So tried sleeping but this has been on my mind for quit some time. For some reason I like older men like ones who are in there 20s or 30s. The ones I've been around my age I can't stand! It's either alcoholics or smokers or pot and it's just really annoying. Maybe it might just be the ones I've met so I mean no offense in saying everyone's like that. Also I think they are just more mature and somewhat know what they want and such. I guess a part of it is how I want a big tall man to hold me and put up with my random moods and breakdowns as well as my quirks lol. So back on track is it alright to prefer older men? Does society view it as bad? Would you date an older guy/girl? If so why? Just curious if I'm the only one or not lol.
I would date someone older as long as there nice and good looking I mean what's to lose? I think I would go for someone older one day or younger as long as there not the same age as me. I seem to get along better with people that are older or younger than me.
Me too. I hate people my age. I don't get along with people my age and it seems like people who are not my age are more attracted to me. I often get attracted to fourteen and fifteen year olds and feel like a pedophile. I also like older girls because they seem less awkward. It seems like everyone my age is awkward. That includes me.
Akira you are not wrong in how you feel or what you want. Believe me I do understand. I prefer men older than me. Usually in their 30's or early 40's, but it isn't set in stone. I guess for me it is more about the person. Just be you. Do not doubt how you feel or if it is wrong because it isn't!(*hug*)
It is clearly not wrong to be attracted to people who are significantly older than you; however, simply because we find ourselves attracted to certain people does not mean that pursuing a relationship would be the most wise idea. When it comes down to longevity, both emotionally and physically, you would be at a severe disadvantage to seek someone who is nearly twice your age. Someone who is in their twenties v.s. someone who is middle aged should be at different stages in life. Especially considering your age at this moment. Someone in their thirties being with someone significantly older is entirely different than someone in their late teens and twenties. Psychologically, there is just so much more growth and experience that occurs within those specific years. Young people can absolutely be as intelligent, mature, or self-aware as someone a decade or two their seniors, but a young person will never be as mature, intelligent, or self-aware as they themselves will be a decade or two into the future. Being compatible at this moment would mean that it shouldn't logically stay in the future.
I prefer older men too. In fact, my boyfriend is about 13 years older than me. Like with anyone, you need to be careful. ESPECIALLY if you're having casual sex encounters. Meet somewhere public. Get to know each other. And above all, use protection. I used to have to deal with a lot of guys, many of them 40+, who wanted me just because I looked underage. And so there's a definite power dynamic to keep in mind. It's okay for you to be with someone who's protective or more experienced but fundamentally you must be equals in the relationship. Don't let someone take advantage of you just because you're young.
Almost without fail, age gap relationships where the younger person is under 27 or 30, and there's more than 3-4 years age gap fail. People don't like to hear it, but it's true. The ones that do survive are almost never healthy, in part because it is nearly impossible to avoid the power dynamic problems inherent with the differences that come with age gaps. The older person is almost always more financially secure, more worldly/established/secure, and so what ends up happening is that the younger person falls into a dependent relationship, while the older person is codependent. Not good for either party, but particularly bad for the younger person. I don't like to rain on people's parades, but it just isn't a good idea. Oh and... there are *plenty* of gay men in their 20s, 30s, 40s and beyond who are druggies/alcoholics/addicts; that role is by no means limited to young people, and, for that matter, there are planty of young people who don't smoke, drink, or use drugs. And then you have to consider the psychological makeup of someone 25+ who would date someone much younger than they are. An emotionally healthy person is going to be happier with someone close to his or her own age, so anyone that *is* interested in someone many years younger likely has issues that may not become immediately apparent. I can say pretty much without qualification... you can pursue an older/younger relationship, but the ones that are actually emotionally healthy and last, when the younger person is much below 30 are all but nonexistent.
Sorry in advance for going somewhat off-topic here, just wish to discuss something that is not necessarily directly related to what the OP is asking. I understand that this might not be appropriate but feel that wanting an actual discussion is not necessarily a bad thing. While I do agree with most of what you said, I can't help but feel a bit "iffed" at this. Everyone has issues, regardless of their age. Why generalize people like this? Should a person be aware of his own "psychological makeup" and work on bettering himself, not letting said issues affect any potential relationship they might have, there shouldn't be a problem in actually having a relationship with someone younger. You are basically condemning all relationships that can exist between for example someone that is in their early twenties with someone in their late twenties or even early thirties. Yeah, sure you have power balance and all that, but imagine for a second that you didn't, as that idea alone is superficial and can be a problem only if the people involved make it such. If due to circumstances we consider two people with a somewhat big age difference, without power balance playing a role, is there any other reason for these people to not be in a relationship or to warrant concern that said relationship might fail. Other than the general opinion of society, that it is something not "natural"? There are rules, but there are also exceptions to these rules. /thread - Follow your heart, and do take into consideration what has been said. Understand the risks you are facing should you chose to pursue such a relationship. Also, put your safety first and always be suspicious of the people you meet, regardless of their age. It would be wise (as said) to try and find someone closer to your age, because there are people who fit your criteria and are not necessarily too much older than you. Don't be too fast in your decision to pursue someone older, by generalizing the idea that they must necessarily be more "stable" just because of their age, it's quite often not the case.
