Hey, wall of text headed your way. Ok, so today exactly one year ago my parents approached me about my cutting. I was VERY suicidal then and thought about killing myself after they said they were going to tell my grandmother. I didn't though. It was rough I had to go "get real help" for 2 months. I feel shitty now because I lied. My life always turns to the worst around the holidays. Recently I have been overemotional about everything. The smallest things trigger me. My ex-boyfriend has been making me feel like I worthless piece of crap the past few weeks. He has been shouting homophobic slurs towards me and my girlfriend. He has tried to get back together with my by saying stuff like "You aren't a lesbian you're too kind and pretty" "oh, you're just toying with me" "You're just confused." It's getting annoying. My girlfriend's parents are assholes to her and the don't even live together so she is getting bashed on at both of her houses. When she comes here she can be REALLY rude towards me. I know that it's her defense mechanism though. She isn't telling me anything that's going on and I have noticed she has began cutting again. I'm worrying about her as we speak because I just left her at her mom's house. Her mom just started bitching at my gf as soon as she walked in. My family is not helpful. They tell me to show emotion, I show it, then they get all pissy and call me a baby and fag etc. I have to hide who I am for the next 3 weeks or so because of my family. I cannot get my hair dyed or ears pierced until after i see them because they will call my satanic. They always do... At school, it sucks. Somebody fucking found out about me and began spreading it around the school. I have a hunch my ex is behind it. My grades are falling because I have lost all interest. I have been bullied by everyone I know and it has driven me to want to die again. I just cut and it was the first time in months. I feel like I am losing control again... Any advice?
There is no wonder you feel so low rubix - you are dealing with so much pain and heartache and it's coming from all directions. It really drags you down, doesn't it? I want to encourage you to stay in touch and keep talking to us over the next few weeks, while you are having to deal with your family and their narrow minded ideas. Nobody will judge or criticise you here, so you can say it how it is without fear and that's got to count for something. If you need an outlet when it's all getting a bit too much, bring it here and share it with people who understand and care. You say the smallest thing is triggering you right now, but when I read about everything you are struggling with, nothing is actually small. You have so much going on and it's really hurtful and soul destroying. You can't slap a smile on your face and pretend it's all okay, when you are so broken inside. Is there anything other than cutting that will help you to cope? When the urge to cut comes upon you what could you do to try to ride it out? Is there anything short of cutting that will release the anger, hurt and frustration that you are feeling? Have a think about it and tell us more, if you can. Don't shut yourself off rubix. Posting on here was really brave.. and positive. It may not feel like you have any positives to cling onto right now, but if you are willing to write more and stay connected it can help to see you through those darkest moments when everything seems so out of control. If you are having thoughts of ending it all, don't bottle it up. Say how it feels... it's not a taboo subject. (*hug*)
Try to remember that many kids your age don't really understand how this stuff works. Your ex, for instance. Expect most people to tie your preferences to a certain way of acting. Make sure that you and your girlfriend talk about everything, because you allways need some sort of an anchor.
