OK, this is complicated, but I'll try to make it as short and concise as possible. My girlfriend broke up with me on Friday, although we have agreed to remain friends. A large part of the problem is that she lives in The Netherlands and I live in the US. We met through Facebook. The kicker is that I am 30 years older than she is (and I could easily pass for being 20 years younger than I am), and she knew this at the time we began a relationship. In fact, she is the one who pursued a relationship, while I was resistant because of the age difference. And no, she did not want me for monetary reasons because I am not wealthy. Our relationship began 15 months ago, and finally met in April when I visited her in The Netherlands for two weeks. Although I've always had feelings for women, she was my first Lesbian relationship. She is openly gay. The two weeks we spent together were magical, actually the best two weeks of my life. For the first time in my life, I made love with a woman. In fact, we had sex every day and sometimes twice a day. We were compatible in every way and had a wonderful time together. We both cried on the day I left, and we cried for several days whenever we talked on Face-Time after I returned home. She had been making plans to come visit me for two weeks next spring. I have noticed over the past month or so that she was running hot and cold. Sometimes she was her normally warm and friendly self whenever we talked, other times she was slightly chilly. Anyway, on Friday when we talked, she said that she no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me, but she considers me her best friends and wants us to have only that type of relationship. We talked (and cried) for two hours, and I agreed to let her go because I always knew that I wouldn't be able to keep this beautiful, young woman. Now here's the problem: It was Friday afternoon (Friday evening in The Netherlands) when we ended our romantic relationship. When she woke up Saturday morning, she called me to see if I was okay, and we had a two-hour Face-Time conversation, and we confirmed that we would always remain a part of each other's lives, that we were only ending our romantic relationship and not our friendship. Then, 12 hours later, she called me again, and we had a one-and-a-half hour conversation which was more like the conversation we were used to having, minus the romantic talk, and again confirmed that nothing could ever hurt our friendship, and she told me that she would always love me. Skip to today, Sunday, she messaged me checking to see if I was okay. I briefly explained that I was okay, and that was pretty much that conversation. My problem is that I am in pain over our relationship ending, and my plan was to not contact her for a couple weeks while I went through some healing, but she is not making it easy on me because she keeps contacting me. She is the one who wanted to end the relationship. I don't want to alienate her by ignoring, because I do want her to remain a part of my life. I guess the advice I am seeking is if I should eliminate contact between us for just a couple weeks, because talking to her and seeing her face on Face-Time hurts. I know the hurt will fade over time, but right now, it's raw. I know it will kill me to avoid her even for a couple of weeks, but this constant contact from her since the breakup is killing me, too. Any advice?
Okay, my story is elsewhere on this site so here's the Readers Digest version. So I had a relationship with a girl long-distancey. We did spend a weekend together and it was magical. Then a bit after that she ended it because of other things going on in her life, but said we would be friends. I thought about just not talking to her for a while, but she kept texting me and saying that she still loved me, she just couldn't be like that with me. It was a constant yo-yo of talking non-stop still, just without that added romantic part (most of the time). It was too hard. I sort of got angry that she was flip-flopping around on me a lot, and she cut off communication. I have to say, as hard as it was to do, I am doing so much better than I was 2 weeks ago when we stopped talking (we still work together 2-4 hours a week, but we just avoid one another). I realized I was looking forward to communicating with her too much. And after I tried to talk to her and she wouldn't I realized that She's the one who stopped the relationship, She's the one who didn't choose me. I know she loves me, but either not enough or she's not at a point where she can be my friend without being my lover. So I have to let it go and move forward. It is so so so so hard to not communicate, but I honestly think that it can be healing for both of you. And maybe bring some stuff into focus for her. I would recommend it. However, I would suggest telling her that you need to not talk for a while, don't just disappear. That's what happened to me, and I found that it has made this all the more painful and confusing. Whatever you choose to do, best of luck. We are all here for you, and you will get through the pain! This is such a great, supportive community. (*hug*)
I can imagine how you're feeling because my ex girlfriend broke up with me around this time last year. The feelings were mutual though, because neither of us were in the position to date due to various reasons. And honestly, I didn't have any objections when she broke up with me, but I still loved her and wanted to remain friends. Well, it's been almost a year since I've spoken to her and I still don't think I'm ready emotionally to be friends with her. I've managed to remain friends with only one of my ex girlfriends, which hasn't been easy at all. I just think that trying to remain friends right after a break up is a bit unrealistic. Someone is always going to wish or hope that the person who ended the relationship is going to change their mind. Especially, if you continue the relationship like nothing has happened. So, for you, I think you should be able to take as much time and space you need in order to move on. You don't have to ignore her, just tell her that you need space. She should respect your feelings and give you as much time as you need.
