Hi everyone, I used to post a lot of advice here [as well as Welcome Greetings to new members] but I haven't been active in this awesome forum for quiet some time because I've gone through a lot of challenges the past 6 months and those challenges left me feeling all alone, extremely angry, depressed and lost. I don't want to bore anyone with my long, sad [and pathetic] stories so I will just try to list down the things that happened to me this year as short as possible. 1. My dad had been feeling sick since April and after months of trying to take care of him, he suffered a heart attack last June and passed away. A day before my mom and my dad's wedding anniversary. My mom died exactly 10 years ago, as well. My dad and I had a falling out before he started getting sick and I was too caught up with my own anger and personal issues that I failed to be there for him. Now I am overcome with extreme guilt and anger towards myself. I oftentimes asked for his forgiveness but I feel like its not ever going to be enough. 2. I turned 31 last September and after 8 years of working for one of the top fashion retail companies, I decided to leave the job [which I truly loved] to search for better career opportunities and start my own little design firm and photography services. Unfortunately, all my Plan As, Plan Bs, Plan Cs failed and I ended up broke and jobless. I burned through all my savings and exhausted all my networks and opportunities and I do not know how to start over again. Yes, I turned 31 a couple of months back and now I feel like its too late for me to start over again. And yes, I made very poor career choices and now I feel like I have passed my prime already and I will just spend the rest of my days at home, relying on family members for financial support. I have tried applying for full time jobs again and trying to get small freelance work to financially sustain me for the time being but nothing seems to be going in my favor. I am really embarrassed to admit this but now I am living at home with my siblings doing daily house chores while they 3. Because of the things that happened, I became extremely angry at the world and myself. Even the most petty/littlest thing can really set me off for days. I am angry for not making things right with my dad before he passed away. Angry at myself for making really bad career choices. Angry at myself for being lost and confused with my life. And angry at myself for alienating all my friends. Its just really difficult for me to talk to anyone because I feel like they don't really understand what I'm going through, not to mention that most of them are too caught up in their own little bubbles because they are in a really good place/point in their lives and I don't want to ruin that. The worst part of feeling really angry all the time is its taking a toll on my health. I started getting sick a lot and I even came to the point that I throw up when I get upset. I don't know what to do anymore. I once had a great career with a family to come home to everyday. Now I am a bum living in an eerily quiet house with no career prospect and suffering from extreme anger and depression. I am 31 years old and I clearly have issues. Lol. Pathetic, right? I am really hoping to snap out of it one of these days but I really do not what step to take. All I know is that I need to work on my personal issues first before I start working on my career challenges. I really cannot go back out to the world and have a job and interact with people while having anger issues. I tried reading and watching a lot of videos on anger and how to cope with it but it just makes me feel angry even more [for some reason]. Do you have any advice on what steps I should take in order to get out of this anger/depression? Thank you so much in advance and I hope you guys are doing way better than I do right now. Peace.
First step, realize you're not pathetic. Gain some confidence in yourself, believe in yourself and respect your own problems to be important and not pathetic. Easier said than done but it's worth a try
For starters, you're not pathetic (*hug*) Life can hit us with things that it's really hard to cope with sometimes. The trick is to take things one step at a time and realize that it will probably require multiple steps to get back where you were. It's rare to be able to just jump back on top when life has knocked you down. As a starting point, it sounds to me like a lot of your anger issues are rooted in the situation with your dad. That's very unfortunate, and I'm sorry you're going through that. But the bottom line here (and not to sound heartless) is that he is dead and you aren't going to be having another conversation with him about whatever issues you had (unless you believe in an afterlife and prayer, I suppose). What you can do though is remember that he presumably loved you and would want the best for you and most certainly would not want you to be paralyzed by guilt and anger such that you're life is increasingly unhappy. Being eaten up by anger is a non-productive way to live (believe me, I know) and is only hurting you. The best thing you can do now, both in general and to honor your father's memory is to forgive yourself and start working to rebuild your life. Secondly, I'd recommend trying to find almost any job that will bring in some money and get you out there again, even if it's not exactly what you were doing before (your written English is excellent - do you also speak it well? If so, I happen to know that a number of American companies maintain call centers in Manila. You might get a professional job there at a start). Rome wasn't built in a day and you may need to work up through various jobs to get back where you were. But just being able to get out there and bring home a paycheck again is an accomplishment that can help you start to feel better about yourself and let you build up to the point of then finding another job that moves you up a step and/or closer to being back where you were. And so on. Consider also that there may be other options out there besides what you were doing before that you might have skills and talent for and that you might like doing. It will take time to get back on your feet again, but it can happen and you can do it. Hang in there and best of luck to you. Todd
1. Your situation can be much worse. You could be without a roof over your headm no family at all to offer support, out on the street, etc etc. Instead, it sounds like you have a foundation for which to rebuild from given the help your getting from other family. 2. You clearly are capable as you have had a good job previously, so you can find something suitable again. So what? Y ou took a risk to try and have an even better life financially, that's what people do, it's normal to take a risk. That said, some risks work and other do not. The vast majority probably do not. And you know what other people do when the risk does not work having fallen off the bike? They brush off the dirt, get back on the bike and try again. Given your past experience, your proven abilities and your desire to better yourself. You have the foundation you need to start over. 3. In terms of your father, he is up in heaven, watching down on you and he is probably hoping you forgive yourself knowing that he loves you. Life is full of regrets, those that rise above the regrets succeed. Time for you to do the same. 4. Finally, great profile pics. They show a character, a playfulness and a level of confidence that you can use to your benefit. Good luck!
Thank you CharlsOn AKTodd and OnTheHighway. I deeply, deeply appreciate your advice and words of encouragement. It was really difficult for me to start this thread and let others hear my stories/what I am going through at the moment for fear of being laughed at or judged. Anyway, I am slowly [very slowly, actually] working on my anger issues. I have started writing on my journal again which is somewhat therapeutic to me. As I have mentioned in my thread, I have consciously alienated myself from all friends because I find it extremely difficult to communicate with them. And having been alone with all my thoughts and emotions for the past couple of months, its kind of getting to me already and its beginning to be unbearably unhealthy. I am still angry and little things can still set me off into a lunatic. But I guess acknowledging that I do have a problem and issues to deal with is a step. A very small step, but a step nonetheless. Rest assured that I will continue to work on myself and will update you if there's any progress. I am still open for suggestions/words of encouragement if you guys have other things to add. I need as much help right now as possible. Thank you all so much.
