Has anyone cared, or is caring for a love one that is seriously ill?

It's very draining and it can certainly affect you - physically and emotionally. If there are support groups I would strongly recommend them for advice and support; many are excellent, with years of knowledge and expertise. Never, ever be afraid to ask for help or admit that you are not coping well. There is no shame in not being strong.

 

From personal experience it has never been easy. I have a background n both crisis counceling as well as a nurse for 6 years. Over my trainng and actual work in hospice, every time a client had passed it would be hard. The time spent and the connection of trust they give to you makes it difficult, but i always kept n my head that i was there for them. I was hired to make sure as their time is spent, it is comfortable and safe and they felt safe. That helped me keep the feeling of loss at a bareble level.

Over the past 3 years i have been taking care of my boyfriends grandfather. I live with him as a full time aid. Over the years i became very close to him and the entire family. Over the past month his health had begin to decline and the whole time i was by his side with the family. On his last day i was given the ok by the family to be there to help him ease into passng on. This was the most important thing to the family and i felt so honored, yet my grief was there every second. As he began to pass in the house (where we live) i began to wake up family and let them know its time. As they sat there and as i followed his vitals, he quickly passed. I have been through this at least 100 times, every time i shed a scilent tear. On that day i couldn't at first. I was in shock and was completely aware of my partners family watching on as i pronounced him gone.

Its been about 3 weeks and still everyday i cant get the thought out of my mind. Yet i realize one important thing. I did it for him. It was his last day on earth and i, given the trust of his children and grandchildren ,gave him as much peace and comfort as a person can and all i know is that i was able to help someone who i cared for. That is the one thkng that keeps me sane and able to continue to do what i love for people.

I always hold in my head that no matter what is said about being professional, we are health care provoders. We are not a business transaction. We are providers. We start in the field to help and heal people. If it were ment to be heartless and cut off, then we wouldnt be in the field. That heart, the compassion and care for others we have makes us special.

It hurts and its hard some days, and for some its too much. Prior to nursng, i was an HIV/ community sex health counselor where we had some seriously dire situations brought to us, and monthly we were required to meet with a counselor to help with the stressors. Manly because they knew just as well how difficult it is. I would be lying if i said it doesnt take a toll, but there arr many available outreach that is available within the health community and hospitals. I always suggest doing some research on local support groups or available sessions that h.r. can offer withn your company.

I hope this helps and makes you remember how important you are to those who need a caring person.

 

I've had experience caring for someone that I loved that was seriously ill. My longtime partner Dan was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that wasn't suppose to be deadly or debilitating but his case was severe. For about a year and a half I watched as he went from waling on his own to using a cane, to using a walker, to using a wheelchair, and then to being bedridden. It was extremely painful to watch and there was nothing I could do. Eventually he passed away and at first I felt nothing. I was entirely numb for a good two weeks then things sank in.

It never gets any easier to talk about this. This wasn't even half a year ago so the wounds are still fresh and that was the whole reason I joined empty closets. It wasn't my job, but Dan and I considered ourselves married and he had no one else. It was hard to go to work every day knowing that I would have to leave him alone for hours on end. I never did develop any coping skills, I just kept pushing forward. It helped to talk about it in some of my first posts.

Yes, the whole situation did affect me mentally and emotionally. I feel emotionally cut off sometimes and my smile sometimes feels very brittle, especially when I run into one of his friends that didn't know that he passed away and I have to be the one to tell them. For a time I cut myself off from everyone else and felt guilty about any fun I had. I've learned to forgive myself and have even started dating again but I know that the experience will be with me. Its like a fingerprint, distinct.

Hope this helps a little. Sorry to hear about what you went through. It does get a little easier with the passage of time, or at least it did for me.

 

Apart from the good advice above, I would say… do not try and do it alone without getting as much support around YOU as possible.

Ask your own hospital/ doctor/ clinic if they know of support groups relating to the particular situation you are in.

Involve other family members if they are not pulling their weight.

I did it almost on my own … and it was not fair on me, or on the person being cared for who would have benefited from having a variety of visitors/ people helping with the decision making.

best (*hug*)