I don't know what's happening to me, it just seems that over the last couple of weeks I've become a far more sensitive person when I am alone. It all seems to coincide with me dealing with my panic attack and realizing the root of the problem which helped me become something more. In fact yesterday in the cinema while watching a movie I cried and that never happens to a guy like me. I've always been a fairly cold hearted person since my depression and now I'm actually happy and smiling and I'm also crying a bit more and I get angry a lot less now. I know it's healthy to be emotional but the thing is I'm old fashioned and it feels like I'm becoming a really feminine guy. I like the feeling of being able to feel emotionally. I'm bringing down all the walls erected by my mind and it's by choice I'm doing this and it's to make me happier. But I'm still a little bit worried about acting all emotional in front of my family as I don't want to be seen as a weak person. So I just act around my family, being an actor has definitely helped me keep my old persona around my family. But my old fashioned ideas about being feminine and masculine are not allowing me to completely let myself run free as an emotional man. I also see emotions as being weak so yesterday when I watched the movie and cried during it, I felt as if I was weak for letting my emotions out. But then I also applauded myself for letting myself become emotional and so I'm caught between my old fashioned ideals which are probably going to get torn to pieces as I continue my journey to a relationship with a man of which I can see coming in the future and it's making me a bit teary just writing about it. Oh my god, I breaking down every barrier I've ever had and it's just making me feel the best I've ever felt in my life.
Hm, thanks for this . I don't have any sage words of advice . I don't know how old you are either (something that annoys the F outta me ) but I go through the emotions/ wtf /questioning my masculinity too . I never cried in a movie but when my g f dragged me to see tfios I walked out . I knew why at the time ,and it was pretty early on into the flick, but I told her later it was due to the movie being bogus and a standard R & J chick flik. Rt now I'm going through shit with someone and I've wanted to cry , i think. I get this knot in my Adam's apple but as soon as it comes on strong I turn on anger which has always been a refuge for me ( wow, I sound fucked up ) . Anyway , thanks for posting this , man.
The walls you put up are coming down. Just go with the flow doesn't make you less manly or straight up girly, A real man shows emotions and isn't afraid to cry ( and sometimes you just need a good cry) I don't think being emotional makes your feminine or masculine it just shows your human and thats all that matters!
I can relate to this. I feel like I've had an icy heart now for quite some time. I've even prided myself on being hard hearted. Today at work I saw an article about how a father was looking for a way to be supportive of his son coming out to him. He knew he wanted to, but the father wanted to make him feel comfortable. Long story short, when the boy did his father embraced him and told him he loved him more than anything. It took everything I had not to cry at work, including standing out in the freezing cold. I also fear that I might be mistaken as effeminate so I know where you are coming from. I hope things continue to go well for you Justinian20.
Im glad to hear this isn't just me... since I finally came out to myself... this is one of the things that has shocked me the most... I can cry almost at the drop of a hat... My kids always commented 'I have never seen Dad cry' they certainly cannot say that anymore. I watched a movie on the weekend with them... and had to go into the bathroom... because I way crying so bad, I couldn't catch my breath... its weird...
I'm taking all of this the same. Except it's this odd happiness. Typically I'm known for being a "bastard" but I've been a lot happier and maybe kinder to peoplem idk. It's strange.
Now it's happened to a comedy movie, I really can cry at the drop of a hat now. It's almost like all the walls I erected in the past are going away. I'm crying way more than I ever have and it feels really strange. I always argued with my parents but now I'm scared of it because an argument might make me cry. I am at the point of no return. I won't be taking any backward steps anymore.
