Hi, I'm a 24 yr old female, bi but in general prefer women. My problem, which is just that a massive problem for me is that I'm crushing (hard) on a female colleague at work. I've been working at this place for nearly 2 years now and have always got on well with her. She was always very easy to talk to, similar interests & humour but I only ever saw her as a friend at work really. Roughly about 6 months ago I noticed my feelings start to change. I looked forward to going to work more because I would see her, I went out of my way to talk to her on fb and texting, she started giving me lifts after work and I noticed I was becoming physically attracted to her - she couldn't be more different from my usual type, so was a little confusing. Anyway problem is she's straight AND has a boyfriend I understand those 2 parameters themselves kind of scream 'move on and get over it' which I was prepared to and was beginning to do. I knew it would pass in time and we could just carry on as just friends, no harm done. Only... She started doing weird stuff that I didn't expect. Examples of this are going out of her way to give me a lift somewhere, 'jokey' hugging me, asking me to go on nights out with her when we've never hanged out after work, snapchatting me all the time (once even sending me a pic of her cleavage! and when I called her out on it in front of others as a joke she said I wanted more but only loud enough for me to hear) I started to notice other changes in her behaviour like when I confided in her that I didn't like this guy at work she all of a sudden flirted with him (when before she barely spoke to him) and was always way over the top with it. She is a very flirty and tactile person naturally so I tried to just put it down to that and let it bother me. THEN one day when I was joking with her she actually said to me "oh my god you're a lesbian, oh my god you fancy me" I was so not expecting her to call me out like that I just pulled a face to which she said "I'm only joking" UGH! More recently we had a kind of disagreement at work and she unfriended me off Facebook and has since moved from sitting opposite me. Though a bit of an over the top reaction I looked at the positives in it maybe she was doing me a favour by creating that distance I need. I can just get over it now. I was doing fine for a few weeks we got along better like we used to and I was seeing us as just friends again and found myself much more focused and happier at work in general. Only recently she has started acting strange again. I keep catching her looking at me across the room, it's quite intense eye contact several times a day and I just react with a smile or ask if she's ok (because I don't know what else to do?!) She's also started joking I fancy the new guy sat opposite me and jumps in our conversations all the time demanding attention. The worst thing recently is she has literally pinched/slapped my arse each day - I don't even know how to react to that?! I was shocked the first time but put it down to her being playful then again I was like ok what the hell? Third time I just said how did I know you were going to do that which she just mocked my voice but seriously... Am I still looking too much into this? I can't stop thinking about her and it's doing my head in so much that I've come here asking advice from complete strangers. I think the main thing I'm looking for is reassurance I'm not being a total weirdo in thinking she may be playing mind games. It's not like she doesn't go on about her boyfriend, she does... A lot. I mean they've just moved in together and he sounds like a really decent guy. I just can't help but thinking there is something between us, she keeps giving me reasons to carry on thinking this way. I don't know what to do, I've even started looking at new jobs because it's taking such a toll having such strong feelings for someone I don't think I have any chance with. I just don't understand her actions... Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated!!!
Well as you describe it you would like to keep her as a friend... you might tell her that her advances are inappropriate as long as she is in a partnership... and make you uncomfortable...
I really am not trying to be insensitive or anything... do you think a threesome would ever be considered and she or you just need a little push in that direction?
