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How to deal with intense shame (going through a crisis)

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Anongirl123, Nov 5, 2014.

  1. Anongirl123

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    I'm having such a hard time right now. Everything about my life and who I am brings me intense shame. I'm an 18 year old girl, most likely gay. I come from an extremely educated family, and when I started out in middle school, I was on such a "fast track" to success. Now, at 18...

    - I can't drive
    - I've never had a job, even babysitting
    - I've never been in a relationship
    - I don't have many friends
    - I take 'easy' classes

    I live in a town where everyone seems to drive and have a job. I'm the only one of my friends who doesn't, and people treat me like such a baby and make me feel so guilty and lazy. Part of the reason for these things is because I'm extremely shy, part of it is because I'm afraid of being on the road, and a part of it is being in this lethargic slump. I've just been in such a massive rut. I used to take the hardest classes, and now I have barely any motivation to do my homework. Even attending school is a struggle.

    Being (potentially, but most likely) gay has caused me more anxiety and depression than I could have ever anticipated, so much so that I lash out at my family for things like "you don't help me with college" or "you've never helped me with learning to drive", when it's not really that at all - its that I'm angry at them for some homophobic things they've said in the past (especially my dad), even though I can't blame them because they don't know about me. I feel so alone, and I have no one to talk to. On the outside, I usually look completely numb, but on the inside I cycle through bouts of extreme depression and self-hatred, mixed with periods of being downright angry and cynical. I feel like I've failed every expectation set out for me. I know I could be taking harder classes, and I know I'm not tapping into my potential with school: it's just that I despise that place so much, it makes me want to cry. I know that wasting my "high school experience", never having a job, and not driving is all my fault when it really boils down to it.

    Everyday now, I feel like I'm on the verge of tears at any minute. I don't like spending time with friends because they only make me feel bad about myself. I'm cut off from my parents. I desperately want to move out, but I have zero experience with working a part time job and I can't drive (and we own no spare car).

    Thank you if you managed to read my rant. This has been so difficult, and I just want to give up everything and run away. I feel like this forum is the only place I can actually express how I feel, as pathetic as that sounds. Does anyone have any advice? I need to find a way to get through this.
     
  2. Notlad

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    Who cares whether you're not going to a "real" university? You're going on to receive further education, many people aren't so fortunate or choose not to. If people choose to make fun of you for that, or even not being as competitive in classes, or even not having a driver's license, they are very shallow and you don't need to hear it from them.

    I'm sorry about your illness. I hope you get you begin to feel better!

    As for the family relations, come out when you're ready, and try your hardest to be understanding with your parents. I'm sure they have tried there hardest to get you the experience you need despite how it seems.
     
  3. ithinkiamgay

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Some people
    Hi there

    I really dunno how I could pull you outta this, wish I could.

    There is a way out, but you'd have to be consistently at it and not get bogged down as you dont see results soon enough.

    1. Get into some kind of physical activity, it'll reduce your stress.
    2. Start mingling with people you're uncomfortable to talk to.
    Be prepared with a thought that you might get laughed at and made fun of.
    IT's OKAY TO FAIL AND BE MADE FUN OFF.
    Really is!
    You still have to continue meeting such people.

    3. Jot down the most important things your scared/feel uncomfortable about.
    These shouldn't include minute things like driving and stuff.
    Write major life changing things like lack of confidence in meeting people, lack of reasons to feel cheerful about, feeling idle, etc.

    4. Now, you do exactly what you're scared off.
    See I know its easier said than done.
    But lets face it.
    Could it get any worse than it already is? I believe no.

    Just continue studying wherever you're studying at right now, its fine for now.
    Forget the driving and other such traits that you miss for now.

    The point is, work on your mental strength first.
    Driving and other such outer attributes can be built in a matter of a month.

    And its never, never ever too late to start.
    Your just an 18!

    When I was 18, I was put in a boarding school for kids who're disobedient.
    I've faced the kind of complex that you mention too.
    Today, I don't find myself any different from people who've had regular childhoods except for a few things here and there. Its not life altering.

    Okay?
     
  4. Emily1

    Regular Member

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    I think you should look at your situation this way: people don't seem to have high expectations of you so whatever progress you do make will definitely be recognized. I also think that you should take the focus off of what others think of you and concentrate on what makes you happy. Speaking from experience, discovery of sexuality can be extremely preoccupying and emotionally draining, especially when you're upset for being the way that you are. I believe that once you accept yourself as being gay, confidence and success will follow. Having said that, you won't come to love yourself overnight. I personally have taken comfort in reading other peoples' posts. I can relate to some people and I feel less alone. Perhaps you will have some hope if you do the same. Wish you the best of luck