My name is Oli but I couldn't be bothered finding a name that wasn't lame or taken so here I am as 54754. Anywho, for the past year or so I have been questioning my sexuality. I have always thought of myself as straight but I know I ain't now. The thing I need help determining is whether I a just gay or bisexual. My view on the world has always been black and white. Your either something of your not, so it's scary to me that things may not be as simple as that. I know that determine your sexuality can be an extremely rough ride in this day and age with all the bigots around. (Makes me want to build a time machine and venture into the future wherein being gay or bi will be hopefully be accepted as 'normal'. I hate that word) but that's not the only thing I'm dealing with at the moment; My families doing it tough in the money department, I have a debilitating chronic illness, I don't have a true friend who I can talk to about all this. I feel like I'm constantly battling all of these things at once and on top of that I attend a school where being gay or bi is like being a walking punching bag. My parent don't like the idea of being gay or bi and I can't talk to them about anything because I don't trust them enough AND, on top of all that for the first time in my life I cut myself last night. I was just sick of everything and thought it might help me release stress. I absolutely hate my life. Please help me, I don't know what to do. P.S I apologise for spelling mistakes, my phones keyboard is tiny.
Sounds like you got a lot going on. Lets start at the beginning. No one will really be able to tell you if you are gay or bi. It all depends on what attracts you. If you're afraid to classify yourself at the moment then don't. You've got plenty of time to find out. I am sorry to hear that you have a chronic illness. Stress over finances can always put an undue strain on those around you. I've never cut myself and won't pass judgment on you, just make sure that you are not feeling suicidal. Continue to talk, it might help to alleviate some of the stress.
Thanks for replying Kaiken. I guess it was naive of me to expect a clear way to determine whether I'm bi or gay. Yet another example of my black/white mindset. With harming myself I judge myself. Right now I'm looked at my arm thinking 'What the f did I do'. The worst thing though is I wouldn't take it back, it did help me feel better if only for a short time. I fear that my parents will seethe cuts and figure it out, I fear that ill do it again.
I think .. take one big stress out of your life by "parking" the whole issue of "..am I gay or bi" and come back to it when you are feeling stronger. You may fluctuate between gay or bi anyway and so it can be a bit of a moving target. Nothing is black or white. Doing that may take the parents pressure off you. All in good time and when YOU are ready. the desire to cut is something you could get help with maybe seek some counselling - just distract yourself or something if you find yourself feeling that way again
If you are uncomfortable letting people know that you cut or talking to your parents about it there are bound to be support groups online that can help. Dealing with stress is difficult.
