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Crush advice

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Crushboy, Oct 27, 2014.

  1. Crushboy

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    Hey,
    I'm just looking for some guidance here. There's this guy at my university that I'm interested in and I think he's taken notice to me but we are 100% strangers. I want to know if he is gay but it is impossible to tell. He has a girlfriend, and guy friends, but he seems to be around other girls a lot. He dresses nicely and has a metro fashion but that seems normal as he is Latino. He is super into hockey (Latino into hockey weird I know). But we have met eye contact more than once. The first time was a solid 3 seconds staring at eachother. Next time he went out of his way by turning his head to look at me. There were a couple times where we shared a 2 second glance. And once we glanced at me, turned away and the stared back for a second. He is always breaking eye contact though. I also try to frequent the places that we made eye contact at those specific times but he is never there again.
    To be honest I know it's just as impossible for you guys to tell me whether he is gay or not, but maybe you had similar experiences?
    Also I really just want to find a way to talk to him without being totally weird and creepy.

    Thanks :confused:
     
  2. Mirko

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    Hi there! Welcome to Empty Closets! :slight_smile:

    Knowing that he has a girlfriend, I'd suggest to tread carefully. If I were you, I would try not to get my hopes up because the chances are that they will remain unfulfilled. In essence, you already have the answer to your question.

    Is it hard to let go and not think about it? Yes it is. Having a crush on someone and letting go of it is never easy as there are moments where it feels good, and it keeps up the hope that the other person might just feel the same way.

    If you still wanted to try to start up a conversation with him, maybe try walking past him the next time you see him, and try saying 'hi', and see what he says.

    Hope you don't mind me asking. Are you out?
     
  3. Crushboy

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    No I'm not out. I also have a girlfriend. I wouldn't mind just being friends with him. I don't want to out him, or have to come out myself. Id rather be secret lovers haha
     
  4. OnTheHighway

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    The approach suggested by Mirko seems appropriate for your situation. simply start with a hello, how are you. And take it from there. If he is posing the same questions in his head as you are, then my guess is he would reciprocate accordingly.

    And if he does not, then no harm no foul.
     
  5. Crushboy

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    You're probably right. But the only way he would react well is if he had the same feelings. If he is more uncomfortable he might not react well. So I'm trying to find a way to become friends first, without suggesting I want the D.
     
  6. resu

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    Maybe you should first tell your girlfriend you're gay... Personally, if I see a guy with a girlfriend, I take it as a committed relationship that I should not pursue no matter how much I believe in his homosexual attractions because it will be a messy situation.
     
  7. Crushboy

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    Has anyone had experience with eye contact like this?
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    When we have a crush on someone it's very easy to make a lot of the small signs (like the momentary glances) and miss the much bigger signs which could tell us that we are really wide of the mark. I'm not saying any of this to be dismissive of your feelings, but are you able to take a step back to look at the situation more broadly?

    If there is a way of striking up a conversation and getting to know him better as a person that would be helpful in giving you some definitive answers. It would also help you to see how he is as a person. As things stand, you only have appearance to go on and that's not really much at all. What are his values? What does he stand for as a person? Is he a positive or negative individual? All of these things are important too and count a lot towards real attractiveness.

    Try to stay grounded and keep your feelings in check unless, or until, you are in a position to gain a greater insight.