I never really thought of it like that....actually an eye opener lol. Thanks for pointing all those out everyone. Guess I was caught up in a little fantasy of my own, not surprising, that I tend to do a lot. Thanks for pointing all those things out ^_^. So better to find a boyfriend my own age lol.
I agree with Chip. Someone older might seem more appealing but you will feel a bit overwhelmed by your lack of life and relationship experience compared to theirs. It isn't good to get into a relationship just to find someone who is just there to look after you. Also when comparing older guys to your own age group, the grass isn't greener on the other side.
I understand that. I haven't dated any older girls yet. I think me and the OP are attracted to people who have lived life. Too bad that creates problems in the relationship.
like has been said, everybody has their own preferences about age, and that's cool, no worries. I like men who are about my age, or a bit older. I don't like really young guys because our heads just aren't in the same place. but their are guys my age who absolutely love younger guys. it's all preferences, and it's all good. the ages you're talking about kind of make sense for someone your age. and your reasons all make sense. when you're in your 30's (or 60's) it will be interesting for you to see if you are still interested in "older" guys, or if you are still interested in the guys in their 30's! LOL!!! (!)
If you're 18, I'd say that a guy in his 30's or 40's..heck, even late 20's, is interested in you for one reason. Sorry, but it's pretty true. Again, not that it's bad, but the LGBT community has a lot of age related problems. Mainly, older gay men and women at this current point haven't been able to live as freely as we have. So, they try to live it up now. That's just how I see it. I'd be careful, just because you want a healthy relationship.
I find it coincidental that Chip set a floor of 27 to 30 in terms of relationships that work or do not work. I actually agree with this threshold. When I started dating, I set a floor of 30 years old as to whom I would date. My first boyfriend was 35, I was 42. Not that big of an age gap given our respective ages. However, I found my then boyfriend to be a bit dependent , too comfortable too quickly. The relationship did not work, I broke up with him. By happenstance, my partner today is 27, I am 44 now. I had quite a significant internal debate over the age difference when we first started dating (I had no idea how old he was at the time). I posted another thread on our relationship, but in summary, even with this age gap, my boyfriend is mature well beyond his years, independent, hardworking and we are both focused on maintaining a balanced relationship (ok, not so sure how balanced as he seems to call all the shots); in fact, he is a perfect compliment to me. Now, both of us are much older than the OP whom started this thread, but I think we do show how an age gap can work. Something I should also mention, I do believe that the age gap debate is not simply a gay only discussion. I know quite a number of straight guys that have been divorced, around my age, and have gotten together with girls that have a similar age gap as between myself and my partner. Many of them have gone on to get married, have children and, at least from an outsider perspective, be very happy.
I think you're so right about that threshold applying to pretty much everybody, straight, gay, or otherwise. For myself, I married a woman when I was 23, and that was a real mistake. I was so immature, even if I had been straight; but it was worse in my case because I was gay and was fiercely denying it to myself. I've never been with any men that young, but I do have one gay friend in his mid-thirties who was dating and head-over-heels in love with a guy about 12 or 15 years younger than him. He bought his boyfriend a lot of gifts, clothes, and things like that; and it was the first time that my friend had ever been in love, so it really overwhelmed him. But the boyfriend was pretty immature, and really wanted to just do all the things that I would probably want to do if I were 20; so it didn't work out. My friend was heartbroken, and hasn't had another serious relationship since then, about three years ago. but the point I'm trying to make, with pains to not offend anyone under that magic cut off line, is that there is some truth in that statement, certainly at least as it can be applied to ME. :dry:
18 and 20-30 is not such a big age gap. A few years back, there was a nineteen year old woman who married an 80 year old Oil Magnate. Now that's an age gap. I don't think you've got anything to be concerned about at all.
Do you think that she married him for love? or just an attraction to older men? :roflmao: But on a serious note, even for less extreme cases of income disparity, when there is an age difference, money can be a factor. you know, sugar daddies. It's not always about money but it can be. I guess you could say that about women wanting to marry men with good professional credentials too. Are we all prostitutes and pimps at the end of the day? :roflmao:
That simply isn't true. On the whole, there is an enormous difference in social adjustment, stage of life, emotional/finacial/life/career stability, and various other factors between someone in their late teens or early 20s, and someone in their late 20s/early 30s. In fact, there's usually an enormous difference between someone 16 and someone 19. It's all dependent on stage of life, and it continues to be a major issue up until late 20s/early 30s, where things tend to even out. Are there exceptions to the above? Certainly. I've met people in their mid-40s who are still working 20 hours a week at a retail store and going to clubs every night... someone like that might get along with someone in their early 20s... but the relationship still isn't going to be healthy, because the 40 year old is still trying to act like a 20 year old. I've also met 20 year olds who are business owners, financially stable, highly responsible... and they might get along well with someone in his late 20s or early 30s. But those are exceptions, and on the whole, it simply isn't going to work. Plenty of people try, and I can't tell you how many people, both here on EC and elsewhere, were absolutely convinced that they were right and everyone else was wrong... until they learned it for themselves, often at severe emotional/psychological/financial cost. All we're trying to do here is encourage people to learn from others and not keep repeating the same mistakes.
Thank you all for all these wonderful and insightful answers. Some things I suspected and some things I didn't even know lol.
