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feeling down because I've realized that I am truly gay.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Justinian20, Dec 3, 2014.

  1. Justinian20

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    I've also looked back some more and I had a period of my life where I was acting really straight. I'm sort of confused as well due to me looking at some women and finding myself thinking they are beautiful. I know I feel really attracted to men but I just can't believe that after all these years I'm actually gay. I've had all the signs pointing towards it and it is a bit depressing now I realize to the full extent that I am gay.
     
  2. Justinian20

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    When I think about it I can't deny I'm gay but I'm thinking that it's gonna be a long hard road for me. I'm gonna have to change who I am to get down that road, it's the only way, I've got to retain some of my high school mental toughness and bury my feelings deep down sometimes, because that will be the only way I can survive. It's gonna be tough but it's time to bury my sadness deep inside of me along with those doubts. I feel like everything will be too tough if I get too emotional.
     
  3. MusicislifeXD

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    Hey, it's gonna be okay. There's nothing wrong with being gay, it's a beautiful thing. I don't know what you mean by changing who you are. I don't think you should have to change anything. We're here for you.
     
  4. Justinian20

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    What I mean by changing who I am is becoming less emotional like I used to be after my depression and before I came out to a few friends. I'm a emotional guy normally and I cannot feel emotional or I'll get hurt too easily.
     
    #4 Justinian20, Dec 3, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2014
  5. greatwhale

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    I would hope that "becoming less emotional" will not be at the expense of feeling anything at all.

    To feel an emotion is important, very often depression is the virtual absence, or at the very least, the dulling of emotions. Instead of fearing them, let them pass over you...like summer rain, appearing and then dissipating. What is the benefit? Only that you will be more in touch with who you are and more honest about what it is you want and what it is you don't.
     
  6. Justinian20

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    I have the mindset that being emotional is a sign of weakness and I've always felt weaker than everyone else and so to be stronger I'll have to be able to push through without feeling a lot of emotion. I don't really see a way through if I get hurt by every little event that may cause me to cry but I guess it will mean I might be less happy by happy events.
     
  7. MusicislifeXD

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    I'm a very emotional person, too. The thing is to try to not be hurt by every little thing. It's okay to cry about things, in fact it's goo to do so. But if you start being angry at others, that's when getting emotional can be a bit harmful, and you have to be careful. But try to let yourself feel what you will feel. It's unhealthy to try to change it. And also, being emotional does NOT make you weaker. :slight_smile:
     
  8. OnTheHighway

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    For almost 20 years I was numb, lacked any emotion whatsoever. After coming out, the flood gates opened massively. Emotions poured out. Initially, it was scarey. But I learned to embrace my new emotions and, for the first time in a long time, feel both good and bad. It was a wonderful awakening for me. Will there be down times, yup. But they can be offset by positive emotions as well. Being gay, open and comfortable with it has made me happier than I have ever been. Its a journey to get their, but I do believe, based on the posts I have been reading of yours, you are well on your way!
     
  9. Kaiser

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    [​IMG]

    Just to let you know, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at what you said.​


    I still sometimes used to think that. Being emotional makes one weak, because emotions are bridges to memories, people, possessions, or ideals, that can be targeted, taunted, or torn, by others. To actually display any kind of emotion, especially those of the 'softer' variety, like kindness, happiness, or love, only made it easier to get hurt. It was only deluding me, until I could be sucker punched by life, in some manner; and I'd wind up, in the end, more disappointed and more hurt.

    The kind were taken for granted. The happy were taken advantage of. Those who showed love, were disregarded with disdain. These types of emotions, were letting somebody else, potentially, have a leash tied directly around your entire being. Your worth, your confidence, your existence, was left open and vulnerable, for all the world around you, to gaze upon and abuse, however they wished to. I know, because I used to look for these things, so that I could make use of them, for myself, at the expense of another...

    I'm going to save you a lot of time, and maybe, just steer your ass in the right direction, with this:

    Emotions do not make you weak. Showing them does not make you weak. Accepting them does not make you weak.

    It takes more strength to embrace your feelings, and courage to face and understand them. The only thing weak about that is, caving in to the world around you, and letting them reinforce the notion, that being cold and calculating is the only way to get ahead.

    Most importantly, though... being emotionless is only a temporary fix. Even if you are successful at tuning out, even suppressing, how you feel - how you really feel, there will always remain one obstacle, that even the emotionless bastard/bitch cannot overcome:


    Inexperience.​


    You'll become more observant, and it will make your life a living hell. You will see people, being happy, expressing affections, for example, and it will drive you wild. You'll get angry, because your head will be flooded with thoughts like:


    How is that fucker with somebody, and not me?!
    Why can't that be me? What did I do to deserve this?
    Pathetic! What fucking idiots, they are, holding hands like that...​



    You'll either begin to implode from within, like most, or you'll be pushed so far beyond yourself, you'll be a slave to routine, like myself, and will begin to detest your difficulty, in controlling your descend into numbness.

    It isn't very fun, and it wasn't very worth it. However, I will admit this...

    My time being like that, has taught me to be more appreciative, of how I feel, and others. That, though, can be learned without going through this. You're a smart-enough fellow, so, it isn't impossible for you to heed my words, and maintain a sensible path. Don't go down the road I did, you won't like where your destination takes you.

    Don't waste any of your precious remaining years, on something that, quite honestly, will bring you nothing but misery and frustration. You think life is bad now, give it time, there is a tremendous price to pay for cutting yourself off, from the core elements of being human.

    That tremendous price?

    Your humanity. You'll see, just underneath the flesh, what sort of monster lurks within. And, once more, I want to stress, you will not like that beast.
     
  10. Justinian20

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    The reason I saw emotion as being weak is that in high school I used to cry at one of the littlest things, when people were disappointed in me I cried and I cried in front of everyone. No one else cried like I did, No one else in the school was a truly emotional person, that is why I see emotion as making you weaker.

    I understand from all the posts that feeling emotion does not make you weaker. But it's hard for me to get out of that mindset when I'm redeveloping my emotional side and my emotions are much stronger than they have ever been, That's why I'm concerned, I do know why it is happening but it just makes me at first feel really good and now it's just like "No not a romance movie, now I'm gonna get all teary and partly cry." Reacting like that to a movie of all things is strange.

    I definitely might just have to keep the emotions at a controlled level, control the emotions so they do not become overwhelming in the future. I might just have to cry for a small while, get over it and keep moving on up.
     
  11. OnTheHighway

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    Actually, have a massive cry. Let it all out! It's all built up inside of you. You owe it to yourself to release it all.
     
  12. Justinian20

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    I'm actually just gonna say, well maybe it's time to throw of the shackles of what is weak and strong and just let myself say that emotional people are strong in many ways.
     
  13. MusicislifeXD

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    Amen to that brutha!! It takes strength to be emotional. It allows you to open up, and many people are too week to do that.
     
  14. Andrew99

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    There's nothing wrong with being emotional at all. I get my feeling hurt a lot to bc I'm sensitive. It can be overwhelming realizing you're different from everyone else. But that's what makes you unique. Hold your head up high (*hug*) if u ever wanna talk to me about anything just post on my wall and I'll be more than happy to talk to u an help u out with anything u might be going through. Have a great day :thumbsup: (*hug*)