"My psychologist is an idiot, and other stuff" - rant.

I'll try to be as short as possible.

Basically, i went to my psychologist yesterday to discuss some stuff that was bothering me and it just so happened that i arrived 15 minutes earlier. I rang the doorbell and he came out, looking at me as if saying "who are you, what do you want". Then he told me to take a walk as he was on his break.

Anyway, disregarding this, i came back later, and we started.

Explaining my "online social life" to him was somewhat challenging but in the end i think he understood what was happening. Basically, according to him, having a breakdown in the middle of a trip and randomly deciding to "screw everything" and go home, is something normal. This, bundled with the constant statements that "oh it gets better, just don't think about it, think about something else", made me realize something that i should have realized sooner.

This person is of no use to me... I know what the problem is, i know how to deal with it, i am just making the conscious decision to allow my heart to tear itself apart, rather than to just "forget"... I don't want to forget!

Being able to see how your psychologist's brain works, is something that pretty much makes the whole experience obsolete.

I've decided to give him one last chance (without actually telling him any of this). If nothing changes i'm just going to give up on the whole idea of seeking professional help.



On a side note, i haven't been able to sleep/eat much as of late, for whatever reason. Also i find myself not wanting to do anything, like... can't even sit and enjoy my favorite tv shows/anime. Trying to distract myself in a somewhat questionable way, also doesn't help... I just, don't know what to do anymore.

On the good side of things, i think that the whole "taking 5-Hydroxytryptophan" thing, is finally having a somewhat positive effect.

Now, if i only knew how to deal with this sense of dread i've been having for the past several days...

 

Thanks for the reply, to be honest i wasn't really expecting one.

I may have oversimplified what he told me, just a little bit. He basically told me that i need to focus on other aspects, and stop thinking about the negative sides to what is happening in my life. And i basically told him that what was bothering me now, was more important than anything else i could be concentrating on at this point in time.

Thing is, this guy is supposedly "the best", that my city has to offer. I mean, i can hardly book an hour, so that alone should speak as to how good he is. Maybe it's my expectations that were too high, expecting that if i talk to him, he might tell me what i can do to fix things. Originally i went to him about my social anxiety problem, which by now i consider mostly resolved. The other stuff i talked with him about, kind of "appeared" after that.

Our conversations basically revolve around me telling him my problems and he then asking me, "why do you think that is" or "why does it bother you". I know what he is trying to do, by asking me this, and it's exactly what i find problematic. Because i know what he expects me to say, and i feel stupid when what i do in fact wish to say is the same thing that he wants me to say because in some weird unconscious level i think of this being "me falling for a trick". Sometimes i think i'm too honest and direct for my own good.

At this point in time, the only benefit i see with visiting him, is to actually have a "blank canvas" at which i can throw all my problems at, and see what sticks. Sure, i can do this with my friends, or here on EC, but after a certain point it becomes too much and then people start hating you for always nagging them with your problems.

As for bad experiences... I've found more help from talking to people here on EC, than i ever did with this person. It's not like my expectations are unreal, are they? Considering this guy is supposed to be a professional.