Hi! So, I've recently met an awesome guy over an app, and we had our first date yesterday. It went great! We both had a lot of fun, and I could really see this going somewhere. The only problem is, I am not out to my parents. They asked me who I was hanging out with, and I said that I was hanging out with a friend. Afterwards, they asked me how I knew the guy, and I said that I knew him from a mutual friend, but they are still really suspicious. I told them that I would invite him over, and let them meet him, but I'm kind of worried about the whole thing. I really like this guy, and I feel like the feelings are reciprocated, but I am worried that if my parents found out, they would never let me hang out with him ever again. That would suck. So, what should I do?
This is such a difficult one! I've been in this situation before and it's stressful! I think you should stick to as much truth as you can when explaining things to your parents. It'll make you feel a bit less stressed and less suspicious. For example, introduce him to one of your friends (if possible), then you do genuinely have a friend in common. Introducing him to your parents, even though it's going to be terrifying for you, might be a smart move. If he's as nice as you say - they'll probably like him! Remember, part of the reason they're so concerned is that they want you to be safe, so maybe meeting him will put their mind at rest. It might not have occurred to them he might be gay/bisexual - but at least you can prove he's not a murderer!
This is always a difficult question to honestly answer, but do you think there's the faintest possiblity your parents suspect? If so, they may already have an idea of what's going on. The process of denial is really complex, and parents can often intentionally (though unconsciously) look the other way and pretend not to see obvious signs. For what it's worth, all but the most oblivious parents (especially mothers) usually, in this day and age, are able to pick up on the idea. They may not like it, and they may deny it even to themselves, but mothers in particular usually have an idea. It's hard to know how to read what they're saying, and what your "suspicious" comment means without fully understanding the context. If you do introduce him to your parents... it may further complicate matters if they have any suspicions. What would it mean for you to consider coming out? What stands in the way? And, for that matter, how old are you?
Coming out would be a pretty bad idea, as my parents are paying for my college. I'm 18, and a freshman in college. My parents are really conservative Christians, and they are vocal about their disapproval of homosexuality. So, it wouldn't really go over well.
Are you living in campus or at home? ---------- Post added 30th Nov 2014 at 12:01 PM ---------- if your in college, and your concerned about your parents reaction, school offers a great opportunity for you to live however your comfortable, and with all the classes you have and people you meet, there is enough rationale for having new friends. This is without regard to whether you live at home or on campus. By inviting him home, I am curious if your doing so because, as Chip suggest, they may be suspicious and you think they might be as well, and this is a way to confirm your sexuality without really expressly stating it? I say this because my partner has actually never come out to his Christian family, whom are also conservative. When I met his family, it was understood by all whom I was, but never directly expressed. I was the first boyfriend he had ever brought home to meet his parents. As he has suggested to me, it's always been an unspoken known that he is gay. I see them regularly, when I am there my partner and I hold back on any outwardly display of affection between us, but they treat me with great respect and have made me feel very welcomed.
