I need to talk to someone, but it always feels like whomever I try to talk is trying to edge me in the direction of someone else or only has a limited amount of time to talk. If I talk on Trevor Chat they encourage me to reach out to people in real life (which is good advice.) So then I reach out to a counselor and they listen, but then tell me to reach out to my friends and QSA. And then when I reach out to my friends they tell me to reach out to a counselor or other friends who might understand better. So I'm stuck in this loop of people wanting to help me, but the loop isn't ending, and I just want it to end. I'm tired and I just want to find the friend who no longer tells me they aren't enough and just lets me cry on their shoulder. I appreciate that they want to provide me with better resources, but because everyone keeps directing me elsewhere it feels like I don't belong anywhere, and its starting to become so very isolating. . .:help:
I feel you on that. When I have troubles and want to tell people I too sometimes get the same feeling you do.
Thank you so much for your response. It really means a lot to me when I get support here on EC. (*hug*) And yes, it is overwhelmingly isolating at times. I have two close friends who I would be comfortable talking to, but I have feelings for my best female friend who is straight, so I have to put boundaries on that relationship. And my best guy friend is always busy with work and only ever has a limited amount of time to talk (20 minutes, max). I've talked to him a bit, but whenever I do I get the feeling he's pressed for time and has to do something else. He gives me advice to try to make it better, which I know shows he cares and wants to help, but I don't want a fix. I just want a friend. I feel like I don't have anywhere I belong, and I feel so alone. I know this isn't true, its just what I feel . . . (but, contrary to what I just said . . . lol I know I'm a bit hypocritical here. . ., I'd be happy to hear advice/ encouragement from people on EC as to ways to reach out to my friends in real life.)
Hi there! If you find that you need to distance yourself from one of your friends, because you have feelings for her, and your other friend seems to be quite busy all the time, have you tried building some nee friendships, or broaden your circle of friends? If I understood you correctly, you are part of a LGBTQ support group(?). If so, what are your friendships like with some of the other members? What are some of the things that you try to get off your chest when you speak with friends?
I'm actually not, the QSA doesn't really meet at my school. I've tried to contact them multiple times, but to no avail. However, a person on my floor is LGBT+ and I've talked with him and another friend a bit too. It has helped some. . . Its just painful when you can't talk to/ find the support you need in your best friends. . . And thanks for your response Mirko, I really appreciate it (*hug*)
Does the group have a website, or some information online, that would indicate when and where they meet? It is understandable that you are feeling this way, especially if you have the feeling that you can't talk to your friends. I do wonder a bit, what kind of support are you looking for? What do you feel you need from the friendships? (*hug*)
I'm surprised a counselor tried to steer you towards someone else, they of all people should know that friends aren't always the best outlet. I get why you don't want to talk to your crush (especially if it's about her.) That your guy friend tries to find a fix is only natural. Some people (not going to make any gender generalisations here) do that because they believe that's the way to be helpful. It's just something to know and accept about that particular friend. I'd tell you to maybe try and find some more friends, join a group or something, but it would be a little hypocritical for me to tell you that since I don't have anyone IRL except for my husband that I'd feel comfortable talking to about problems. Thank goodness for Internet forums.
Thanks DragonHerz and thanks again Mirko (*hug*) My university's QSA does have a FB group that I could join, but I don't know if I'm ready to have my sexuality/queerness public. Its a private group, but anyone can see the members. . . The counselor I talked to back in March tried to point me in the direction of the QSA and encouraged me to come out to my friends. . . I managed to come out to my best friend friend, but I was in no way ready to join the QSA. I signed up at our club fair in september, but never received an email, so then I went to the office to find out times, but they didn't know. . . Upon leaving the emotionally draining environment that I was in this summer and returning to school I have slipped into what is likely a form of depression. I made another counseling appointment recently, it took me a while to find the strength to call and make an appointment, but I finally did. But it is scheduled for December 5. The counseling at my University is always very busy, and can only offer appointments every 2 or 3 weeks. As for the support I'm looking for in a friend, I simply need a shoulder to cry on. Thats it. Really. I know I'm the one mostly at fault in this case because I have such a difficult time crying around people. (and more often than not when I try to explain I end up just getting frustrated or making the light of my problem. . . neither are healthy reactions, I know, its just my avoidant personality) But I'm tired of hiding behind a forced smile. I'm tired of my friends thinking I'm okay (although my best guy friend knows I'm struggling, I've told him). And I'm tired of retreating to my room, closing the door, and falling to me knees and crying alone. I just need a hug. Its really that simple. A hug, a shoulder, and someone to listen. And the last is negotiable, its the first two that I really need.
If the facebook group is too public for you at this point, it is okay not to join it. To which office did you go to, to inquire? Did you go to the group's office? You have already done the hard part: you have reached out, and asked for help. That's already something to pad yourself on your shoulder for. What I would suggest is that you try scheduling a couple of appointments in a row after your appointment with the counsellor so that you might not need to wait so long to see him or her. When there are times where you feel you just need a hug, or need someone just to listen, it is okay to ask for it - and it seems that you have done that. When you explain your thoughts or the issues you are trying to deal with, perhaps try not to become frustrated or even angry, because a friend listening to you, or trying to help you, will take the cues from you. (*hug*)
I went to the student diversity center, and I emailed them. But I'm not going to try and push it. Theres only about a month left in the semester, then I'm going abroad to europe for the spring. Thanks yeah, I'll try and see if a few appointments soon after the first is possible. I know my health center is very busy, but it would be nice to get in a few times before I go to France and don't have access to those resources abroad. I'm okay at asking for my friends to listen, but I'm extremely awkward when it comes to physical affection or crying in front of people. My friend was actually trying to teach how to give better hugs a few weeks ago. I know things aren't nearly as bad as I think they are and I know a big part of it is the depression clouding my perception of reality, but I think part of it too is just healing my emotional wounds from this summer. And thats going to take time. It wasn't until I came out to my best female friend in early september that I realized that my mother's reactions this summer weren't okay. I originally thought I was over reacting and as a result I over-extended myself in trying to educate her on LGBT+ things while simultaneously brushing off bigoted comments and being unable to talk to friends. Thanks again Mirko for responding (*hug*)
