I suffer from both anxiety and depression, lately I have been finding myself always thinking and fearing the future, I am gay, 19 years old (not stereotypical except my shy feminine voice when I am shy) and 1 year away from university. I’ve been bullied a lot since 2011-2014 the worst type probably occurred around October 2013- June 2014, and this year me and 2 friends of mine (Leona and Chloe) are finishing a subject we didn’t pass in a new class, I have tried to be nice, and say good morning to some of the people there, especially this guy (Matthew) and a girl (Anna). But for some reason they don’t like me, I am shy and sometimes have a serious face, but I am very kind, and respectful, but I hate feeling left out more so than that, being made fun of. One lesson ago before entering the room Matthew who I was trying to be nice to, all I did was say hello twice -_- he looked at me in a weird way, like smirking almost about to laugh as if to say “lol your gay or lol I know ur secret” maybe I was being paranoid, I do understand that but no, in fact sadly I wasn’t, when I walk to my classroom everyone usually says good morning to each other, so I said good morning and the only people that say good morning back are my two friends Leona and Chloe, and sometimes Anna, today it was the last day before 2015 2nd term, so I went there and said good morning, everyone ignored me, in fact I looked at that Matthew and he said in a low voice “oh fuck” as if to say “not this guy again” then I went outside and sat on a bench and began drawing, because they had a lesson I didn’t, and people from my class started entering the school with the exception of 3 girls, the others all ignored me and all went and sat together on a table. The other 3 girls did also but they smiled at me and said hello politely which was enough for me to feel hey at least I am welcome by them. So they entered their lesson when the bell rang, and I was all alone on a bench drawing, I then stopped drawing and just sat there looking at people and into space, on a bench near by matthew and Anna (who usually hang out together) sat down and I over heard matthew saying, “like I have a stalker” I would almost bet 100% he was talking about me, so then I went into the building where I waited to go into the room where we were all gonna have our lesson and (I was alone because it was the last day, some students didn’t come in to school, including both Chloe and Leona, or else I would have been talking to them) whenever I walk in the room some people in my class, especially boys look at me and make smile faces, whenever the teacher calls me up they all stare at me like im this weird animal. (Great so now I am a gay stalker ) All I wanted too do was be nice to them and try to be friendly so that I wouldn’t suffer from bullying the same way I did last year (for isolating myself) although I am shy, whenever I try to talk I am ignore, unless I go up to them directly and shake their hands but then they are like “oh god not him” and this hurts me so much I get anxiety attacks and feel even worse about myself… Please help me, somehow and tell me what I am doing wrong, they clearly have an image of me already sadly… Some of them are nice to me, there is this one guy that says hello and shakes my hand usually but he will probably stop doing so soon if they spread rumours, I was sitting alone on a bench and I was thinking to myself why don’t you go inside and ask “hey can I sit with you guys” on the table but they made me feel so unwelcomed I was just so sad, I sat in the cold and wanted to cry. I am male, 19 years old. Most of them are 17 years old. By the way my friends Leona is 18 and Chloe is 20 .
People respond to perceived confidence. When someone reflects confident, those who perceive it will tend to respond with engagement and acceptance. As you stated, you are often shy, have a serious face and are respectful. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with being shy, respectful and serious. However, you might be presenting yourself in a way which lacks confidence. This does not mean you need to actually be confident! Quite frankly, many people whom present themselves as confident, actually are not. Nor should one expect to be confident in every situation. There is perception and reality. What I am suggesting is try to present yourself in a way that reflects confidence, whether you are confident or not; while maintaining the respect you show others. Does this make any sense?
I suffered this problem before (trust me , I was crying in class with scissors in one hand preparing to slash myself) and i do believe its because of the image shown , not to say that your characteristics are bad but that it leaves an impression that you dont have much self confidence . Last year , there was bullying for me too . But now , i can tell you that there is less but something didnt really occur to me until my bestfriend brought it up and that was my attitude after i came out which was that ive become so much more calm , opened , confident in what i was doing and to be able to actually socialise. So I believe that your image is the problem . My advice for you is to socialise with the classmates you have to leave a positive impact in terms of confidence . Hope this has helped! (*hug*)
Sometimes - well, quite often actually - inner anxiety come across to others in subtle body language as " aloofness" or coldness and it is automatically going to get you a poor response. However if you practice your body language to be more open, and warm. you will find people react very differently to you. Particularly think about increasing direct eye contact. Saying Hi to everyone. Smiling when you pass someone you know. Saying something out loud now and then. You will soon begin to notice changes and people being more friendly .. It will also boost your self confidence heaps. Give it a go !!
U know what honestly from my personal experiences some people are just total ass holes. Matthew and Anna they suck! They suck! Anyway I have anxiety issues and I just have some close friends that I can trust so I know how u feel and I'm sorry you have to go through that.. (*hug*)
Sorry that people are so mean to you :/ Who cares about them anyways? You tried, and they're just jerks. We're all here for you Hang in there buddy *hugs*
I just wanted to add that I felt the same way at your age. In a few years you will leave behind these awful adolescent years and once you get into your 20's you will feel more confident and less worried about what people think. There are some mean and nasty people out there but most of those who intimidated me and called me names, now I look at them and they've gone hardly anywhere in their life. Just do your best to get through each day and know there's nothing wrong with you, it's them who have something wrong with them because they are bullying you. The more you let it get to you the more your self esteem will fall and it will kind of turn into a spiral. So try and be positive and not let them control your life. I used to sometimes think that in a way the bullies must have secretly wanted something from me or been jealous of me. If they didn't care about me they would ignore me, but the fact that they would go to the effort to call me names or make comments showed that I was had an impact on them. Almost like they needed to tease me to feel good about themselves. It's just another way of looking at it.
I think this is completely true. When I switched schools everyone thought I hated being there when I was really painfully anxious. Generally feeling uncomfortable with myself and my sexuality I think gives off a big "stay away" signal when that's not actually what I want. So I think it would be worthwhile for you (and me) to work on self esteem and subconscious signals we may be giving off. Unless the people around you are general homophobic assholes - then don't waste ur time.
