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How do you get rid of toxic regrets?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by WhisperLoom, Oct 31, 2014.

  1. WhisperLoom

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    They poison me bad.

    I used to live by a mantra of no regrets. But I found that I was emotionally detached from the world, and though happy, it scared me.

    Now I have so many regrets I feel like I'm drowning. They bubble to the surface, sometimes when I least expect it. They cause me to jerk, or cringe, or let out a wimpy audible moan. They are the things I may have done to maybe drive old fiends away, the mean words and actions done, the gossip I believe to be out there about me, the bad nights with alcohol, too many problems to count :-(
     
  2. BaconMonster

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    Sit down and meditate, proper meditation requires that you clear your mind while trying not to focus on fleeting thoughts. It takes practice but its worth it trust me. Time will also heal all wounds. You must eventually come to the conclusion that the past is the past and theres nothing you can do now except to focus on the future and learn from your mistakes. You'll be alright.
     
  3. WhisperLoom

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    Thanks for the reply! I know the past is done, and have to move on, my heart and brain never follow that advice. Unfortunately some of my wounds are old...like 10-12 years. They really have no or little bearing on my life, and neither do some of the people anymore. But for some reason my mind will not let go of them.
     
  4. BaconMonster

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    No problemo
    I know what you mean, sometimes i have trouble letting go of my past. Meditating helps me let go of things, and i really need to start meditating again (i've been slacking).
     
  5. paisleydaisy

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    I have some really old regrets too, and I use them as a reason not to judge other people. I am not the same person I was back then; I am more mature and thoughtful. I can make something positive out of my regrets whenever they turn up and say hey, I suck as much as everyone else, so I won't hold a grudge against other people, nor me. I can also be happy that I am no longer the type of person who does those things: pat myself on the back for growing up. Yep, I just seem to keep getting better with time lol.
     
  6. Notlad

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    I've learned that sometimes, if you feel regrets towards how you acted towards someone, it's best to apologize. It really does help.
     
  7. one and only

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    I know exactly how you feel, as I read your post it was like you had put my thoughts into words. What I do is remind myself that the past is behind me and it does not define me as a person. It has however helped mold me into the person that I am today. I also take all those lessons that I've learned the hard way and apply them to situations I face today. I drove away some good people in my life and I know now what not to do with future friendships and relationships. As far as the gossip I know that that can suck what I do is if the person who is putting my name in there mouth is irrelevant to me then it does not matter what they have to say. Im not going to give them the satisfaction of having a reaction form me. If it is someone I care about then I address the issue but try to remain calm at the same time. I don't like feeding into people negativity and they wont get a reaction from me that can justify what they have to say. Sometimes my anger gets the best of me and that's when I walk away.

    What I've been focusing on lately is trying to figure out why all the regrets have been bubbling up to the surface. It is not an easy process. I find that talking to someone has helped. Alcohol can be a little two-face that is what I've learned. I have had many good times drinking and then there are the times when I should have never took that shot or had that extra beer. I had to learn to recognize my moods and I learned that if I was happy then I was going to be a happy drunk person. If I was down or angry or had something on my mind then I was going to be a drunk person that reflected what ever my mood had been. So after many nights of regrets I've learned when to drink and when not to.

    I hope things get better for you. If you ever need to talk I'm here.
     
  8. WhisperLoom

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    Thanks for the responses everyone.

    Ive given my share of apologies before, I know they are critical. But there are things I really wish I'd apologized for and never did. And I feel like a coward for it. Terrible nights drinking, rude things said, friends driven away.They mostly happened during college, when I was somewhat out of control, apathetic, and emotionally unstable. Those emotions were usually kept in check until a bad moment, usually under the influence, unleashed a torrent of tears or anger or depressive angst. I look back on these many instances with dread and embarrassment; I look back on that person as both a monster and a child.

    The thing that really bothers me is friends lost. Sometimes I don't know if they just drifted away, as people do in college, or whether I drove them away and they maybe want nothng to do with me, besides casual acquaintance on fb, etc. I feel like I've had evidence that they dont particularly like me. Maybe they think I'm a liability, or an embarrassment. Or maybe it's all in my head. If the latter, contacting them out of the blue to apologize would be extremely embarassing. But their silence in my life also hurts my feelings.

    The relationship I destroyed hurts the most. It's something I may regret forever. In one bad night I told her I didn't love her anymore. In the hest of a fight I tolf her that. I swear I could hear her heart break. Its sickening to think about. We went on a break and never got back together. She wouldnt talk to me. Shesaidshe needed time and space, that she'd talk to me when ready. I respected her wishes. That day never came. That was years ago and I still stress about it.

    I am ready to move forward, but is that possible without adddressing these regrets? I know I'm a better person.But would a better person really not apologize, just bc the people are out of his life now? Is it really possible to just move on?
     
  9. Celatus

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    Whoah that must have taken you a while to write. The best advice I can give is to try to let things go. I went through a very bad period of time where I obsessed over my mistakes to the point of mental illness. Trust me its not worth the emotional pain.
     
  10. BoiGeorge

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    I find that keeping myself busy and distracted from my thoughts and past helps me to cope. You can't change the past, but you can choose to dwell on it or not.