Greetings and hello. I am writing this post specifically for anyone considering suicide. Let it be known that there are people out there who care about you and love you. They may not know you personally, but they still care. I may not know you personally and may never know you personally, but I care. I know how it is to feel unloved. I know how it feels to think the entire world around you hates you. I know what it's like to be picked on, bullied, called names. I know what it's like to be alone and feel lonely. I understand. I have a story to tell you. All my life I have suffered to some extent. It was especially rough in my teenage years. I had no friends, I couldn't find anyone to date me, nobody seemed to understand me. I was confused then and still am a bit confused about my sexuality. I did not have my first date until I was 21. Around the age of 15 or so, I had made up my mind. I wanted to end the suffering of my life once and for all. I didn't know if there was a heaven or hell or even a god, but I was ready to find out. I will not go into the details of how I tried to remove myself from this world but it failed. I considered afterwards about how to do it successfully but became sidetracked. I began to realize there are people out there who care. I am 30 years old now and I am very thankful I failed. Since then I have experienced love on many levels. I have realized that although there is much bad in the world, there is much good as well. I learned that one does not have to know someone personally to care about them. I have met many people who have so much love in their hearts to give but not enough people to give it to. I have learned that the problems I may face from time to time are trivial in the long run. Let it be known that all pain will pass. All wounds will heal. Love will find its way into your heart. Take this community for example. I have seen many loving people here. There is so much love and understanding here. So many want to help others figure out who they are and to understand they are loved. If you feel unloved, hang around here awhile. I grew up in a strict Christian family. I was raised to believe there is only one sexual orientation and that is straight. However my feelings and desires deviate from such. I also understand the mental confusion when you are raised to believe what you feel is sinful and the work of demons or the devil or some other fictional evil bad guy. The way I was raised has caused me a lot of suffering. Despite such, I know that there are people out there who love me and care about me. Even if my family may not. Please reconsider if you are considering suicide. Things WILL get better. Trust me. Give it time and hang around here awhile. Talk to others about your problems and feelings. We don't mind. We want to help you. Let us help you.
After going through severe depression and a complete emotional collapse (missing half a school year) I can tell you that It's terrible, but things will get better. I am doing better now than ever before
Survivors need to tell their stories, I believe it gives comfort to many people out there contemplating suicide. I've gone through 3 serious attempts at taking my own life, 16 yo, 19 yo, and 50 yo. All depression related. Once I accepted that I was clinically depressed, I was able to get control of it. Now with therapy and meds I'm correcting the things inside me that have prevented me from living the full life I'm meant to live. You should never give up hope. The choices in your life might be hard, but humans have an amazing capability to overcome obstacles. Tell that inner critic to shut the fuck up, and take control of it. Own your life. You need to make the choices that make you a better person, inside and out. You have to know that you are a valuable and important. Believe it, it's true.
TRIGGER Bless, best wishes and good vibes to you all. Back when I was really struggling with anorexia recovery I remember thinking about all the crap that went on when I was little, I blamed myself for things that my parents did, I blamed myself for the divorce, lying and cheating and even thought I deserved what my *censored for their safety* did. I eventually started self harming to cope and it hurt many people around me so it turned into a vicious cycle, someone would notice (or I thought they did), I'd feel ashamed, I'd hurt myself, repeat. I never seriously considered killing myself but due to starvation I wanted to just not exist, I didn't want to hurt those around me any more. It isn't worth it, every one of you, any one who reads this; you are a unique individual. There is only one of you and there will never be another! Each being is equally valuable, you included. Please rememer that. (*hug*)
That is beautiful. Especially 'Let it be known that all pain will pass. All wounds will heal. Love will find its way into your heart.' I have always struggled to 'find' myself and I finally have. I have always felt 'depressed' throughout my childhood because of bullying etc. But this site let me meet myself. It's because of people like you. Thank you.
I was thinking of suicide just 2 days before. I started searching for the pills, but kept it all for later. But this post really helps a lot. Words are really powerless to express my gratitude, but I hope you consider yourself heartily thanked because you might have saved someone's life without realising it! Thanks♥
THANK YOU. <3 I had an emotional breakdown this afternoon and I really needed those words. I'm still depressed and stressed about being rejected by my best friend, along with other things, like getting a GED and a job. While I'm turning 18 in less than a month, I will not feel like a real adult until I get my GED, and even then, I'll still feel extreme guilt and shame because I can't get a real high school diploma. I also unfriended my best friend on Facebook weeks ago, yet she's been so busy with her real friends that I doubt she even noticed. I want to hug her and skin her alive at the same time. My heart has never been so crushed before. I don't want to ever fall in love again as suicide will probably be harder to resist then. Iwould give anything to rid of my romantic desire entirely. I'm going to spend the rest of my life avoiding love and dating like the plague as failure to do so will likely lead to suicide. I've talked about suicide to some family members, but most of them dismiss it as a joke. When they don't, they threaten to "bring in the white coats," and I had to pretend I was OK when I wasn't. The only family member who took me seriously was my aunt Cathy. After a meltdown, I stayed at her house and she was afraid to go to work in fear of finding my dead body when she got home. That made me feel like such an awesome person. *sarcasm*
I thank you all for the kind words. My goal of this post is to let others know they are not alone and they are loved. I am very happy it has helped someone. I hope it helps more.
I'm very glad you're still with us! Nowadays I'm okay, but I'm going to take this opportunity, to bitch about my struggles. If anything, I want people to be aware I wasn't always this strong. Probably too graphic for people to read if they're feeling depressed. Spoiler I tried to overdose back in my teens. I planned it very well and mentally prepared myself. Unfortunately, I failed to adequately research my chosen (prescription) drug. I thought I took plenty, but it wasn't enough. I wasted a weekend throwing up. I lied about feeling unwell because I didn't want anyone to interrogate me and nobody was any wiser about it on Monday. I've since thought about suicide, sometimes, but nothing serious and no detailed plans. I've been self-harm free since October 2010. I cut my hands so bad that I couldn't even play my video games. And that was a one-off failure after controlling myself for a few years. I'm not gonna lie. Technically, I cut myself more than I'd like to admit, but these are very shallow injuries with an important purpose. I rarely talk about it because I don't want well-meaning people to mistake it as self-harm. Although I haven't blacked out for ages, it's still one of my greatest... secret fears. I'm scared of blacking out when I cross the road or in public and what would people do? Steal my wallet!? Kick me while I'm down just like my high school bullies did!? Of course, this is life, and you can die from falling out of bed, so, I try to be brave. I've suffered from delusions. The worst thing of all is that I don't realise my thinking is warped, until way later, and even then there's some luck involved. I used to believe the government was releasing dangerous chemicals into the oxygen we breathe, to reduce aggression within people and basically weaken us until we die. It was also in shop food, tapwater, and even the damn meds I was offered. Hell, I believed the meds were especially dangerous because they wanted me dead, for being aware of their plans. Finally, this time last year I was suffering from a severe manic episode. Although I was kind of hypersexual, I didn't do anything too stupid. I was a bit depressed throughout Spring and often didn't leave the house for days. I recovered somewhere between Spring and Summer. Anyway, some people don't realise that meds don't take it all away. I'm a hell of a lot better than I used to be, though!
