Very Confused

Life is a learning process. You are in your own journey, learning about yourself. Anyone is a total different world. I think you are in a discovering stage of your life. You are going through puberty and it revolutionizes the body, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Due to, our hormones, experiences, feedback, self-image and reinforcement. We all develop a sexual identity.
Everything can affect your sexual identity. For example:

Hormones: If you are a male, you will produce testosterone which makes you more aggressive and competitive. Some effeminate men have low testosterone. they have higher levels of estrogen(female sexual hormone.) Men who are castrated are called eunuchs; they develop a female voice and female body traits. So, the sexual hormone is the most important influence in sexuality and personality. But, this is not the only one.

Experience/environment: When you were a child, you didn't know what was good or bad. If you were told to act or behave in a certain way, you could have learnt feminine behaviors from being all the time around women. i.e. your mom, aunts, girls, etc. behaviors are learnt. If you were dressed as a girl, it could have confused your identity and you could have thought you were a girl at that time; and now you behave according to that belief.

Feedback: If you were called "gay", "girl", "faggot" etc, those words could have incorporated into your own gender identity and now you act out of what you believe you should be.

Inner talk: Then, with time, you develop a self-talk, which is the way you talk with your own persona. If you tell yourself you are gay or effeminate, you will act that way. In contrast, if you tell and repeat yourself that you are a male and masculine, you will start acting this way over time.

This is a complex topic, sexuality is the result of a genetics, experience and self-image. and you're too young to even know if you are gay, bisexual or straight. Sometimes, guys your age conclude they are gay because they don't perform good in sports, because they didn't have a good relationship with their fathers and because they feel rejected by their male peers. I still think that their is a small percentage of gays that are born that way(I know some), but if a homosexual was not born that way, he/she is mostly the result of a environment. I think you should go to a counselor or psychologist to discover yourself, to look for advice. or talk to your parents or an older mentor if you can. I wasted so many years thinking that I was gay, I wasn't. Then, I thought I was bisexual and I'm not. So, now at age 28, I'm still learning about myself and moving into settling down with a woman. Don't waste your life. Leave your fears behind and seek for help. You could figure this out in a year or so and move on into planning your life; that is finally the reason why we are here.

 

Hey I don't agree much with Haku9602, but pleas know he was just tryin to help. We're all trying to help, and if we miss the mark, I apologize in advance.

Now about your feelings being normal or not, I don't know if they are or not exactly, because I'm not a gay male But I know that I had some thoughts like yours when I was trying to figure stuff out. I know a gay friend of mine did too. He was attracted to effeminate guys, but he was more effeminate as well. So I think your feelings are normal, and you will find someone who is completely okay with who you are, and loves you for it. And don't listen to people who tell you that you can't have it figured out. You know yourself and others don't as well. I hope this helps! Stay strong.

 

Some people think all gay guys are effeminate ZestyLion, but the fact is we come in a variety of shapes, sizes and styles.. all of which are perfectly 'normal'. Every gay relationship has its own dynamic too. In some relationships one partner is dominant, while the other is passive/submissive, in others there is greater equality. It's really a matter for the couple to work out for themselves. I don't think there is anything wrong with one partner being more passive or submissive in a relationship, providing it's consensual. There are occasions when the dominant partner can be over-bearing and disrespectful and that's when it goes wrong. Just be aware.

Some effeminate guys are incredibly strong willed and determined (dominant) ZestyLion and they are more than capable of asserting themselves in and out of a relationship. It's definitely possible for a relationship between two effeminate guys with different personalities to work like magic. Don't rule it out.

It's not that you are over-thinking it, you just need to understand the many characteristics of gay guys. Being effeminate doesn't necessarily equate to being passive.

Hope this helps a little.

 

It might help to know that being effeminate does not always mean being submissive. That fits for your personality, but you can still find feminine men who are really dominant and would love playing that role with you. I know personally I have a masculine gender expression but I am highly submissive. Just depends on the people involved.

As for gender identity....you'd have to ask the question 'Do you feel uncomfortable with your male body and/or the idea of being perceived as male or being called male pronouns?"

If not, you're probably just a feminine guy which is also okay.

 

I would tell you not to worry about it too much
You're still only 14 and only just starting to explore and figure this all out.
I would say just do what feels right if the right guy comes around and go with your gut.
There are lots of gay/bi guys on all parts of the masculine/feminine spectrum, so there's bound to be someone out there for you.

Are there any guys in your life you have an interest in in particular right now?

 

I'm just giving you the answer I wanted to hear when I was your age. I'm not telling you that you are straight, nor gay, nor bisexual- I'm not saying that. I'm telling you that you should find a mentor or a counselor; because as you said, I don't know you. I'm just trying to tell you that this is normal and you can see the confusion from many perspectives and points of view. Finally, try to open your mind: everything is possible.