality. We have all struggled with this stigma at some point. I'm still figuring myself out but I have accepted the possibility that I might not be straight, and I'm fine with that. Of course I wasn't at first. I wanted to push it down, ignore it, doing this only made me angry at the world. Until one day I sat down and thought to myself "why do I really hate what I 'am?". I had to ask this question because I have never had any personal predetermined notions that homosexuality is wrong. I realized my denial came from worrying about what people would think about me if they found out I was bisexual. Once I saw past that there was no reason for me to not be who I 'am. Sometimes you have to take up a "I don't give a fuck" attitude. If you can do that, you can begin to accept yourself for who you are.