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Male friend keeps breaking up and getting back together with bf...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by QueerTransEnby, Nov 19, 2014.

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  1. QueerTransEnby

    QueerTransEnby
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    One of my friends(male) from college has been in an on again, off again relationship for the past 2-3 months. I will say that the reasons why are certainly warranted due to his boyfriend's anger, depression, and jealousy issues. Of course, my friend has his issues as well. Also, please don't get me wrong, their relationship is their business. I am in no place to tell them how to be together or not be together, even though I am hoping for them to stay a couple. They are a gay Christian couple who has each been through a lot in their lives. My friend has had 2 bouts of cancer as well as overcoming a 2 year alcohol addiction.

    The problem has been that they have complained about each other on Facebook after unfriending each other 4 times(separate times of course). I am friends with both online. They have cancelled events then say they are back together and that they are working things out. I genuinely love and care for both of them(in a brotherly sort of way). I really don't know if they realize the emotional rollercoaster they are putting each other through and others when they broadcast their issues online. I realize I am not the relationship police here, but what can I do to encourage both without taking sides?
     
    #1 QueerTransEnby, Nov 19, 2014
  2. flyinhernikes

    flyinhernikes Guest

    if they are both the same age as you i would assume thy would know better than the on/off rollercoaster relationship. thats really what kids/teens do, at their age i would hope they could talk things out and thats isnt easy but it would solve a lot of the on/off-ness. rather than saying 'oh your dumped' then the next day 'take me back'. they sound pretty immature, no realtionship is ever fun like that. sounds like they like each other but they both need to figure out whats best for themselves. just encourage them to think things over but be there for both of them, you cant ever tell them what they should do they have to realise it themselves and they will sooner or later. just being there for them is all you can really do. nothing else really.
    that sounds harsh sorry. :frowning2:
     
    #2 flyinhernikes, Nov 20, 2014
  3. kumawool

    kumawool
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    Well you could tell them putting their issues online is a terrible idea. I would, damn it my friends are going to at least pretend to be mature.

    Unfortunately, the relationship is your friend's decision to make. You can only support him in his choices.
     
    #3 kumawool, Nov 20, 2014
  4. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    It's very difficult to stand by and watch two people who you love and care about go up and down on an endless rollercoaster, but in truth, there is very little you can/should do with regard to their relationship unless they both ask for your help. Even then, you would need to assess if you have the knowledge and expertise to counsel them through the minefield of troubles that may exist within their relationship. Perhaps the best thing to do is remain a supportive friend to both of them and offer encouragement, where appropriate. If they ask for your opinion it may be wise to suggest relationship counselling. If they both have deeper, underlying issues that need attention this will come to the fore during relationship counselling and they can decide whether or not to accept or seek additional help for the sake of themselves and their relationship.

    Personally, I don't think you should intervene unless they ask for you help or opinion. I know that will be super difficult as you see things unravel again, but you may not be thanked if you say anything.
     
    #4 PatrickUK, Nov 20, 2014
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