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High school help!

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by vanthefurni, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. vanthefurni

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    So, I'm a closeted male sophomore in high school. I have never talked to anybody about my sexuality because... family and such. Last night a senior guy came out of the closet. For me, this sounded great because I live in a town with about 600 people in the whole school. There are not many gay people at my schools and the ones that are, are weird and always try to push it in your face that they're gay or bi or trans. I'm in more of the athletic scene rather than the rebellious one. So approaching these kids is not on my list of things to do. Now here's the problem: Over the past couple of years I've kinda been sad/depressed but haven't shown it to any of my friends because if they ask why, I cant tell them. I find it really depressing when I see couples in my school because I think, "Wow, it's so easy for any straight person to find somebody to be with. I have never been able to have somebody like that." Anyway.... About this senior, I have never seen him in person but I know what he looks like through facebook. Just about all I know is that he plays football, and is a senior. But, he looks like he was kind of in the same boat as me at one point so I want to be able to talk to him. Sadly I dont know how to find him in person because I dont ever see him at school. How would I go about talking to him? Friend him on facebook? Follow him on instagram? Or let what happens happens? Also, I can get really attached to people quickly so I fear that if I DO meet him, I'll pretty much fall in love with him and he wont wanna date a sophomore. Please help me!! I need advice!
     
  2. vanthefurni

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    Anybody!?! Please!'
     
  3. InsertUserHere

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    Friend him! I'm in high school too, and the way I see, worst case you guys become friends who can talk about your feelings. Best case, you guys develop something more. Not much to lose here!!
     
  4. Andrew99

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    Friend him
     
  5. HuskyPup

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    I think it's a good idea to friend him, maybe even send a short message. It can't hurt to get to know each other, at least as friends, and see what happens. When I look back, I wish I'd been less shy. Try not to worry what will happen, and just see if you get along...and if more develops, well, it sounds like you have some things in common, and perhaps it could be something really wonderful. But you'll never know if you don't try. Even if it doesn't come to true love, like my grandfather said, a person often has to play the field a bit before they settle in on the one they're going to stay with...so here's a chance! I say go for it.

    Hope this helps,

    ~Husky
     
    #5 HuskyPup, Dec 12, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2014
  6. Candace

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    I think that you should definitely friend him! You may really regret it if you don't go through with it. You should start sending short messages to him and talk among yourselves. Try to find out what you both have in common and voila, you've made a new friend in high school :slight_smile:
     
  7. Aussie792

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    Befriend him. And do your best to avoid dismissing every queer person in your town as weird. That might be a dampener on a friendship.
     
  8. vanthefurni

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    Yeah I knew that was gonna sound offensive, and it wasn't meant to be. But the people that are out are all in one friend group and that group is just not my scene. Anyway, what do I say in a message to him?
     
  9. Zoolander

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    First of all, I'm in high school, and in a very similar situation.

    1.) The fact that this guy came out of the closet where it's not too common probably means that he will be open to talking about it. when you first friend him, be candid, try not to dump a lot of things on him at first, which can make some people nervous. But if he is a normal guy, he will probably be open about the whole thing.

    2.) Try something casual like: "Hey, whats up?" Then try to message more, before telling him anything. Since you will be coming out first to him, that is something you can later share that could establish a good friendship later on.

    3.) As for worrying about falling in love with him, so what? High schoolers are young, and having crushes is what they do best. Have fun with it.

    P.S. is he cute?
     
  10. vanthefurni

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    Thanks that actually helps a lot! What kinda sketches me out though is that he knows my brother who's two years old than him. Also, yes he's too cute which makes me think that he probably goes for like 20 year olds!! But I have confidence that if I talk to him, I can make him like me haha

    ---------- Post added 12th Dec 2014 at 10:55 PM ----------

    I feel like just messaging him something like "hey what's up" when I've never seen him in person could be... Odd maybe?
     
  11. Zoolander

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    Well... Since your brother knows the guy, then maybe there is way through him? Also, try to find him in person. Your school is 600 people, that shouldn't be too hard.

    I think it would help if you had at least one person who could help you get in touch with him.

    I mean, there's always the "pull him aside, tell him the whole thing in one breath and then stand there really nervous while he tries to think of a reply" way. :icon_redf

    **If someone did that to me, I would probably be a little uneasy at first. But, I mean, then I would understand the predicament, and help. If this guy is nice, I hope he could do the same.**

    BTW, just shooting out ideas here :slight_smile:
     
  12. vanthefurni

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    Yeah but i can't go through my brother to talk to an openly gay person otherwise.... Also, believe me, I've tried finding him in school! It's so hard!!

    ---------- Post added 13th Dec 2014 at 12:03 AM ----------

    I really just need to know what to message him
     
  13. Quiet Raven

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    Well if it were me... I would just message the whole story. Just tell him what you want to talk about and why you believe he is the best person to talk to about it too. Just explain it all in one message.

    Or... If you don't want to do that. Just tell him you would like to talk to him, and request a meeting sometime.
     
  14. vanthefurni

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    That sounds like so much! I don't think I'm cut out for this :frowning2:

    ---------- Post added 13th Dec 2014 at 11:39 AM ----------

    Oh and just an update, I requested to follow him on Instagram just now, waiting on him to accept it
     
  15. Zoolander

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    I think Quiet Raven has a very good point

    ---------- Post added 13th Dec 2014 at 11:18 AM ----------


    I know it seems scary, and /i probably couldn't follow the same advice in your position, I believe what Quiet Raven said is a good point.
     
  16. vanthefurni

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    But I dont think I can just say everything all at once. I've never even told anybody so it's not easy to just say it all to someone I havent met
     
  17. Zoolander

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    That's true
     
  18. Quiet Raven

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    Understandable. I dunno if this would help, but this is the way I think about it.

    I wouldn't have too big of an issue telling him and that is because I never him. If it is someone I know, I worry how they will react, what they will think of me after I tell them, will they still like me?

    But to someone I never met... I don't have those same fears. I don't care too much what that individual thinks of me because I don't know him. I have nothing to lose, only things to gain.

    I know it is still difficult. It won't be easy for me either, but it is this logic that helps me through situations like this.
     
  19. Zoolander

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    Just think. What are the possible negative outcomes of coming out to him via message? Write out a list, and go over each possibility one by one. Examine them, and see how you can eliminate each of those fears, and whether or not they are actually legitimate fears. when you are done, it might give you a clearer idea of what will actually happen.

    Because he doesn't know you then it would be harder for him to target you if he had a bad reaction.

    When it's all said and done, not being the only person to carry your weight, I have eard that that can be quite nice :icon_bigg
     
  20. vanthefurni

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    That's a really good idea. One of my biggest fears is that he'll tell his older brother that's kinda friends with my older brother. But he just added me back on Instagram!!