Hi everyone. Thank your for your help on this matter that is deeply frustrating and saddening me.This will take about 3 minutes to read, so if anyone has the time to read the below info and answer me with their opinion, I would greatly appreciate it bc I am truly hurting and very confused. I am 46 and was dating(&falling hard for) a guy who is 31, for 3 months, whom I deeply connected with on all levels..emotionally, spiritually and sexually.Yes, there is obviously a 15 yr age difference but I didnt feel this age difference at all when he and I were together, or when we shared conversation about anything,and always told me that he felt the same way. He seemed to be what they call "an old soul".We connected on many levels and he told me, from the beginning that he doesnt date multiple women and he was seeking a serious and monogamous long term relationship.(I thought this to be quite odd for a 31 yr old in this day and age, but I went with it bc I liked him so much and he made me feel incredibly special).He also told me that he knew he didnt want to have kids in the future (again, interesting for such a young guy to already know and feel).Our relationship continued to grow closer and soon,he and I both began to express to each other how much love we felt for each other all the time.It was a very exciting time for both of us..full of "I love you's", great conversation, laughter and shared morals, values and ideas..we both had a lot of respect for each other..even each others differences.When we had sex, it was very loving and passionate..and we always told each other "I love you"..both in and out of bed.It felt like I was in a movie..a fantasy.I cherished every moment that I was with him, as well as any moment that I was talking with him and thinking of him.It felt like I was on a high and I never wanted it to end..in fact, I was terrified that it was going to end bc it seemed too good to be true..but it felt so amazing that I couldnt imagine it ever ending..or either one of our feelings for each other ever changing.I even asked him if he felt that what we were sharing was too good to be true.His answer was "No..it IS GOOD and it IS TRUE..what we have is AMAZING and I feel like the LUCKIEST MAN ON THE ENTIRE EARTH TO HAVE MET A WOMAN LIKE YOU AND I TREASURE U LIKE I HAVE NEVER TREASURED ANY WOMAN.I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL".The more he spoke to me like this, the more I would wonder how any man could love me THAT much..but I told myself that maybe I was just that lucky because I deserved that kind of love..bc I had that kind of love to offer to a loving man, so maybe it finally WAS my time in life to have true love! After all, so many other ppl I know are very happily married and/or in very happy&fulfilling relationships. Well..3 months into it, his so called feelings seemingly changed overnite.He told me he wasnt sure if ever had truly loved me for the last 3 months, even though he had been telling me for months that I was the center of his world and he would "forever thank his angels above for bringing me into his life".When he said that he no longer loved me and never knew if he ever had, I felt like I was in a fantasy turned nightmare..as if the entire experience had been an out of body experience and I was watching someone else's life,as if I had been watching a movie.So..here lies my question...is this guy, who claimed to love me like he has never loved any other woman in his life, who changed his mind seemingly overnite, not even convinced that he truly ever loved me in the first place, possibly gay? The reason I ask is because of how fast he claimed to have fallen in love with me, then claimed to have "fallen out of love" with me seemingly overnite,his longest relationship (before he met me) lasted 7 months,he never dated in high school (bc he said he was "shy" and not sure about how to act around girls) and..DRUMROLL... was single and DID NOT SLEEP WITH ANYONE FOR 2 YRS before he met me,and has been living with his mom for 2 yrs (after moving back to Miami 2 yrs ago from Stuart Fl). He used to be 50lbs overweight but now he is GORGEOUS, in shape, etc.He has a full time job that he loves but he is not making enough money to support himself in his own place until he take a test to become a full fledged liscenced electrician, which he plans to do in the future.This 31 yr old guy told me he wants to "focus on himself" and is not intrested in dating other women.He also told me a few weeks ago that he didnt want us to maintain a friendship at all and then, after realizing all that he and I had shared, he changed his mind and decided that we should continue to be friends and even "hang out" when we could.We "hung out" once since this so called breakup..and we talked and wound up having sex, which physically was ok, but emotionally was awful for me.The deep emotional connection we shared for 3 months is no longer there bc HE DOESNT FEEL IT and he is NOT seeing anyone else.So..I do not feel it is normal for a straight guy to simply walk away from a woman he was crazy about, whom he finds very attractive, who has never lied to him, cheated on him and has a heart of gold.All of this seems very odd to me...and, let me also add that I was in a 7 yr relationhip with a man I very much loved, who also claimed to be crazy about me..until he wasnt anymore and I found out that he was sleeping with men the last year we were together.This situation with this guy feels the same way.And..shall I mention that when he decided to "end things with me", he told me that he spent the next day crying?? My ex bf did the same thing.What straight man would break up with a woman he supposedly loved and cared deeply for, when he hadnt met anyone else, and then spends the next day crying about his OWN DECISION TO END THINGS?? Could I be correct to assume that this 31 yr old is confused&struggling about his sexuality just like my ex bf of 7 yrs was? Thanks for any and all of your input everyone...
Hi, First, I'm sorry for the loss of the relationship. I know what that feels like, and the hurt is almost indescribable, so I have some idea of what you're feeling. There are many reasons people break up. It's clear he's got some thinking to do and doesn't know what he wants. At the same time, while we can't rule out the possibility that he's gay, there are also a million other reasons he could be saying what he said, and there's nothing you've described about him that would obviously trip my "gaydar" meter. Perhaps an even more important question, though, is... why does it matter one way or another? Unfortunately, the reality seems to be that he's simply not interested in being with you, and whether he's straight, gay, or somewhere in between, what's really important here is that he's apparently made up his mind that the relationship with you isn't going to work. This sucks, and hurts, but there's nothing you can really do except to work on moving on. I wish you the best and hope you find the person you deserve soon.
