Trying to figure out my beliefs

This post is probably just going to be a bit of a ramble, I just really need to get this off my chest.

So basically, I live in a very strictly religious (Christian) home, and like any person would, I've started to have doubts.

I have had quite an open mind ever since I realized I was gay. I chipped away all the things that I don't agree with in terms of what religion taught me (in regards to sexuality, gender, sex workers, marriage, abortions, sex etc..). I used to be a very close minded religious person and only stuck to the rules of the Bible and what people preached at church.

Where I see my 'faith' you might call it, I believe in evolution but I believe it was caused by a higher power, like a god/goddess, mother nature, spirit - whatever it may be. I also believe no theory, gods or beliefs can be proved or disapproved.

I wanted to start off with researching regular agnosticism and found a quote that knocked my belief in the Christian God (or how I perceive it - which I've decided to put in spoilers just in case you don't feel like reading it).

Spoiler

"...a God who could make good children as easily a bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell--mouths mercy, and invented hell--mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honourably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!"

But then we move on, and like I stated with believing in a higher power, I'm thinking pantheist agnostic/agnostic pantheism. I haven't really gotten into that yet because I'm still trying to figure it out.

If any of you have an idea on what this might be exactly, I'd really appreciate it.

I also posted this because I'm struggling with wanting to talk about this with my parents, but I fear that if I can't come out about my sexuality, then coming out about my doubts won't be as good for me either. I don't want any Bible thumping from my parents, I'm already expected to go to church and be the good Christian girl my parents want me to be.

PS. I don't want this to turn into some kind of controversial argument, I just need a bit of advice.