Hi everyone. I'm new here. Im old enough that you'd think i wouldn't need to be posting like this but I'm not very experienced dating women (came out lez late in life) and I'm notoriously bad at reading women. I need just a bit of advice whether I should be encouraged or not. I'm in a masters program with a woman who is a bit younger than I am. Seriously one of the most stunningly beautiful women I've ever seen. She's sexually very open while still classy, and has set off my gaydar - I'm guessing she's bi. We started some really intense (read:embarrassingly frequent and long) eye contact with some shared moments and meaningful glances. We had a thing going on even though we didn't know each other much. We emailed just a bit, and she started called me Sweetie, and hugging me, and touching me. Her voice tone changes when she talks to just me: lower and more intimate tones. I've watched and listened, and I'm the only one she does this to- even though she has other closer friends in class. So in one of our conversations surrounding lgbt issues I dropped in the convo that I wasn't straight (it worked with the conversation like that - not avoiding saying I'm gay). And she didn't counter-come-out. It totally threw me, because I honestly assumed she was bi and out, because I've never had a straight girl stare at me like that before. Ever. So over the next two weeks I grew intensely awkward because I didn't want her to be creeped out, and she grew awkward as well. Less eye contact. No emails. No touching. At the same time, she was deliberately not avoiding me, and possibly even being intentionally sultry. I decided to get over my hangups, and now we're back to some eye contact, the low voice tones, some touching, her calling me Sweetie, and generally being aware of each other and connected even without too much interaction. I know it sounds really high school, but I'm genuinely not sure what to make of it, and before I ask her out for coffee, I need to know if it looks promising at all to anyone else. If you need more details, I'm happy to share. Thanks.
Do you know if she is in some kind of relationship ? I'd say its difficult to say... maybe she is bi and slowly opens up to the thought... I'd say more information is needed... I'd go slow and gather more information...
She's single. She's been with guys.....I'd venture a guess she's been with girls too. Regarding lgbt/sexuality issues, she's the most knowledgable and confident in the class, followed by myself and another gay girl - but that's sort of her field. Thanks for the reply!
She thinks youre hot and was initially intimidated by the reality of a potential relationship (or whatever youre looking for)
Hi there, and welcome to Empty Closets. Why not just ask her if she wanted to meet up for a coffee? This would be best way to find out whether there is any potential or whether she might be interested. You have a couple of things to go on here but speaking with her and getting to know her will give you all the information you need.
Ha ha totally serious! She seems like she needed time to process something... not sure if its what I am guessing here, but I don't get the impression that it was something negative.
Yeah, asking her for coffee is the obvious thing to do. At the same time I have a good four years to go with her in the same program, and I didn't want to make things awkward. But if it looks better than not, I'll go slowly and take a shot at it. Thanks for the input!
Hi there! It could make things awkward (potentially), particularly if she does not reciprocate your feelings. That said, you also want to be able to put your mind at ease at some point and be able to move on from the crush if nothing further develops. In some ways, your mind is already in overdrive and creating a landscape showing how things could be, or how they could turn out, and every glance, glare, word, and action on her part is going to be filtered through that landscape. Given that you are in the same program you don't want to let this go on without taking control as it were. All you are doing is asking a classmate for a coffee (for now).
So true! And I've asked several others for coffee, no biggie - but I didn't like any of them this way. Lol. Appreciate the help!
This week was more encouraging. She was sending signals loud and clear. It was a beautiful thing. Even I couldn't mistake the intense eye contact, the comfort in my space, the come-hither looks reserved for me. I was thinking "hooray! That's what I needed to know! Now I'll ask her to coffee the first chance I get...." Next day, nothing. Completely ignored me 100%, despite the opportunity for conversation. Wtf? So I guess I'll hold off. I don't know what the hell is going on. I feel very high school for posting this, but it does help to have a place to hash it out, so bear with me...
Hi there! No worries for posting and asking, and no worries about feeling 'very high school.' Everyone at some point is experiencing something like this - no matter their age. I wouldn't worry too much about what happened at this point. If you still wanted to ask her, you could give it a go and see what happens.
I don't think you can read anything into her change of "attitude". It may just be a dip in her personal energy levels or maybe the weather was depressing for her. I think as long as she did display those positives towards you, they're there. You would have gotten none if they didn't exist. (I hope.) Nobody is "on" all the time. So...coffee?
