So.. my birthday is tomorrow.. and I dont want it to happen.

I'm sorry bout your brother....I can't even begin to comprehend how that must feel. You've prolly heard this one but I'ma say it anyways. He'd want you to be happy. I'll bet he's thrilled you have somebody special in your life now. You're brother will always be part of you and would wish you to have a better life than he did.

Does your boyfriend know bout your brother? About the pain your birthday causes? Maybe he'd go with you to visit the grave? Let him do something for your birthday, but maybe nothing crazy or with other people.

 

why is there much sad stuff here T_T i feel truely bad for your brother though

 

so sorry you have to go through so much pain, and on your birthday too just remember that (just as natwheeled said) your brother would want you to be happy and I'm sure he is super proud of the person you are today. don't get discouraged, keep living each day the best you can and fill your life with people who make you smile. you seem like a wonderful and deep, good hearted person, I'm sure your brother agrees. spend your special day (sad memories and all) with the person you love and know that you can get through this

 

I just want to say, it is truly awful what happened to your brother, and no-one deserves to go through that. Obviously it is entirely up to you what you do, but I think birthdays should be celebrated, and even though something awful has happened, it doesn't mean you can't have a little fun on your day. I'm sure your brother wants it that way, I would want my loved ones to be able to live happy lives if I ever went, and I'm sure your brother does too!

I couldn't even begin to think how hard it is for you, just know, we are all here for you, and so are your loved ones, especially your boyfriend. I hope you feel okay and have fun tomorrow. <3

 

Your boyfriend sounds amazing, and understanding. I know its cliche to say "your brother wants you to be happy" but its true. Of course you can't flip a switch and be instantly happy, if only it were that easy right? But you've got an understanding boyfriend willing to help you get there. Let him do something for your birthday. You don't have to be instantly happy n jolly, I don't think he expects that....but Lil by Lil one year at a time, you'll get there.

 

Dear Jessie

It is perfectly normal to grief, do not avoid it, do not force yourself to act and feel, how others expect you to. Your birthday should be a reminder, of all the good times you have spent with your brother, a reminder of his memory, of who he was to you.

You should ask Daimeon, to take you away, from all the people from all the pressure. To take you to the one place where you can be alone with your thoughts. You are not being selfish, and even if you were, a birthday, is the one day a person is allowed to be selfish.

Happy birthday!

~Shinji

 

Hey Jessie,

I know that it'll be painful for you on this day, but even if this day is your brother's, it's your day as well. And even though you don't believe it, you definitely deserve it.

You are not selfish for feeling this way. It's completely understandable, but your birthday and what happened with your brother - they are completely unrelated, other than the fact they occurred on the same day. And it's definitely and most certainly not your fault.

You said yourself that your brother wouldn't want you to be sad, yet, I understand - it's difficult to move on. Extremely difficult. But it's far from impossible.

I'm not saying you should try to move on instantly. That is impossible. But you can start. You can take tiny, tiny little steps until you feel confident enough to keep going - and then you will move on.

The first step? Celebrate your birthday.

It doesn't have to be a fantastic, elaborate party. Even if you accept a little gift from your boyfriend or get yourself a cake, that's definitely something.

Remember your brother. But remember yourself as well.

You can try to celebrate before visiting him, and then you can tell him about it. It's not selfish at all. I'm sure he won't mind at all. And it might give you a little something to talk about.

(*hug*)

I hope everything goes well.

 

Have you ever seen a therapist for your survivors guilt?

You are not being selfish, you aren't ready for that day to be about you.

So, maybe tell your BF, I'm not ready. You've got work to do to get in a better place in your head and heart.

You can't force yourself to just get over it, you wouldn't feel genuine

 

belated wishes Jessie!!