Hello everyone ! Do you ever feel like something blocks you from interacting with people ? I do. All the time. It's not even that I am afraid of their opinion or that they will judge me. I really don't care about that anymore. In "normal" situations, my anxiety is kinda bearable! When I am with my friends or family, it's alright. But when it comes to more complex situations, like meeting new people or just hanging out with people who are not of my closest friends! It's awful. It's like I am paralyzed ! Now, it has become even more of a burden, because there is this bi girl in my class who i have a really good chemistry with. We are supposed to make cakes for school this week-end, and I wanted to ask her to do that together (like she would be coming to my place and we would cook and then watch series or something ...) ! Yet, I am literally unable to ask her ... I have opportunities all day long, but I just can't find the courage to open my stupid mouth and say what I want to say ! I hate being like this ! Help me please !
You do... on a subconscious level. Even if you rationalize your thoughts, thinking that you don't, you still do. When i find myself in your situation, i force myself to think about something else, disregarding the other people's very existence. If this is not possible, then just say it out loud (in your brain), that you do not care about this person and their opinion. Don't just think it, focus on it, genuinely snuff out that little voice in your head that keeps telling you "oh, wonder what their impression of me is". Also, 5-HTP helps. (do talk to a doctor, should you chose to use it as well). As a last resort... Feeling happy or angry, does help, as those two emotions are strong enough to "push out" the anxiety you get in said situations.
recognising the problem, as you have, is the first step towards finding a way forward next time you are with her.. just say it.. take the brakes off.. and see what happens - you may be glad you did
I have similar problems with social anxiety. Not sure of a way to correct it but I totally understand where you are coming from. It seems for me at least that what appears simple for others can be very complex and stressful. I can say from experience that the vast majority of the internal deep rooted fears concerning social interaction are unfounded and rarely ever end up being a real problem. You may want to "push yourself" a little. You may realize that things are not as bad as the mind makes it out to be. I have found most of the anxiety I experience trying to interact with others is literally a waste of my energy. Sure you may have bad experiences but they come and go. You will work through this I'm sure with time. I will keep an eye on this thread. I wish you the best.
I find that its really bad to replay all the possible outcomes in your head and overanalyze things. Sometimes you just have to say it.
I actually left high school and started homeschooling because my social anxiety was so bad. So believe me, I understand the paralyzing feeling, as well as the inability to do things that you really want to do. I feel like I've missed out on so much including the opportunity to date while in high school. There was this girl who I was infatuated with, but I didn't have the guts to tell her and I regret it because I found out recently that she's gay! And because of that, something changed in me. Any time there's a situation that makes me feel uneasy, I ask myself, "Is this something that you really want?" and if so, I just go for it. Yes, I know it's easier said than done, but what do you have to lose?! Nothing is more hotter than confidence! So wear your best outfit (because looking good makes you feel good) approach her and say, "Hey, I was thinking if you don't have plans this weekend, wanna hang out Saturday?"...and let me know how it goes, good luck!
Hey I totally get how you must be feeling like. I'm pretty socially anxious as well and can relate to all the things you were talking about. What I come to notice is that even tough it sounds scary try to slowly do stuff which makes you get out of your shell. Even the smalles thimgs lile saying hi to someone you dont really know or smiling at people etc What you'll start noticing is that nothing bad is going to happen and you will slowly get better at it. As someone mentioned already you may think that you dont mind what people think of you but you actually do subconsciously. I would highly recommend you to look into some cbt stuff which helps you to detect the thoughts which make you feel anxious and hence lead to anxious behaviour and emotions. In terms of asking her to hang out .. if you really cant manage it .. why not send her a message on fb or whatsapp or whatever? That may be much easier right? wish you all the best! )
Start small at confronting your fears. The fear of failure is a powerful sedative that can paralyze your actions, so try to work at rewarding yourself even when you do something slight. I agree that messaging is a great way to converse without the anxiety of in-person discussion.
Thanks to all for answering Maybe it is right saying that i'm still caring about opinions on a subconscious level. But it has been way worse before I came to high-school ! I'm way more confident! What happens in our mind is so weird ... and so hard to understand ! Concerning the girl, I have gathered my confidence and asked her by text (i didn't talk to her today) ... she said she will ask her parents ! I'm waiting for now ... but I'm still so scared of her answer!
It may not be much and it's more about when the anxiety is already there, but I have one of those rings that have this part that spins. I wear it and, well, spin it when I feel my anxiety creeping in. It's a small thing, but it helps me handle, or at least cope with it, better. And hey! Congratulations on texting her!! (*hug*)
