Hi, I'm having an issue and I'm not sure what to do about it. I find myself unbelievably ugly in almost all aspects and it's causing troubles. I can't focus on much without thinking about how nasty I am and how much I hate my appearance. I would tell myself that "looks don't matter", but in my opinion they do play a role in your life and I feel unbelievably disadvantaged. I haven't got the nicest body, my face is ugly and I'm a short guy. So many gay guys are really concerned with looks (even I am to a certain degree), and I feel like I'll never be good enough and even if someone does want to date me I always pity them because of how much better they can do. Other people tell me I'm hot and cute and stuff but I feel like it's pity compliments and I don't know what to do. I plan on getting cosmetic surgery on my face once I get the money for it, but I don't know what to do until then.
Being unusual in appearance myself, I think I have the right to talk straight here. Yes, looks do matter to some extent. I mean, there are limits to what any of us find attractive. But there's the key point: WHO DECIDES WHAT IS 'ATTRACTIVE'? Guess what, it's THE PERSON DOING THE LOOKING. Now, there are three broad groups. Some folks will find you attractive, some will find you 'ugly', and the majority really won't care one way or the other. I think this applies to EVERYONE. When it comes to other people, you don't get to decide how they perceive you. They do. That's why, if some folks DO actually find you appealing, you ought not shoot yourself down by dismissing and disbelieving it. Even if you don't like your looks, there are always some others who will. Who are you to tell them their perception is wrong? So if someone expresses interest in you, and if you like them back, for god's sake give them a go. Don't indulge your self-hate to the extent where even the opportunities that do arise, you deny yourself. I've been there myself. In fact I still struggle every day with having an unusual appearance which some folks like, quite a few more seem to dislike, and most don't care one way or the other. It's tough, but heck what are you going to do? Is it nice living in self-hate? What exactly have you done to deserve hating for? You can't help the way you look. A while back I realized that yes I'm unusual in appearance, but you know what, I'm not that bloody bad and there are some cute aspects to my appearance, and I'm going to take my own side and stop putting myself down all of the time. When I look in the mirror now, yes I can see the 'flaw' in my appearance, but I make a point of focussing more on the aspects I do like - I even make a point of complimenting myself. Why? Because between now and the day I finally die, I will suffer much less if I can let go of self-hatred. And honestly, we tend to be very biased judges when it comes to ourselves, never thinking we are 'good enough.' Seeing the worst rather than the best. You have to train yourself to see your good points, because your acquired habit is to do just the opposite. Pah enough words from me. Hope something in this helped. Or if it was totally useless, let me know also, so I can stop wasting my breath saying these things to people. Andy. '