Thank you. @PatrickUK I used to do a lot of writing but I have lost all motivation to do so. What the shitty part is is that when I am getting yelled at, embarrassed, etc. i subconsciously dig my nails into myself breaking skin... I didn't comsider it self-harm till now This afternoon I have Christmas at my Aunt and Uncles... wish me luck... im gonna need it
Hi Rubix, I am truly sorry u are dealing with such awful negativity,jealousy&hatred around yo!!!!!! You do NOT DESERVE THAT KIND OF NEGATIVE ENERGY&ABUSE AT ALL!!!! You deserve UNCONDITIONAL LOVE,KINDNESS,RESPECT,CARING&UNDERSTANDING ALL AROUND U..FROM FAMILY, FRIENDS,CLASSMATES,TEACHERS,AND ANYONE U DECIDE TO OPEN YOUR HEART,MIND,BODY AND SOUL TO.You are experiencing BOTH BULLYING AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE, PURE&SIMPLE.You my dear,have a beautiful and amazing opportuinty now to take a stand and MAKE A HUGE CHANGE IN WHAT U WILL AND WILL NOT ALLOW IN YOUR LIFE..AND,AFTER U HAVE MASTERED SELF LOVE AND RESPECT,U CAN PROTECT AND STAND UP TO OTHERS WHO ARE BEING BULLIED AND ABUSED! FOR NOW,I STRONLY ADVISE U TO SEEK OUT A THERAPIST AND COUNSELOR TO SHARE EVERYTHING WITH.From therapy,you will learn how to LOVE YOURSELF AND GROW SO MCUH SELF ESTEEM THAT U WILL FEEL LIKE A WHOLE NEW PERSON..THE PERSON U ARE MEANT TO BE. PLZ,I URGE U TO GET THERAPY ASAP..AND YES,U CAN GET FREE THERAPY.Something tells me that u may have been sexually,emotionally and/or physically abused as a very young child as well,which u must get therapy for.You are,unfortunately, living in a terribly abusive situation,in every capacity!!! Please continue to write to all of us,and plz go online snd Google search FREE COUNSELING IN YOUR AREA.START AT THE COLLEGES..AND ASK YOUR SCHOOL COUNSELOR FOR HELP, TOO. PLEASE KEEP SHARING YOUR FEELINGA AND EXPERIENCES HERE...U MUST BEGIN MOVING AWAY FROM THIS ABUSIVE ENVIRONMENT U Live in!!! We are all here to CHEER U ON GE
Hi Rubix, I am truly sorry u are dealing with such awful negativity,jealousy&hatred around yo!!!!!! You do NOT DESERVE THAT KIND OF NEGATIVE ENERGY&ABUSE AT ALL!!!! You deserve UNCONDITIONAL LOVE,KINDNESS,RESPECT,CARING&UNDERSTANDING ALL AROUND U..FROM FAMILY, FRIENDS,CLASSMATES,TEACHERS,AND ANYONE U DECIDE TO OPEN YOUR HEART,MIND,BODY AND SOUL TO.You are experiencing BOTH BULLYING AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE, PURE&SIMPLE.You my dear,have a beautiful and amazing opportuinty now to take a stand and MAKE A HUGE CHANGE IN WHAT U WILL AND WILL NOT ALLOW IN YOUR LIFE..AND,AFTER U HAVE MASTERED SELF LOVE AND RESPECT,U CAN PROTECT AND STAND UP TO OTHERS WHO ARE BEING BULLIED AND ABUSED! FOR NOW,I STRONLY ADVISE U TO SEEK OUT A THERAPIST AND COUNSELOR TO SHARE EVERYTHING WITH.From therapy,you will learn how to LOVE YOURSELF AND GROW SO MCUH SELF ESTEEM THAT U WILL FEEL LIKE A WHOLE NEW PERSON..THE PERSON U ARE MEANT TO BE. PLZ,I URGE U TO GET THERAPY ASAP..AND YES,U CAN GET FREE THERAPY.Something tells me that u may have been sexually,emotionally and/or physically abused as a very young child as well,which u must get therapy for.You are,unfortunately, living in a terribly abusive situation,in every capacity!!! Please continue to write to all of us,and plz go online snd Google search FREE COUNSELING IN YOUR AREA.START AT THE COLLEGES..AND ASK YOUR SCHOOL COUNSELOR FOR HELP, TOO. PLEASE KEEP SHARING YOUR FEELINGA AND EXPERIENCES HERE...U MUST BEGIN MOVING AWAY FROM THIS ABUSIVE ENVIRONMENT U Live in!!! We are all here to CHEER U ON GE
Thanks, I have not been abused but suffer from trauma from when I was younger. I cannot reach out to my school counselor mainly because I don't trust her. She has stabbed me in the back waaaaaayyyy to many times. I would go to therapy but I really cant. I live in a small town and the nearest town is 35 miles away. I have no means of transportation.
Rubix, I have just seen the posting about your Great Grandma. How has that left your feeling? Are you close to your Great Grandma?
worse...triedwalking out into the middle of a busy street... my friend saw me and stopped me... he ended up walking home. Yes i am close to her
