So I think I've finally gotten to the root of my problem. The problem which is knowing I'm a lesbian, but not being accepting of myself. To the extent that I still doubt my attractions. Here goes: In the 5th grade (10 years ago) I was bullied by two kids. A girl, X, and a boy, Y. X and Y bullied me for being the quiet kid, but it stopped quickly because the teachers intervened when my mom told them. But X and Y then found a new target. A boy, lets call him Ishmael. They called Ishmael gay, and told him to, "go back to San Francisco". This went on for quite some time and to my knowledge the teachers didn't intervene. At the time I wanted to speak up (and I wish I had) in response and say, "then at least he'd be away from you," but i didn't. I feared being bullied again. I think that instance of bullying has effected me more than the bullying directed at me. Strange, I know, but somewhere in my mind it became engrained that being gay is a negative. Something that you will be teased for. Something that is looked down on. So my question is how do you heal these kinds of wounds? Time? Reflection? Self-love? I think a major step forward was acknowledging that they caused me issues. Then understanding how fundamentally wrong it was to use the word gay, a word that describes a form of love, to belittle someone. How wrong it is that people think being called gay is something negative in and of itself. And the fact that these bullies were taught that there is something wrong with being gay. Anyways that's all I have for now. I hope everyone on here has been doing alright, I haven't been on as much lately because of school, but I send my best to everyone (*hug*)
as someone who has had more than their fair share of bullying directed at them, I can tell you, that being quiet about yourself will only make you feel worse. Yea it can be hard to accept, I still struggle Big time. idk exactly what you're going through, but it will feel much better if you can acknowledge yourself, then tell the people who love you. I never really did that, and in turn, Im all messed up. regardless of what you are, there will always be assholes who will take their problems out on you, doesn't matter if your gay, weird, different or just breathing, there will always be assholes; you can either play into their game or ignore them. I'd recomend ignoring them, I'm facing jail time for assault because i struck back, thus, playing into their game. Idk what exactly to say other than stay strong and try your hardest to love yourself.
