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I Think I Can Finally Be Happy

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ZenMusic, Dec 11, 2014.

  1. ZenMusic

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    I was talking to some Social Workers who said they were told a bit about what happened with my Dad, and my Head of House suggested I talk to a self-employed counsellor called Sue. I also told her how my Dad was, and she said that no matter how much he pushes his beliefs on me, I strived to be better. And that how my happy times seem to be when I am not with my parents.She said I need to be myself, and she'd made an analogy with a piece of paper ; each time my Dad berated me, the "map" got smaller, and I felt trappedm But each time I said " I am not a moron. I am a wonderful person and I deserve to be happy", the map opened up, and that I had taken the first steps on this map of mine by not letting my Dad get me down. Onto the Social Worker's coming around. I've been thinking about the ramifications of two decisions I can make : I can either stay with my Dad and let the Social Workers educate both my parents about what I did and how I should not be scorned for it, or go into care and away from my parents for a while. With the former, I'm afraid my bitterness and hatred for my father will get in the way of me wanting to help them, and with the latter, I am playing with fire as you do not know who you will get put with. I feel like if I ride out the next 3 years, I might learn something about myself and become stronger for it, and I feel like a coward and weak for not wanting to. Yet, if I go into care...this brings me onto another question. Either way, I'm going to cut off my Dad if he cannot accept me. I don't want to wake up one day in 10 years and think " I should have given him a chance." Not only that a Family Friend is living with us and she might get dragged into all this, even though only my best friends knows. I don't know what to do?
     
  2. MusicislifeXD

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    Hey hun. I'm not quite sure what to say. I know it seems like a lot, and honestly, for someone your age, it is. I hope you will continue being yourself, because that's the most important thing. Stay strong, my friend. I will be thinking about you and trying to think of a way to help if I can. Much love xoxo
     
  3. PatrickUK

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    Hi ZenMusic - I'm assuming you can choose to stay with your parents for now and see how things go, but still keep open the option to go into care if things don't improve? Is this how the social workers explained things to you?

    Even though things seem quite bad, you are now in a better position as people are aware of your struggling and suffering. Remember, you no longer need to remain silent about the hatred and hostility you have endured and you can lean on other adults who have a healthier and more informed perspective. Keep in touch with them and if things don't improve at home maybe you can explore the alternatives.. what do you think?
     
  4. Argentwing

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    Hey, it's great you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Try not to hold onto bitterness-- if he is trying to be better, you owe it to him to see him better too.

    Looking forward to updates if you decide to post them. :slight_smile:
     
  5. ZenMusic

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    Everything is telling me to go into care, I just think I need to be away from home for a while, but I'm afraid of regretting it and cutting off my Dad in years to come.

    ---------- Post added 11th Dec 2014 at 10:58 PM ----------

    They said they will try to educate my Mum and my Dad on LGBT issues, but if they are not receptive and if my dad speaks even an iota like he did when my Mum outed me, then I can go back into care as it probably isn't safe for me.
     
  6. Chip

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    It sounds to me like you might have the option to go into care and then go back home in a few months or a year. If that's the case, then going into care could be a good thing.

    It might give your dad a chance to really think about the cost of his actions; unless he is a complete piece of shit, he cares about you even if he doesn't know how to show it, and I think he'd have to really think about his actions and what they mean, which could be beneficial to both of you. It also puts more of the control in your hands in terms of how you interact with him and on what terms.

    It sounds like you've got good social workers who are advocating for you, and (as they should be) first trying to resolve the situation in your home setting so you can stay there. So my sense is, if you work with them, and listen to their advice, they will probably steer you in the right direction.

    Best of luck and please keep us up to date on what's going on.
     
  7. ZenMusic

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    I also mentioned him hitting me on multiple occasions : two of which were in May 2013 and August 2013, respectively. The first time was when he slapped me across the face twice and kicked me, he then went outside to tend to my little brother, and I said I wasn't taking his crap(emotional abuse) anymore. He then came over and said threateningly "What did you say?!" And slapped me twice again. The second time was when he thought he had the right to speak to me like a piece of dirt on his shoe, and I said " It seems like you are a bit rude sometimes." He shouted "I"m your father! Don't you ever speak to me like that again!", and slapped me twice. He made me stand outside in the Garden for an hour to "make me remember who he was." This is another reason why Jenna said she referred these social workers.

    ---------- Post added 14th Dec 2014 at 02:40 PM ----------

    That's the thing. I don't know if I can, and that scares me.
     
  8. Argentwing

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    It might be a long shot, but how well can you communicate with him? It might be as simple as laying out your feelings for him and explaining that you have lingering issues with how he treated you. So if you ever act out because of it, you can apologize to him and blame it on that. If he understands at first, he might understand any subsequent times and the tension will be relieved.
     
  9. ZenMusic

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    The social workers are here, they ssid they've been talking to my Mum, she didn't rip my head off as soon as I came home, so I suppose they haven't told her yet.
     
  10. ZenMusic

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    The Social Workers left before my Dad hot home, my Mum seemed quite calm and they agreed for the person who was regerred to be my support worker.