Im currently in my second year of uni and am having my exams right now. The past two weeks had been very difficult for me. Im currently studying a course that I have no interest in and the only reason im continuing is because i don't know what to do in my life and my family just wishes me to get a degree rather than waste my time away. My grades are not good and if I don't perform well this semester, there is a probability that I will get kicked out. And I dare not tell anyone this as everyone have high expectations of me. I feel like quitting school. I tried talking to my family about this. And they asked me what do I want to do if i quit school. I don't have an answer to that. I just know what I don't want to do and continuing to study in this course is just making me unhappy. Recently im also having some relationship problems. My gf and I have some miscommunication and she refuses to want to talk about it. She is tired from work and she is not talking with me. I stay with her and we are acting like strangers. I hate cold wars and want to deal with it. But if I push her to talk to me, things will just get ugly. So i have to just wait for her to come to me. I broke down countless times this past two weeks. I have attempted suicide in the past, and had been thinking of this option for a long time. I have just reached a point that I can feel all the negative emotions being pent up inside, but I cant even cry out. What should I do next?
This relates to me on such a personal level. I wait tables for a living, and while its good money, the stress of it is literally killing me. I can't go on like that anymore. Its way way too much. I've actually tried quiting my job a few times, but they keep me on the schedule and beg me not to go. I've been there 3 years and I'm really good at my job. Honestly, they just couldn't ever find a replacement that would ever be as good, so they try and force me to stay. and it works... I put in my two weeks notice over a month ago but I'm still there. I still see my ex boyfriend as often as I can, but hes still kind of bitter and whenever I push him to talk about his feelings he blows up in my face and I just want to run away. In these past two months I have also seriously tried to kill myself.... the stress gets to you. It really really does. Now I'm still living with this stress, trying to take it one day at a time. But my greatest advice is to just walk away. I realized that if 20 years from now I wasn't even here because I killed myself, I would be doing myself the biggest disfavor ever! Far better to live a very simple easy life than to end it entirely. Quit school, pick up a job. or don't pick up a job. But you need a break! You need to find yourself again. Go on vacation, visit an out of town friend. Pick up an old favorite book or movie and experience again why you loved it so. I understand that feeling of negative emotions bottled inside you. A depressing storm of stress, worry, sadness and fear. They say that before people attempt suicide they reach out to someone. In my own case, both times I realize I did in fact let someone know I wasn't doing alright. and sadly, in both cases neither of them picked up on the clues. It was just luck that I survived the first one.... If you are reaching out, we are here to take your hand. I really wish I could do more for you. But right now these words are all I have. All I have and all I am. and for what its worth I can tell that you must be a very special person. Don't let the world take that from you. I love you. ~C
OK. Two big things. One. Is this the same gf as before? She has problems which are not healthy for you. She needs to go off and work on herself before inflicting her volatility on anyone else and you need to stick to your guns and say goodbye to her. She is dangerous for your mental health. I hope this doesn't sound too bossy but it seems like you've given your relationship enough time and it isn't working. There are other nice, more stable girls out there and you deserve one. Two. Do you know what you want to study? If not, go over to student services or wherever your university has its course counsellors and get some guidance. Maybe take some aptitude tests to point you in the right direction. If you got in to university, you're obviously bright enough to be there. You're just in the wrong program. Finding the right course can be challenging - I have 3 unrelated degrees, so I should know. But testing can really help. Give it a try. Concentrate on the "you" part of this equation (university, training, work …) before adding someone else in.
She is the same gf that I have mentioned earlier. I know she has problems, but I just cant help it to be by her side. When we are apart, I can only think of her. How is she doing? Has she eaten? Is she coping well at work? I can’t even study. That is why I have moved back to her place. But the things between us have not been resolved and we are both acting like strangers. Even though we sleep on the same bed, we don’t talk to each other. As for my studies, Im in my exam period right now. Will be having exams in a few days. I cant’t exactly just stopped and go on a break. But I also can’t seem to find the motivation to carry on for these few days. Which is why I feel so trapped.
Im also in the second year of uni and i also have no idea what i wanna really study ,im doing well in exams even if i rarely even attend my classes because i just find them uninteressting and boring , and just thinking about the future gets me depressed , so i know exactly what you're going through and i also find this hard to deal with , maybe you could take a year out and just take a break from everything and try to figure out what you wanna do with your life , i guess you're the same age as me since you're also in 2nd year of uni , which means that you're still young and can start over if you wish to , a couple of my friends did the same this year because they just werent feeling ok with what they were studying . So basicaly this isnt worth taking your life for , it can get better . As for your girlfriend , you just have to learn how to let go people who have a negative effect on your life , wether it's a friend , a best friend , or even your significant other , try to surround yourself with more positif people , and be a bit more selfish , care about yourself more than others , i know it sounds bad but sometimes its the only way to live a happy life
