So I am in an arts school for vocal music, and we just had a performance a few days ago. I was chosen to sing a solo for one of our a Capella pieces which was absolutely amazing (I was the youngest major soloist of the night!!!) and worked really hard on it so I could nail it on the night of the performance. It went smoothly and I was very proud of myself. The next day I was in class talking to the other vocal students about our performance and this one guy (his name shall be C) decided to chime in with "Ella, your solo SUCKED. You were probably the worst of the evening". C is known for being a total asshole and says mean things like that to get reactions, and I know that, but his comment had ruined my entire day. I have always had problems with get nervous when performing vocal music (it really isn't the same as instrumental) and it halts my ability when I'm on stage, but I have been working so hard to gain more confidence and I worked so hard on that solo, and now I feel like that all of my hard work has been for nothing BECAUSE OF THIS STUPID GUY WHO HAS TO GET A LAUGH FROM EVERYONE. No matter how many people say that they loved what I did, this one STUPID COMMENT will stick in my head and I'm just so angry with C!!!!!! I know this has nothing to do with this website but this issue has been eating me away for the past few days and I really need to talk about it to somebody who doesn't think that C is just a guy trying to be funny
I am an amateur musician and know how nerve-wracking performing can be. I actually find introducing my pieces worse than playing them! So I feel for you. C's comment to you was totally uncalled-for and shitty. I suspect he's jealous of your ability/performance and is just too immature to be able to handle it gracefully. I don't know if you feel able to but I wonder if taking him aside and saying, "Listen. Your comment about my performance was really hurtful. I worked really hard on it and I'd appreciate it next time, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." Give him one second to apologize and then walk away. It might take a few nerves but you'll feel much better afterwards. I know you did a lovely job because I can tell you felt the joy from giving a great performance.
One of the exercises Brené Brown uses is to keep a tiny piece of paper in her wallet. On it is her list of the names of people whose opinions of her matter. She says there should never be more than three or four people. And by keeping that list, she can remind herself that no one else's opinion of her matters. Of course, that's easier said than done. But you get the point: It's clear this person is himself really insecure and unhappy, and does what he does to try to make himself feel better. One thing that can sometimes work: You might consider going up to him, in private, and saying something like There's no guarantee it will get through. But he'd have to be a complete and total dick, devoid of any compassion, for that not to have some impact on him, even if he didn't admit it or apologize.
Do not concede that it may not have been perfect. This is only a matter between the performer and her teacher. All performers know that there is no such thing as an absolutely perfect performance but if you feel good about it, then, for that moment, it was perfect.
"C" does not sound nice. You should know though, that his comment likely had nothing to do with you and your performance, which sounds like is something you absolutely deserve to feel great about. He is probably just suffering, and taking out his suffering in the form of those types of comments and attention seeking. Like Chip said, he is unhappy. I think like all people who are down or hurting, we have to try and have compassion for them. Just really stop and imagine how hard his week was.. or his month.. his year, or how unsatisfying his life has been, how small he has felt or needy for recognition, that at that moment he felt the need to say something so hurtful and tacky. His reaction has absolutely everything to do with who he is and where he is in his life, his ignorance, and the hurt that he is dealing with, and nothing to do with your wonderful performance. We don't need to feel bad about negativity from people who are only trying to be hurtful. We can just know that they are suffering, and their comments are a reflection on their own pain, and not on us. I hope you still feel super proud for the wonderful job you did
